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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think soon to be ex FIL is wrong to open my mail?

53 replies

rotool · 26/06/2012 20:18

OK so my mail sometimes ends up at my inlaws ( soon to be ex ) as they live next door and my FIL opens it. It has his address on it but my name due to having had to live there for 7 weeks three years ago .
I recieved a letter from his Solicitor today advising me that FIL had asked him to write to the companies involved informing them that I do not live there.
For him to know the names and addresses of the companies he must have opend my mail. I'm mad that he has opend my mail and mad that he couldn't have mentioned it to me via mail, or his son ( my soon to be ex ).
Am I being unreasonable to ask my Solicitor to write to his complaining that he should not have opend my mail?

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 26/06/2012 20:34

I guess he could have got the address from the envelopes but why just not return them to me. Is is still keeping my mail from me even if this is the case.

Return to sender - it will take 3 moths or so for the PO to return them to the sender and have the sender bother to track you down. How inconvenient is that? And he doesnt even have to open them himself. Perfectly legal.

SecretNutellaFix · 26/06/2012 20:35

I sometimes get my neighbours post. I don't open it, I pop it around.

Original poster
rotool · 26/06/2012 20:36

Bogeyface
We had a decloration of trust drawn up when we bought the property.
My solicitor has requested it several times in the last three months and my ex will not hand it over. He has my copy and his copy.
I rang the solicitor who delt with it and they told me the file had been sent to said solicitor who happens to be my ex's fathers solicitor.
My solicitor is going to look ino this as I did not give permission.
Pissed off

OP posts:
bogeyface · 26/06/2012 20:36

Gordy Where did the OP say she got it sent there?!

She said her address is correct, so it is hardly her fault if they use the old one.

And anyway, how the hell is she to deal with it if her FIL doesnt actually tell her about it, or let her have the mail with a note asking her to sort it out?

Sounds like he just likes having an excuse to bitch about her.

bogeyface · 26/06/2012 20:38

I see, well that is seriously not on. Sounds like your FIL is too fond of being in charge and throwing his weight around.

Was he like this when you were married to his DS by any chance?

Original poster
rotool · 26/06/2012 20:38

thank you Gordy for pointing that out...couldn't say it better myself!!!

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 26/06/2012 20:39

Where did the OP say she got it sent there?

In the OP:

It has his address on it but my name due to having had to live there for 7 weeks three years ago

bogeyface · 26/06/2012 20:41

And if you read further........

My address is up to date but for some unknown reason they still write to me there

RTFT

Original poster
rotool · 26/06/2012 20:42

oops I meant bogeyface ( to thank)

OP posts:
Original poster
rotool · 26/06/2012 20:43

Yes he has always been in control of his wife and his son ( my ex ) who works for him. He as tried to control me for 10 years but not for much longer although leaving is alot harder than I thought.

OP posts:
sashh · 27/06/2012 05:18

Just get the post office to redirect it.

SundaeGirl · 27/06/2012 05:45

Post yourself a fake letter from the GP congratulating you on your pregnancy and confirming your next appointment with the midwife.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 27/06/2012 05:53

I'm training to be a policewoman, mail tampering is actually an extremely serious offence. Federal crime.

I'd dob the old prick in.

marriednotdead · 27/06/2012 06:15

Redirecting the mail is not necessarily going to be straightforward. You need to prove you live(d) at FILs to begin with. This means showing for example a bank statement, council tax bill or 2 utility bills dated in the last 6 months with FILs address on.

BabsJansen · 27/06/2012 06:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hhhhhhh · 27/06/2012 06:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

boaty · 27/06/2012 07:55

It can take some companies years to get the message that someone is not at an address. We are still marking 'return to sender' on post for someone who moved from our address 10 YEARS after he moved!! although very suspicious he was using this address for dodgy reasons after he left

Northernexile · 27/06/2012 08:04

But if they live next door can he not post it through your door? Or can you not just ask him for your post? Seems a bit OTT to be corresponding through solicitors about this if they are literally next door to you. Can you not just have a word and tell him to stop opening your post?

Jux · 27/06/2012 08:19

He's a nosey bastard; he opens the letters (possibly in error) but as soon as he sees it's for you he should put it back in the envelope, write "opened in error" and put it through your door. That's what a normal person would do.

He reads your mail, having opened it, closely enough to list all the companies and contact his solicitor about it. He is doing this quite purposely. I would pay my solicitor to write a strongly worded letter telling him the legal position, threatening him with action, and demanding all mail be returned to you forthwith.

I think the cops wouldn't really be very keen on dealing with this, so I wouldn't involve them - at this stage. Once FIL's petty behaviour is dealt with, he may want to demonstrate his control over you and anger at you another way (I don't mean violence or anything like that, just some other petty and inconvenient thing) so keep the cops in reserve.

Tanith · 27/06/2012 08:46

We've had our mail redirected from our old address for a year - I'd say 60-75% still goes to our old house. It won't solve the problem.
A strongly worded solicitor's letter probably will. I think, with everything else that he's doing, a solicitor's letter is necessary.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 27/06/2012 12:53

No, it really is a federal offence in Australia to tamper with mail. Simple as that.

DeWe · 27/06/2012 13:40

I'm a bit confused as to how you get lots of post when you only lived there 7 weeks 3 years ago.

But getting a lot of other people's post just gets irritating. We bought a house 4 years ago. We do not have the forwarding address. We have been returning to sender probably between 2 and 10 items of post a week.

Mostly there is a return address on the envelope. We have never opened any, but I can tell you a fair number of places that we get 1-2 letters a month from.
Some of those I have ended up contacting by email/letter/phone to ask them to remove the previous occupants address from their database. More than one had the cheek to ask if we wanted to go on instead. Shock
I don't gate why they haven't, in four years, sorted out some of them.

We know the people we moved from, and having done the redirecting and writing to anywhere that sent stuff, in those four years we've had less than 20 letters that they've got. We did tell her that anything obviously junk she could freely bin too, so maybe that would be a start to tell your fil.

Paiviaso · 27/06/2012 13:52

I'm another person who is confused as to why your post is going to PIL.

You lived there 3 years ago. Presumably you contacted the various companies you are involved with and changed your contact details when you moved. Surely in the months after moving out, your PIL would have handed you any post that they received addressed to you, and you would know you had missed these companies. And you would update them. If said company posted again to the wrong address, surely you'd update them again and tell them to get their act together.

How could this still be going on 3 years later? It sounds like this post problem is your own fault, and I don't blame FIL for being well annoyed that after 3 years you still haven't sorted your own bloody post.

ZillionChocolate · 27/06/2012 13:52

The Post Office Act of 1953 has been entirely repealed. It's the Postal Services Act of 2000 which is now in force I think. I don't think you can say that he's opening your post intending to act to your detriment so he hasn't commited an offence. He is being a bit of a twat though.

84 Interfering with the mail: general.(1)A person commits an offence if, without reasonable excuse, he?
(a)intentionally delays or opens a postal packet in the course of its transmission by post, or
(b)intentionally opens a mail-bag.
(2)Subsections (2) to (5) of section 83 apply to subsection (1) above as they apply to subsection (1) of that section.
(3)A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person?s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him.
(4)Subsections (2) and (3) of section 83 (so far as they relate to the opening of postal packets) apply to subsection (3) above as they apply to subsection (1) of that section.
(5)A person who commits an offence under subsection (1) or (3) shall be liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding level 5 on the standard scale or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding six months or to both.

samandi · 27/06/2012 13:59

Am I being unreasonable to ask my Solicitor to write to his complaining that he should not have opend my mail?

Do most people really go to the trouble of hiring a soilcitor for such purposes? Confused Surely it's cheaper to get your mail redirected!