Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MiL really should have got over herself by now

34 replies

freddiefrog · 28/06/2012 10:14

and to refuse to go and see her until she gets her backside down here and visits us!

10 years ago DH and I moved a few hundred miles away from the area we grew up in to a village on the SW coast. At the time, MiL totally disapproved of our move, told us we'd regret it, would hate it and would be back home within the year. Kicked up a massive, massive stink, refused to speak to us, refused to ever visit us and was generally bloody awful about the whole thing.

10 years and 2 kids later we're still living here, still love it and have a very happy life and in all this time she has never, ever visited us.

We still have family and friends 'back home' and go back for birthdays/Christmas/etc, probably averaging once a month - we stay with my parents as they have more room for all of us (2 adults, 2 kids and 1 dog) and visit everyone, including her.

We last saw her at Easter (she was away on holiday the last time we went back so didn't get to visit her) and she's currently kicking up a huge fuss because she won't see our kids now for a few months. We like to stay down here over the summer, it's a fantastic place to be, so we have no plans to go back until the October half term, but she knows she's more than welcome to visit us here.

When we moved here, we totally accepted we'd do the bulk of the travelling if we wanted to see people, other F&F come and visit us a lot (we're hugely popular in the summer months :) ), but in this instance, IMO, if she really wants to see the kids before October she can ger off her arse and visit us.

OP posts:
Original poster
freddiefrog · 28/06/2012 15:48

Thanks!

DH probably doesn't have the best relationship with his mum, she's very high maintenance and nothing is ever good enough so he's given up trying and can't be bothered, its easier to ignore her rather than try to make her see his side of the story iyswim. For example, she gives him grief because he doesn't phone her enough (yet she never phones us) so to avoid the row, he doesn't ring her. We sent her flowers for mothers day a couple of years ago but she berated him for not sending a card, so he just doesn't bother any more, which results in more moaning from her and more sticking his head in the sand from him and we're stuck in a vicious circle

But I definitely won't be visiting her again until she gets her backside down here

OP posts:
VegansTasteBetter · 28/06/2012 16:10

Once she realises how great it is you'll never be rid of her.. so yab a bit thick trying to get her over really

AdoraBell · 28/06/2012 16:19

When we lived in the next county Shock the ILs suggested that we alternate, one month we go to them, the next they to us. We visited as arranged, it's only an hour's drive says MIL. When it came to our turn to host they couldn't possibly drive all that distance, it's a whole hour you know

We now live the other side of the planet. It's bliss

NeedlesCuties · 28/06/2012 16:20

YANBU.

My own MIL can be a bit like that. She has driven to our house (40 miles from hers) ONCE in the 6 years we've lived here.

We're just starting to nod and smile and try to let her moaning go over our heads...

ENormaSnob · 28/06/2012 17:10

Yanbu

Leave the silly owd bag to it.

purplefairies · 29/06/2012 09:20

freddiefrog - sounds like we have the same MIL. We also get the complaints about a lack of phone calls (she would like them daily, but DH normally does every other day). We even had a big argument last year because I (not DH, apparently I have to phone her as often as he does) didn't phone her on Easter Sunday to wish her a Happy Easter (???) - we were abroad at the time and I'd bought her chocolate to take back as a gift, but no, the perfectly timed phone call is more important.

I think it's a shame because people spoil things for themselves when they behave like this. Now, instead of thinking, "oh, it will be nice to phone mum this evening for a chat", DH ends up sitting at the dinner table thinking "oh no, have to phone mum now, best get it over now to keep her happy". That's what happens when everything becomes an obligation.

Pinkshoes2 · 29/06/2012 09:47

Hi freddiefrog, maybe it would be helpful to read up about narcissists, im not saying your mil is one but you will know yourself if she is or not if you read up on it. If she is then theres a certain way of going about things with them which would probably make it easier to deal with her if she is indeed one!

GillyMac93 · 29/06/2012 09:56

YANBU!!My MIL is like this too , she told SIL that she had holidays so come over and see me , they have moved to a small island , 3 hours on a ferry with 5mnth old 2 yr old and 5 yr old on her own because mil doesnt want to goover by herself . SIL doesnt even get to stay with mil when she comes over as she has no room so has to stay with us .Worst is MiL was slagging her off for not being able to tell her what time they would arrive !!!Sorry for hijacking OP need to vent MIL frustration!!Angry

pumpkinsweetie · 29/06/2012 09:57

Yanbu, she should get over it or get of her butt and get to you.
On that not im so jealousEnvy you have managed to escape your mil, i wish i couldGrin
Just ignore her and be glad you moved away, as she sounds very irratating and self righteous

New posts on this thread. Refresh page