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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just want to cry

22 replies

Stressedstressedstressed · 28/06/2012 14:25

Am regular but namechanged as I'm embarassed.

Since having DS and becoming a SAHM things are financially tight, but manageable. DH was off sick earlier this month, manager told him he would be eligible for company sick pay. He was hospitalised as was so ill, but would have tried to go back to work sooner if he hadn't been getting paid, even if he wasn't really well enough to go.

They've only paid him SSP. We are down about £500, but this means we can't afford all our direct debits, and that's without buying any food, milk, nappies etc. I just don't know what we can do. We've got a small amount in savings (around £200) but the car MOT and road tax are due this month so that's those gone.

We just can't win, there always seems to be something going wrong. I had loved my job, but couldn't afford to go back to work (would have cost more in childcare than my salary, and would have taken us over tax credit threshold) so we would have been significantly worse off. I've given up my job for my family, and yet I'm doing a crap job as I can't even balance things to be able to feed my son!

I don't even know why I'm posting, I think I just need a bit of a virtual hug, and any advice of where to turn. I know, AIBU probably wrong topic

OP posts:

JammySplodger · 28/06/2012 14:28

I don't know what to advise but I hope it gets sorted

HeadfirstForHalos · 28/06/2012 14:29

Cancel some direct debits and call the companies, explain the situation, set the dds back up for next monthwith a little extra on top to pay off what you are missing this month. So long as you ring them most companies are quite good about this sort of thing.

You don't need to be embaressed either x

JammySplodger · 28/06/2012 14:30

Other than maybe ringing ulitities, morgage company and be up front with them if you're going to struggle, most will try and work something out so you can pay the bit you owe over the next few months. I think they'd rather do that than for it to all go pear shaped for you, as they'd probably lose out more if that happened.

JammySplodger · 28/06/2012 14:33

(sorry not sure my two posts followed very well). Do ring them, you should be able to sort something out.

Pancakeflipper · 28/06/2012 14:33

Virtual hug. That's not a fun position to be in. And its circumstances out of your control - not you being crap.

On a practical level do what Headfirstfor Halos says.

And any family you can borrow a little money from? The family members who would hate to know you were struggling?
Can you ebay anything?
Can you do some babysitting or something in an evening a few times a week? I know it's pennies really but it can add up.

Dropdeadfred · 28/06/2012 14:34

Can your dh get an advance on his wages and agree to pay it back over 2 or 3 months?

newport67 · 28/06/2012 14:38

What a horrible situation. You are not doing a crap job. As others have said can you borrow from family or get a salary advance.
virtual hug coming your way.

CrackedNipplesSuchFun · 28/06/2012 14:40

Hey Stressed, my DH and have been and still are in the same position, constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul etc.. Done the DIrect Debit ring round so that has helped immensely. Sadly I've no family my side and my DH family are skint tight. AND we've just had confirmation that our tax credits are down to the bare minimum due to my DH Xmas bonus, which paid off the stupid pissing credit card!

Grrrrrr....

Anyway, I have been doing the eBay thing for the past month and a half and bugger me I've made over £600 (this is with all the fees taken out too). It's been amazing and helped us out of a very tight situation. It's not ideal as its not a long term strategy but has certainly help in the short term. Maybe you could give that a go? Be warned you do sta looking at everything in your house and think 'I could sell that...'.

CrackedNipplesSuchFun · 28/06/2012 14:43

But p lease don't cry or stress. As long as your mortgage/rent, council tax bills are paid sod the rest. The non secured debts will just have to be patient. You eating and being able for your DH to get to work are the most important things.

You will get through it I promise. It's a bumpy ride but hopefully one both you and I will look back at in a few years and laugh about :)

CrackedNipplesSuchFun · 28/06/2012 14:44

(and obviously important for DC to have their food and nappies too!)

ekidna · 28/06/2012 14:49

Bless you. That sounds rubbish. Give yourself a short time limit to feel shit then try and action stations the short term problem if you can using good advice so far. I'm thinking that the boss was well out of order for promising that and not delivering- could any hr people here give you advice on that?
There's a website called turned2us.org which has a grants database you could search to see if there is anything relevant to you or your husbands situation xx

ekidna · 28/06/2012 14:50

Wot Fred said sounds like a good idea seeing as employer f'd up with their advice

Original poster

Stressedstressedstressed · 28/06/2012 14:53

Thankyou everyone, it's nice to hear I'm not the only one to have been in this situation. I'm going to try and call some of our direct debit companies in the morning, see what I can arrange with them. It's just such a fine balancing act when you're skint, I never realised how fragile it can all be.

DH is going to speak to his manager, but it's a very large organisation so he's doubtful re getting salary advance. DH's family are so tight with money, no chance of a loan from them, I'll have to speak to my parents and see if they can help out.

OP posts:

thefirstmrsrochester · 28/06/2012 14:53

Hi there stressed, I have been (and still am some months) in your position. Different reasons - DH self employed & the work just isn't there.
What we have done is fought with northern rock to get mortgage on interest only, and and loans etc we have, we pay a regular token amount. We will increase the repayments when we have more money coming in.
Council tax, you can spread over 12 months.
I go to asda when I know they mark down food and bung it in the freezer - my dc actually moaned about having rack of lamb (£6 down to £1.50) yet again.
£500 doesn't sound a lot to be short of but when you have no other options, it might as well be £50k. However if you can get your mortgage & any repayments down, you will have breathing space.
I also second, third and quadruple that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. There is a recession and you are a victim of circumstance.
I don't know about 'Dave', but lots of us are in this together.
Lastly and importantly, you are absolutely not doing a crap job as a SAHM. You care enought to be getting in a tizz and for posting

samandi · 28/06/2012 15:03

Advice other posters have given is all good. It may also be worth checking with his company in case it was an administrative cock up and he is actually entitled to company sick pay. What does his contract say?

lochlessmonster · 28/06/2012 15:10

Can you give your local Citizens Advice a call? They will help you claim anything you're entitled to and help explaining your situation to debtors or utilities companies and negotiating reduced payment plans

gallicgirl · 28/06/2012 15:13

You might be able to claim council tax benefit for the period your DH was off sick. Talk to your council ASAP

Original poster

Stressedstressedstressed · 28/06/2012 16:45

My mum has said she will lend us the money, and we can pay it back a bit at a time. Going to mean we are skint for the next few years months but so much better than missing payments etc. thanks again everyone, it means so much to get a sympathetic response.

OP posts:

jenduck · 28/06/2012 16:53

You poor thing, have some or or

Can I just add that if you call your council re: council tax, they may let you make this month's payment next month, if you are on a 10-month payment schedule. Ours did this when we were really struggling a few years ago, it just meant that our 2 payment-free months were 1 month later than usual, iyswim. They also said that they were glad I'd called rather than miss a payment, and to ring again if we weren't going to be able to meet this arrangement (which we did).

For food, if you can, try haunting the reduced sections of the supermarket just before closing - it's amazing what bargains can be had! Or use any nectar points/Tesco vouchers that you have. Also look on Credit Crunch boards for 100s more tips!

Also agree with selling stuff on Ebay/Gumtree (local so people will pick up & free listings). We have made an easy £100 this way from things that were just cluttering up the garage (although DCat then got into a fight & had to go the the vet, wiping out £65 of this )

Please don't feel embarrassed or that you were not doing your job properly - these things happen to everyone (well, nearly) & I'm sure your DC know they are loved, which is so important, as is supporting your DH through his illness. I hope he is better now.

jenduck · 28/06/2012 16:53

X-post, glad it will all be OK, thanks to your lovely mum!

cocolepew · 28/06/2012 17:02

Good for mum .

When we got into a pickle,after DH fell off his motorbike and couldnt work, we phoned the mortgage company. A lot of them allow you to take a short break. We had a 3 month break but we could have had a year!

Its always worth phoning.

Pancakeflipper · 28/06/2012 17:16

Hurrah for mum!

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