to be put off ever having another dc due to breastfeeding?

[ChunkysMum]

Breastfeeding dd was a nightmare. I tried everything to get her to latch on (every support group / professional etc) and it never happened.

I felt terribly guilty for having to give her expressed milk and then for giving up expressing at 5 months. I still feel like a failure now.

I kept getting ill (bad mastitis/thrush/allergic reaction on my nipples that spread to my whole body/ sore bleeding nipples). DD was never satisfied and constantly cried until I switched to formula. I ended up with PND.

I hated it so much that the idea of doing it again fills me with dread. I know that not all babies are the same but I wouldn't even want to risk it. I would rather do labour 10 x!

The thing is, I don't think I could manage the guilt of giving dd breast milk for 5 months and not the same for another dc.

I would love another baby but cry when I think about it as my first thought is worrying about breast feeding.

I am sorry to say your post doesn't not seem rational at all. I hope you get the help you need. Breast feeding is not THAT important.

Don't feel guilty for not BF. You expressed for 5 months! If that had been my only option for BF, then I'm telling you now, I would not have done it!!

FF isn't your preferred feeding method, but it is a good substitute and your baby will never know. Your next one might latch on.

I also agree that you should think about counselling.

A second child may be completely different in terms of their ability to latch on. I expressed for 15 weeks with my first born DD, for reasons similar to yours. When I was pregnant with my second child I dreaded going through the same difficulties and pain, but decided that I would give BFing a try and if it didn't work out, not to give myself a hard time. DD2 latched on without any problems five minutes post-partum and I breast fed her happily til she was 11 months old.

You sound as if you are very upset and need some support dealing with your feelings re: feeding.

I had PND too and think that has a big bearing on how you resolve in your own mind whether you handled 'well' any parenting challenges be it feeding, sleeping, weaning, potty training. Could you try talking it over with your Health Visitor or ringing one of the breast feeding counsellors who you spoke to at the time?

You might be pleasantly surprised with your next baby. My dc1 didn't latch on so I expressed for 10 months.
My dc2 latched on like a dream from the first feed and still going strongly at 22 months.
All babies are different.
I wasn't concerned about not being able to feed dc2 before she was born weirdly . For dc1 I didn't have a clue what I was doing and the support I had was not good. I did a lot of reading up on bfing and attended breastfeeding classes given by the nhs and felt pretty confident.

Feed your next baby formula and hold your head high.

OP, my experience first time round was similar to yours, except without the PND and I mix fed from 3 months - the endless expressing drove me crazy though! Second time round and it was much easier, and I ended up not bottle feeding at all, infact he wouldn't take a bottle and I bf'd for 13 months, something I never thought I would do. It was a great experience, especially after the first time round. So you might be pleasantly surprised. Or you might not, but I can guarantee you won't feel as sad about it second time around. Or as guilty.

Your point about treating both DC the same - this is just not possible! I couldn't feel guilty about bfing DS1 for 5 months and DS2 for 13 months (even though weirdly DS2 has far fewer allergies, eczema, etc so far, who knows?), because it was a completely different situation. There is no way you can treat your DC exactly the same - you're not even the same parent a few years down the line! And Bfing really is such a tiny part of being a parent, even if it does feel like the be all and end all when you are in the thick of it - especially when it is your first DC, I can't stress this enough.

An aside - there are things you can do to avoid getting thrush again, before it happens or before it takes hold. I took every precaution second time around! There are many reasons not have a second DC, but this is not one you should really consider. I agree that you could benefit from more professional support. Good luck OP.

YABU feed the baby formula.

Please do not be so hard on yourself about the real problems you had with breastfeeding. Some people DO find it this hard, and you absolutely should not feel guilty for having had to use expressed milk and then formula.

Your story is so similar to mine. Despite taking up all the help offered from numerous midwives and the health visitors, and all of them saying I was doing it totally right, checking it was the correct latch and position and so on, feeding was still excruciatingly painful and I dreaded the pain, throughout each feed, which made me cry.

I really took it to heart and was incredibly upset as I had so hoped to breastfeed. I'd very much taken on board the "breast is best" message which I'd seen promoted at every turn, and felt there must be something really quite wrong with formula and that I must BF at all costs. I felt like a miserable failure!

To cut a long story short I did have to move to expressing (alongside several more weeks of unsuccessfully trying to BF without awful pain) and then formula just as you did. A couple of people finally at this point were really kind and said that I had clearly done my best. This was so reassuring as I knew that was true, yet was feeling awful at being unable to BF.

When I eventually stopped the expressing and moved to formula I suddenly had an extra few hours in the day. I'd been expressing/feeding/sterilising for over an hour out of every 3 hours day and night. It would take 40 mins or so to get enough milk for a feed, 20 mins to give the feed and change baby, another 15 to wash and sterilise the pump and put it back together for next time. On removing these tasks, obviously it was fantastic to suddenly be able to spend much more time just playing with the DC, giving the baby attention, rather than being wired up to a pump so much of the time. It was an amazing and positive difference, and this is what turned out to be "best" for us.

I know you want to treat your children equally, and that's of course a very good thing. However "equal" in this case for you could be choosing the feeding method that you think is best for your baby, you and your family, in all respects, at this particular time. This could be trying again to BF and seeing if it's better this time; or aiming for a certain (do-able) amount of expressing when baby arrives, or FF from the start.

If anyone else tries to criticise, just ignore them. You have every right to make your decision about this.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

Never breastfed any of my four and they are all happy and healthy. Oh and I was a midwife!

Many mothers breastfeed the second baby even if they had problems with the first, so do try not to worry about that.

You need to let go of the guilt. I also struggled with bf and felt guilty about switching to ff, but only in the very early weeks. If you still feel bad now, it's time to get counselling.

Can you tell when you meet someone later in life whether they were BFed or FFed? No. Would we even know ourselves which we were if our parents didn't tell us? Nope. Which is one way of saying it isn't actually that important in the grand scheme of parenting.

I exclusively breast fed till 5 months using nipple shields. Some hv's are v anti them but most breast feeding counsellors aren't and they worked for me.

My hv said only 5% of mothers get to 5 months with no formula.

You deserve a medal! Seriously, I think you need to look at what you did for your baby and feel very proud of yourself. I don't know you and I'M proud of you!

If you have another baby it may be different. It may not be and you may switch to formula sooner. You'll do your best as you did with your first baby and that is enough. It's all you can do. You sound like a lovely Mum who could probably do with talking this over in your own time with a counsellor/hv/someone kind.

Hope the advice you'll get on here helps a bit. But remember, you're a legend already!

You did fantastically well to express for 5 months, that is a fantastic fantastic achievement and you should be really proud of yourself. That is far more than 95% of babies get!

Perhaps you need to talk to someone a friend, HV, GP about how you feel about bf? It is such a small thing in the scheme of things, you will be your children's mother forever, and bf is just a tiny part of that. There would be absolutely nothing wrong with giving a second DC formula from the offset if that was what you decided, but equally you might find that DC2 took to it like a duck to water. The important thing is that you deal with your feelings and are happy.

I couldn't even get started BF with DS1 and gave up a fortnight in and switched to FF. I would say two things:

1. You can always decide to FF - there's nothing wrong with it and if it makes you feel better, that's fine!

2. Don't assume that you'll have a repeat experience. My DS2 was pretty much a dream BF baby - took to it immediately, much more settled on it and I think I got a blocked duct one time and that was it. Ended up BF for 13mths!

there is nothing terribly wrong with formula feeding. It's fine. And your baby would thrive on it. You know breastfeeding is best, but bottle feeding is fine too.

Formula feed your baby. I think you will be relieved to find that feeding is only one small part of raising a child.

Hi op my first born didn't latch on felt a failure had just expected it to happen so so upset crappy midwives didn't help took him from me after labour as I was wobbly from drugs to let me sleep. Didn't realise she'd given him a bottle without my consent she didn't tell me ( only realised when I saw fluid chart when midwife doing discharge papers) so I kept trying to feed baby not interested. I thought he must be starving going so many hours without milk so gave him a bottle then he never latched on. Gave EBM for a couple of weeks but then gave up. Baby 2 and 3 latched on straight away no probs and fed both for 6 month until started weaning ready to go back to work. So please don't worry the more chilled you are the easier it will be xxx

Formula was the best thing for your dd and I think you may still have pnd clouding your mind or you would be able to see that. The guilt you feel is not deserved, you did the right thing. You need to deal with your pnd, have you had counselling/therap? It really can help. If in the future you do decide to have another a baby and are unable to bf then hopefully the therapy will help you see that you are not harming your baby by ff and are a caring mum.

I have been where you are now. My DC are 17 and 14 now. Feeding with DS was exactly as it has been for you and I shared the PND because of it.

The experience was different with DD and I fed her for 9 months. At 14 she, with DS, is the light of my life and I cannot imagine not having her and the thought that she might not be here for the sake of breastfeeding, and I thought about that too, is unimaginable and my life would not be as rich without her.

Breastfeeding is a tiny part of motherhood (along with the perfect birth). Love transcends breast milk and babies grow into toddlers, infant children, junior children, teenagers and adults. They remember love and the milestones of their first goal and graze and night away at cub or brownie camp and that you were there to love and support them. They do not remember birth and breastfeeding and it does not make them better children or people.

You will never be able to give two children exactly the same childhood- they will be different people. Different things will happen to them, they will cope differently with life.

Ok, so no 2 may not get the benefit of the breastmilk- but he will get the benefit of all the extra childrearing experience you have got through practising on no 1. Ime it all evens out in the end.

I had a very difficult time breastfeeding dc1- we ended up hospitalised in the end, so I can understand where you're coming from. But ime life doesn't repeat itself- it does something totally unexpected instead! Dc2 turned out to be premature and underweight, but breastfed like a champion.

But I agree with others that you need to deal with your feelings about your first experience and make sure you are over your PND before thinking about the next child.