To hate being DH's unofficial "secretary" in the car - light hearted

[spg1983]

Grrr I am so annoyed! I think this is going to be one of those things that is really not serious but has just built up and is bugging me!

Basically, whenever we go out anywhere, DH always drives. I don't mind driving but he gives me such grief about the way I drive (i.e. sticking to speed limits, following highway code etc) that it's really not worth questioning him when he picks the keys up himself.

Anyway, whenever we get in the car, he ALWAYS remembers there's someone who needs to be called - right now. And I have to do it as he's driving. I wouldn't mind except it's nearly always to deliver bad news or cancelling plans he's too disorganised to fulfil. Or to ask really cheeky favours from people. Or to make plans with people (which I always manage to get wrong as I don't know everything about the situation he'd been dealing with up until that point).

Plus, he always manages to do it when there's hardly any signal so I end up getting all stressy cos I can't hear the other person. Either that or he'll give me the wrong number to call and I end up sounding like an idiot cos I don't actually know who I'm meant to be calling in the first place!

AIBU to tell him to make his own call next time, even if it means pulling over and swapping seats so I drive? Last time I got huffy about making another of his calls and introduced myself to his brother as the secretary, he got really upset and said I was being nasty. Help!!

Hmmm, I do this with my (non-driving) OH. Sitting behind the wheel gives me time t think of all the things I should have done before I left the house but didn't. He's also my voice-controlled satnav, aircon and ipod operator! If the lazy@se won't learn to drive, I'm going to find jobs for him to do while I drive!

YANBU! I sometimes do this to DH and he refuses to use phone in the car on the grounds it makes him feel sick searching thru contacts list etc. He certainly can't text while we're driving either.

Your DH and myself really needs to get organised!

Get him a bluetooth headset. Then he can drive and phone!

Or tell him not to be so cheeky and do his donkey work himself?

YANBU - it sounds like he's deliberately dumping the difficult calls onto you, rather than genuinely having forgotten till that moment. Unless his entire life consists of delivering bad news and making cheeky requests of course, in which case you have bigger problems

Tell him to do it himself next time.

Drive, tell him to STFU, and stop being his secretary.

Disclaimer: I was the one who started the thread about women swapping to the passenger seat so I am obviously biased.

I would refuse to make the phone calls.

I know this is meant to be a light hearted thread, but why do you put up with your DH criticising your driving, especially if you do nothing wrong (i.e. stay within speed limits etc)? If you're happy to drive, do so - and tell him to zip it! (Or I will come and zip it for him. )

You do know he is doing it on purpose so that he doesn't have to deal with difficult calls, don't you?

Say no. Tell him he can't avoid making diffcult calls and he either pulls over and phones, or phones later.

And - before you set off - say to him "Before we go, do you have any calls to make, because if you say no and then tell me to phone someone once we're driving, I tell you now - I'm not going to."

He's going to carry on doing it because it's easier for him, until you start saying no.

Just say no?

Is he being overly picky when you drive, or do you break the speed limit? I nag at DP if he's speeding, and ask him to slow down - what's wrong with that?

Buy him a Bluetooth headset for the next car journey, and if he's still being like this YOU do the return journey & tell him to shut the fuck up.

Or buy a second car & drive yourself.

JarethTheGoblinKing I read the OP as her saying that she sticks to the speed limit and Highway Code and DH gives her grief about it.

The problem with the Bluetooth idea is that they do cut down driving quality so I'm not sure I would be happy in the car with DH when he was using one. Hands-free does not eliminate the problems with phoning from cars.

Second time today I vote for Hecate's suggestion on a thread.

A bit like with the DC when they are asked if they want to do a pre-emptive wee before you go on a journey.

I started "falling asleep" in the car. OH- can you call X and tell them Y & Z? Did you hear me? Are you awake? FGS, she's asleep! Difficult not to grin at this stage, but it worked

Oh, and regarding him criticizing your driving, I offered my OH the opportunity to get out and walk if he couldn't shut up, then I reinforced it by nit-picking his driving skills.

Ah yes, thanks MrsTP.

AdoraBell you are just like your namesake.

Adora, that approach is just so effective. I use it also, and I find it guarantees a comment free journey.

Yanbu OP!

I too have done the 'falling asleep' thing. You need cheek and mouth muscles of steel so you don't start laughing or grinning when OH realises you're 'asleep'.

Yanbu OP,

My OH does this as well and its v annoying - not helped that I'm a bit deaf and what with trying to hear what is being said plus he is telling me stuff at the same time....and I get, "why did you say that and why didn't you say this" and I have to repeat, exactly to him, what the other party was saying to me...... aaaargh!

I'm going to feign falling asleep now!

I'm going to keep my eyes open for MNers now, I'll just look for pissed off looking men driving cars with a woman in the front 'sleeping'.

Last time someone complained about my driving they were let out at the side of the A1.

And making phone calls for someone else?

They´ve got a cheek for asking, but I can´t believe people do it?

What´s going to happen if you say no?