to get very confused by scares / hysteria / real dangers

[scrambledlegs]

have name changed as I don't want to be outed.

There has been a scare at our school about attempted child abduction. We have had several warnings from police in the past about people in white vans etc.

Last night someone tried to persuade a child to get into their van near school. The police were called, several parents questioned etc.

There is now a big panic from lots of parents. Several have been in to talk to the head etc, talk of events outside school being cancelled/taking children out.

I never know what to do in these situations and fear I am coming across as very blasé. My attitude is to carry on very much as normal, maybe with a bit of a chat to DS1 about stranger danger - however I'm starting to feel like the worst mother in the world.

Just because everyone else has gone into headless chicken mode doesn't mean you should feel guilty for not joining in. Take sensible precautions for ds1 and leave the rest to take whatever precautions they feel appropriate for their own dcs, not matter how ott.

it's okay to be cautious and to talk to kids calmly about dangers - there is no need for hysteria though

is this really true - did you talk to the police etc - I only ask because there was a massive story here last year about men in white vans taking boys ...eventually the police issued a notice telling people it was just an internet scare story - thankfully I didn't buy into it anyway but there where plenty of headless chicken parents at school and all over FB!

No someone did get a visit from the police to ask if they'd seen anything, so I think it was genuine. But we get an email every couple of months reporting suspicious vans.

No, they are in year 2 and reception so we walk to school. There's always a bit of running out of the gate at hometime with other children but they are never very far away.

also don't simply do stranger danger - people known to you can still be dangerous (more likely to be in fact) far better to discuss abusive people and explain that he has a right never to be made to do anything he finds scary or uncomfortable - also emphasize that you would never send anyone to pick him up without letting him know

I tend not to go hysterical either OP we had this a few years ago it was scary but i didnt panic IMO this makes the situation much worse and rumours and hysteria starts, just carry on as you usually do with a bit of caution , like if he walks home by himself or likely to be on his own, Hysteria doesnt help

I have to agree with gordy are you sure its true I have seen countless facebook updates of men in snatching children , its usually the same car/van but in totally different areas, iyswim

I think it's better to have calm chats about stranger danger, then allow children to get on with normal life.

And I don't think that's blase - I grew up in the 70s and there were a spate of genuine child abductions. My parents still let us go to the park and down to the shops, just made sure that we knew not to accept invitation to go see the puppies etc, and to make a good loud fuss if we were unhappy about a situation. The world isn't actually any more dangerous than it was then (except the level of traffic).

As Gordy says, rather than "stranger danger" you need to cover personal safety issues more generally. I always told DS not to go anywhere with anyone wthout checking with me/dad/granny/teacher first because we'd be worried where he was. And that if people made him feel uncomfortable he didn't have to go along with anything he didn't like. It did mean he occasionally came across as a bit rude, since he didn't know what sort of things he was being protected against, but most adults will happily accept an explanation if they are a bit put-out by not getting a cuddle etc.

I tend to not get all hysterical. The children know about not going anywhere with someone they don't know, for any reason, even if they are offered sweeties/told mam is in hospital again/any other reason, and the school does have a policy of only letting the infants leave once the teacher sees who they are with. If the teachers don't know the person, they ask the child who it is privately, then ask the person who they are. With reception and nursery, someone who is picking up the children and isn't known to the staff must have id and be "on the list" that we fill in at the start of each year. Someone who isn't on the list, in an emergency say, must know the "secret codeword" for that child and the staff will also phone the parent if possible to check up, and again, they ask for id. This is all a tad OTT but three of the children from the school were snatched by their mother's psycho boyfriend last year, and he had them for over a week and it was awful :(
I guess maybe if they walked home alone I would remind them, and maybe go to meet them if there was some kind of "alert" (And official one from the police/school, not rumours and speculation) - DD would be allowed to leave alone as she's in the juniors but she comes with me and the boys.
We have to cross a major dual carriageway so I will always be there until they go to senior school.

Amuminscotland i remember that and you are right we were allowed to go out and about just with pals and not on our own don't talk to anybody etc,

there was an awful spate of little girls being abducted in scotland

One of the schools near us sent out a text warning parents about an attempted abduction. Turned out someone had offered a kid a ride, while it was raining during the one day bus strike. Was close by but not the same school (not sure that makes much difference to be honest).

There are warnings every nearly every week in the summer at a local high school. I've become a bit scepticle. Stranger abductions are really rare. I find it somewhat unbelievable that there are all these "attempts" but almost no successful ones.

I used to hitchhike when I as a teenager, along with quite a few friends. We used to joke about the danger, but nothing even vaguely dangerous happened to any of us.

At the same time my kids are too young to be on their own so I don't have to put anything into practice yet.

Bah. Use to x2.

I carry on as normal.
I reckon that humans are programmed to respond to everything as though we lived in a community of 200 people & that was our whole universe & sum of social knowledge. So we over-react when assessing risks because although something bad happened in a community of X thousand-million people, it's as though the scary event happened in a close-knit community of just 200 who we need to rely on & trust for our very survival; we can't emotionally distinguish.

On top of that the modern media doesn't let us forget, so it feels like the same thing is happening again & again, confirming our emotional perception that the scary event is frequent & common, rather than just a single very rare incident.

So one girl at a hotel in a population of 700 million people goes missing 6 yrs ago & now we all think that every girl left alone in a hotel room anywhere is at extremely high risk of going missing.