In thinking that my relationship with my mother is really becoming strained now?

[FrankieAnne]

My mum just never seems interested in anything I do. Instead she goes on and on about herself or my sister. Example:

me - "wow I'm so knackered after that 13 hour shift"
mum - "yes but lots of people have to do it, not just you. How do you think I feel when I've been 'at shop' (she works voluntary in a charity shop)?"

I'm sorry but 4 hours sat drinking tea and chatting in a quiet charity shop CANNOT be compared with a 13 shift of ward nursing. It just can't.

me - "oh these exams are stressed me right out"
mum - "yes, your sister is stressed, poor 'sarah', all the work she has to do!"

I'm sorry but 'drawing a few pictures' in a class of 15 people one afternoon a week is not comparable to 3 degree level exams and a 3000 assignment.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to score points with "my life is harder" but she just never even seems interested in anything I tell her at all. I've just got off the phone with her where she spent 20 minutes reeling off everyone elses illnesses (really what I want to hear after working on the ward all day) and then ... when I could get a word in edge ways I said "well, I had a good day today ... I ... " and my mum jumped in with "oh good, Sarah is loving her new job, she's learning so much! at least now she's experienced to get a good job (she's been there 2 days!!)

I'm due to go and visit my mum tomorrow and she demanded to know what time I'd be arriving and then when I told her put on her sulky voice and asked how long I'd be staying. Honestly she may as well have just said "don't stay too long, there's a love".

I know people will say I will regret this when she's gone but she's been like this all her life, especially with me and as a result I've grown up thinking of myself as pretty worthless.

When I passed my driving test - my mum told people I'd "got my provisional"
When I passed my A-levels - my mum told people I'd "done a test of something and passed"
When I got my degree my mum told people I'd "done something at college"
When I was doing district nursing, my mum told people I was a "home help".

This is going to sound weird but I think YABU. It actually sounds like your relationship with you DM has been strained for years :(

I know there are threads in relationships which discuss parents and you may wish to repost over there to get advice from wiser MNers than me?

Have you tried talking to your sister. My Mother does this, everything my sister has done is far more interesting/better/harder than anything I have done or am doing. Turns out my sister gets it the other way round.

What Dawndonna said. Maybe you and your sister could present a united front or at least roll your eyes knowingly when she starts.

Have you tried telling her you're pregnant with triplets and are running away with their circus performer father and his other wife to live in a yurt in Outer Mongolia and herd yaks?
Just to see what she says...
Are you the oldest one btw? My mam does the same thing to a certain extent, although not to the degree yours seems to, and I think it's because I'm the oldest and "the sensible clever one" and my sister is "the baby" and "the helpless one who needs support"

Dawn - I was gonna say that - probably when she is talking to the sister it does get turned around.

Op - I feel your pain. Whenever I speak to my sis it turns out to be a who's more hard done by scenario. I have never been able to keep up with her in the hardship stakes ..I just switch off!