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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No support for what i am sure is PND.

32 replies

NewMummy48 · 27/06/2012 12:50

I am pretty sure that I have PND, I plucked up the courage to tell my DM on the phone that I think I have it and she said "Don't be so stupid, It?s your Dick of a husband".

Me and DH have been having some trouble in our relationship lately and I asked him to take a morning off of work so I could go to the GP about what I think is PND and his reply was "No, I like work so I don't want to take anytime off" he also keeps saying that he prefers being at work than at home, he has said some pretty horrible things to me lately and I do not understand how he has just become so hostile towards me.

I have taken the PND test online and got a score of 25, I also have pretty much all of the symptoms of having it.

I have no family or friends around me, I am 20 and my DS is 9 months old, I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to take my DS to the appointment as I don't want him to be in that situation.

Please I need advice.

Im sorry, I know i put this on WWYD but there are not as many people to offer advice as this forum.

OP posts:

didldidi · 27/06/2012 12:54

Well it could be both couldn't it? your son is only 9 months he will be fine at the appointment if necessary.

giraffe17 · 27/06/2012 12:55

you need to make an appointment and take ds with you, for some reason you are making a problem out of taking him where there is none - he is 9 months and will have no idea that youre even at the doctors!!!

If gp gives you antidepressants you will, in a few short weeks, be able to think more clearly about what you want with regard to your husband , who is most certainly a total ARSE.

Please dont delay the appointment any longer - take your life into your own hands, your husband is being spiteful

BellaDesconocida · 27/06/2012 12:57

Is that the Edinburgh test? Please go to the GP, your little one will be fine at the appointment.

goodygumdrops · 27/06/2012 12:57

Oh dear it sounds like things are very hard for you. It does sound like your mum has a point ... but maybe you do need to go and see your GP too. Your son wont understand whats going on so dont worry about that. Good luck.

buffinmuffin · 27/06/2012 12:57

Go to the doctor and take the baby with you.

Divorce your husband. He is a dick.

CherryBlossom27 · 27/06/2012 13:01

I agree with the other posters, take your son with you.

Fwiw I think your mum may have a point, if your husband isn't treating you nicely of course you're going to feel bad about it.

When you feel up to it. I really recommend going to the stuff run by your local surestart centre - it's usually free and the staff are very friendly and will introduce youto people. It's a good way to a) get out of the house and b) chat to other grown-ups during the day.

My family and close friends don't live nearby, so I know how you feel in terms of being lonely.

Good luck at the doctors

mrsbabookaloo · 27/06/2012 13:01

Just to add that I took my dd2 to my counselling sessions for what was probably PND - she was probably about 6-8 months, and it was fine: she didn't notice/mind me snivelling away to the counsellor, and didn't distract me too much.

Make the appointment - don't use your DS as an excuse not to. You need to talk to someone.

Your husband does sound unsupportive, but I guess he might be just as young as you and not really coping with/ready for parenthood.

NinjaChipmunk · 27/06/2012 13:02

I agree with everything giraffe says, make an appointment, take you son with you. Your husband does sound like he is being an arse which certainly won't be helping things. Has he always been like this or just since your ds arrived?
Can you start going to some baby groups to get to know some local people? You need to make sure you are getting out an about a bit during the day and they can be a good way of getting a support network around you. Do you have a sure start centre near you? They often have lots going on, I know mine do groups specifically aimed at younger parents as well as general stay and play groups. You need to go at least 6-8 times to groups I find in order to get to know regular faces and get on nodding/ hello terms which can then blossom into some nice friendships.
Good luck and don't put off making the appointment.

elliejjtiny · 27/06/2012 13:06

Go to the dr and take your baby with you. I took all my children to the GP for my PND appointments and at the last one DS1 was 5, DS2 was 3 and DS3 was 9 months. None of them noticed what I was saying to the dr. What are you worried about him seeing/hearing? Having a mum who has untreated PND will affect him more than being there at the appointment.

You will feel so much better when you are getting the proper treatment.

Original poster

NewMummy48 · 27/06/2012 13:07

Yes it was the Edinburgh test.

I just feel that if I become very upset in the appointment (Which is most likely going to happen) then DS will become aware of it and they may see me as being irresponsible for bringing him? I cannot help it, he sees me cry everyday but I feel that talking about what i am going through with my GP would be heart-breaking for him to be there with me.

I do not know why I feel like that but I do think that it is time to book myself an appointment as I have not been able to cope with it myself, I?m just scared of what they are going to say I suppose.

OP posts:

NinjaChipmunk · 27/06/2012 13:09

Making the appointment is the first step in getting help to make it better. Look at it that way. Your ds will not have a clue what you are discussing with the gp.

CherryBlossom27 · 27/06/2012 13:10

Honestly don't worry, just ring and make the appointment now and it will be ok! Try and make it an early morning appointment then you won't have to spend the day thinking about the appointment.

FunnysInLaJardin · 27/06/2012 13:12

they won't see you as irresponsible, quite the opposite I would think. Do go to the doctors with your DS. It will be fine, they are not there to judge you, but to help

Viviennemary · 27/06/2012 13:13

I can see your point about you becoming upset in front of your DS. I don't think anybody would see you as beng irresponsible for bringing him though. Please do see your GP as soon as you can.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 27/06/2012 13:15

They won't judge you for taking DS, I'm sure they will realise that thanks to Dick DH there is no other option.

spooktrain · 27/06/2012 13:16

I took DS at around that age to an appt to talk about getting help for PND and wept all over him (literally, he was in a baby bjorn carrier). GPs will have seen it many times before and your DS will not know what is going on. Please take care and get the help you need, you don't need to be suffering like this, things can be so much better.

Original poster

NewMummy48 · 27/06/2012 13:17

I tried a children?s centre when DS was about 3 months old and found it completely intimidating and I didn?t cope well with it at all.

I just find the thoughts of going to one terrifying, I don't like going out at all at the moment TBH.

I find it very difficult as my family is quite judgemental and I am worried about what they will think if I do have to go on anti-depressants.

Thank you all for the advice, I?ll just have to pluck up the courage to make an appointment soon, I am more nervous about taking DS to the appointment than making one because I have no idea how it is going to be talking it through with a GP.

OP posts:

NinjaChipmunk · 27/06/2012 13:19

why do you need to tell them (your family) if it is making you worried?

Viviennemary · 27/06/2012 13:24

There's some really good advice on the Mind website about Postnatel Depression if you've not already seen it. And there is a helpline you can ring.

BellaOfTheBalls · 27/06/2012 13:24

You will not be seen as irresponsible for bringing him. That is not you talking that is the illness. Your GP will just want to help you whether you bring your DS, your mother or your pet elephant.

Please, please, please make an appointment. Once the medication kicks in things will get better for you and you will be able to see the wood for the trees. Your husband really does not sound very supportive at all; perhaps if he sees that you have a genuine illness then he may realise he needs to step up a bit more.

Original poster

NewMummy48 · 27/06/2012 13:26

I just have no-one else to talk to about it and I feel as though I should tell them, I asked my DM if I could come and stay with her for a weekend about a week ago just to get away from the situation and talk about what I am going to do about DH and about being seen about PND and she said "No, You should stay there and sort it out not run away" My DH has been like this for over a month now and I just thought that giving him and myself some space would help.

I have thought for long time now that I have PND but hoped that it was just a faze that I was going through and it would blow over but it has got progressively worse and I just need to do something about it now because it just won?t go away, I guess I?ll just have to hope DS is okay in the appointment, I feel sick thinking about him being there.

OP posts:

missmouseflaps · 27/06/2012 13:29

Hi, i realized I had PND when my daughter was about 3 months. I was so scared to tell anyone, because of reactions like the ones you experienced. I felt that my Mum was too old fashioned and "didnt believe in depression", and one of the friends I did tell, has now.....2 years later, told me she didnt believe I had it in the first place. It is a horrible thing to go through. There is support out there for you. Know one has that right to tell you how you are feeling. I took my DD to all my doc appoints and support groups. good luck. xxxxxxxx

elliejjtiny · 27/06/2012 13:38

You don't need to tell your family if you need to take anti-depressants. I never did. If you want to talk to people who understand I think there is a PND section on mumsnet. I used to go on a PND forum a lot when my DS1 was young, less scary than talking to "real" people.

BellaOfTheBalls · 27/06/2012 13:42

How supportive is your HV? I know they are a minefield. If you have a good one maybe give them a ring? They are often better placed to offer help and practical support than GPs & may know local PND groups etc. They can also put you in touch with HomeStart who are amaaazing.

Original poster

NewMummy48 · 27/06/2012 13:58

I do not see a HV, I moved into a new area and when I asked for their help they didn't turn up so I have used the GP ever since.

I do not have a car either so getting to PND groups would be difficult depending on where they were, I do not know the area I have moved to at all, it is a very isolated village so it?s hard to get around without a car.

I guess that I am just going to have to make an appointment, I find it terrifying though but I do not want to get any worse than I am, I don?t think that I would cope at all.

OP posts:

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