to let children play when they 'call for my DCs?

[mumnosbest]

Ok, this isn't quite an aibu as I don't think I or they are being completely but I would want to throttle ground the child for life.

I live in an area where it's common place to see older DCs (6yrs) trawling the streets with younger (2-3yrs) siblings. A kid from DCs class has started 'calling on' my DS (7yrs) and as I don't like him playing out unless I know the parents/have pre-arranged it, I let them play here instead of crossing roads and playing there. This has been working well for over a month. However yesterday the child brought a cousin along to play (little boy of about 5). I asked who he was, was he allowed out, did his parents know where he was etc. They both said yes, he was playing at childA's and his mum (child Bs Aunty) said it was ok. Anyway they played happily in the garden and in and out of DSs bedroom for about an hour untill a very irate dad (of child B) came searching for him, they'd been looking for an hour and were about to call the police.

I felt terrible, explained that I had asked them and they said it was ok. Dad seemed ok and left with his DS leaving the older child behind (I sent him home quick-smart).

Was this just poor judgement on my part or was I really irresponsible? I should know children sometimes lie, should have checked. However that would have meant taking 5 children (mine+2) 3 streets away and looking for their house.

I made the wrong assumption, having an idea of the families, that they were ok with their 5yr old roaming the streets. I know that was a mistake.

Not trying to lay the blame but I wouldn't have allowed DS aged 5 out of the house, never mind 3 streets away and wouldn't have waited an hour to call the police.

I guess there isn't really a question as such just rambling. Would you have acted the same orwas I a bit stupid?

I would probably have acted the same, knowing a lot of little ones are allowed to run the streets here too.

However, should Mammas DD aged 6 and DS aged 5 ever come and ask to play in yours, please return them to me pronto, as they are not allowed out of the garden at all!!

It happens OP, how about in future telling them that, yes of course they can come in and play but to go back and get their parent so they can bring them over to see where they will be.

Thanks. will do mammaTJ and same goes for mine. IU think people here must think I'm really strict not letting my 7 and 4 yr olds out of the gate!

I've definately learnt my lesson and will not be letting any strays in without parents telling me to my face it's ok.

I feel better to know other's would have done the same thing. All this stress and DS is only 7! Can't wait for his teens: sleepovers, alcohol and then girls!

This can be a bit of a pain. You never know if you're being uptight not to let them come in to play, or overly casual if you do. And sometimes I don't want to hear officially from parents I don't know that it's okay, because you never know who will take the piss and use you as an unofficial babysitter every time they want a bit of peace and quiet.
Okay, so I'm uptight. But it comes from bitter experience.

Whats wrong with a five year old playing in the street? My childs been playing out since she was about 4. She isnt allowed to wander the streets. She has to b where she says she is going to be and i dont see a problem with that.
If you live in an area where your children can play outside whats the harm?

Why don't you let your 7 year old play out?

The thing is, child B's parents may well have given permission for him to be playing out on the street, or at child A's house, but wouldn't have had a clue where to find him while he was in and out of the the OP's son's bedroom. I think in those circs, it might have been best to make the kids go and check with their parents that it was OK for them to come into someone else's house. I'd have been having kittens if it had been my kids and I thought I knew that they were playing in a certain location and then they disappeared into the house of someone I didn't know.

Our house is on a main road, so it doesn't arise at home. But when we're camping, we have a rule that the girls can roam wherever they like within the confines of the campsite, including play areas etc, but if they want to visit someone in their tent they have to come and tell us first. Otherwise we'd have no clue where they were if we wanted them.

He came with a child you know is allowed to yours, you asked if he was allowed...

If it was me, I'd be angry with my child, not you.

You could get them to ring parents so you can check?

AKE20128 at 5 they think everyone is their friend. Even my nearly 7 year old thinks that all the people she sees regularly are her friends. We see a man on the bus very regularly, once on the bus, he stroked my 11 year old Goddaughters leg up and down. He is not* a friend. He tries calling kids in to his home. I do not want to give my DD details of this, I would like her to retain her innocence for as long as possible. I have told her he is a mean man and she has to stay away from him, but one smile is all it takes to convince her otherwise. There are paedophiles in other streets too, not just down the road from me!! At least we know about this bloke!

I have ongoing problems with two sets of neighbours they have hooligans young children who are allowed to run the streets. My children are not going to go out and come into contact with them because they will get hurt. Contact with the children would also lead to contact with the parents. Not happening!!!

No, still can't see anything right with letting my kids run the streets.

AKE20128 at 5 they think everyone is their friend. Even my nearly 7 year old thinks that all the people she sees regularly are her friends. We see a man on the bus very regularly, once on the bus, he stroked my 11 year old Goddaughters leg up and down. He is not* a friend. He tries calling kids in to his home. I do not want to give my DD details of this, I would like her to retain her innocence for as long as possible. I have told her he is a mean man and she has to stay away from him, but one smile is all it takes to convince her otherwise. There are paedophiles in other streets too, not just down the road from me!! At least we know about this bloke!

I have ongoing problems with two sets of neighbours they have hooligans young children who are allowed to run the streets. My children are not going to go out and come into contact with them because they will get hurt. Contact with the children would also lead to contact with the parents. Not happening!!!

No, still can't see anything right with letting my kids run the streets.

oops, don't know what I did there!! Not all of that was meant to be bold!

Oh and double posted, very odd!

My children played on the front outside my house, they didn't 'run the streets'whatever that means

The children the OP is talking about did, the children I see do. Your children, I would imagine, are very well looked after and very well behaved. Not all are.

You just used your judgement and the parents of the 5 year old and his cousin! Learned a lesson.

They should not be allowing 7 year olds out with such small DC. If it happens again though I would just say "The little one can't play without his Mum knowing where he is...you can go and ask if you like but if she says no, then that's it." I remeber ths happening in the 70s!

usual you know what run the streets means!

I don't My children played in the street if thats what you mean.

It's very different to have a little one playing outside in front of your house where you can see them with a quick glance out of the window and generally hear them than letting a young child go off wandering 3 or 4 streets away, out of your window view or hearing range, with no real knowledge of who it is they are going to play with, for how long, or even if the other child is in or not.

I don't care if I am over protective or not. At 4/5y DD only played outside out of the garden if I was out watching and supervising her. At 7y she was allowed out without supervision but only outside the house and with others, gradually building to further afield and out of sight - but only on same street (it's an L shape.) She's 10y now and for the past year she's been allowed out to the park (still on our estate) with friends and she still has to check in every hour. She wouldn't be allowed to go entirely on her own though. It hasn't stopped her developing confidence and independence and she is perfectly well adjusted. I wasn't allowed either at those ages. And we live in a fairly safe cul de sac type location. This is very common kind of ages round here, although little ones sometimes play out front younger than that if they are with the bigger children - it's not a good range of ages out there.

Wow it got busy here while I was away!
AKE2012 Nothing wrong with playing on your street if it's a safe street and you're comfortable with that. Around here there are a lot of boy racer types and my DD at 4 is definately not streetwise enough to deal with being out of my sight, nor are some of the other small children who wander a few streets away.
usualsuspect DS isn't allowed beyond the end of our road with me keeping an eye because I don't think he's mature enough, don't trust everyone who lives here and am not comfortable with this yet.

Thanks for the more supportive posts and advice. I wasn't really asking about wether or not to allow my own DCs a longer leash as I'm confident in my approach to parenting. It's whether I was wrong in allowing the other 2 to play which it appears most of you think was ok.

Hulababy, you sound very sensible and these are definately the sorts of ages and levels of independence I plan for my children. I just hope we can move soooooooooooon to somewhere I'll feel happier letting the DCs out of the gate!
BertieBotts That's a good idea about getting them to phone home (at least for the older child). I think I might also send my mobile number home with him next time so his mum can get in touch if she needs to.