to ask that we get a (short term) cleaner but DH too tight?

[Sleeplesssister]

Have one DD aged 23 months. Currently 37 weeks pregnant and having DC2 by c-section in two weeks time. Last time round when I also had a section it drove me MAD that the house was a complete state for at least 8 weeks afterwards when I could not get up and about to vacuum etc. Sounds silly I know but just added to my general baby blues and feeling like everything was out of kilter (was really quite down after DD).

DH is hoping to take 2 weeks pat leave but will probably have to work from home some of that time and is happy to "live through the dirt", he never normally does housework as I am a SAHM and he works long hours. Want to get a cleaner to help out for a couple of hours a week for the first few months after DH goes back to work. DH earns good money but frankly is a bit tight and so is objecting. He thinks that him not doing the housework is funny. AIBU to either insist on some short term help or, to just do it behind his back? Don't feel that I can ask the MIL to help and my parents live too far away (6 hours)...

I'd insist, if you're sure it can be afforded.

Definitely talk him around. I HATE an upside down home too, though mine usually is that way. I can see how having a newborn and a house that needs cleaning could drive you nuts.

YANBU in my books at all.

Do you have to get DP's permission? Can you just arrange it?

YANBU! Cannot believe your DH is neither offering to help himself (even when on paternity leave?) or agreeing to get a cleaner if you can afford it.

Is there any particular reason you can't ask your MIL? Or could your Mum/parents come to stay for a week to help out? I have v bad SPD which may continue after the birth of DC2. My DS is older and I'm still lining up help - not a cleaner but an occasional mother's help, my own Mum, MIL, and DH (at different times)!

Why don't you make enquiries and cost it out and then give DH the full info? He might think its more expensive than it is even though he is BVU . You'd probably only need 2 or 3 hours a week for 8 weeks or so...about £200?
Ask him what he thinks the job you do is worth. Surely he doesn't value you at only £100 a month?!

I am tempted to just do it behind his back frankly, or just present it as this is what I'm doing, like it or lump it. Oh and we are also hoping to move house about a month after DC2 arrives, which will add to the general chaos. Just want someone to vacuum and clean the bathroom and kitchen to keep me sane...

yanbu.

two choices make him do it if hes on pat leave hes not at work ergo he can be a decent human being and pick up a duster and run the hoover round.

or book one and pay for it out of the child benefit my cleaner cost me £20 a week she comes in does about an hour and a half a week and a bloody good job.

My dh was dad against, I brought it up and time and time again and finally he's admitted that he can't be bothered to argue anymore. Cleaner starts next week:)

If you can afford it, I'd talk him around. I can empathize with you in that having a messy house just makes me feel down and it's amazing what a difference a couple of hours' cleaning can make.

I would ask the MIL, it is her fault that her son is a useless git around the house...

Just do it, it makes complete sense.

Just do it. We did the same, 2 years on she still comes fortnightly.

At 6 weeks old DD was diagnosed with a very rare disorder and needed regular hospital treatment. She also does not sleep well . My cleaner keeps me sane. You never know how things will go, so if you don't have much support it makes sense to plan ahead.

I got a cleaner for the.same reason, DC2 is 2 weeks old, and DH is seeing the point of cleaners now, although he was dead against them originally. My grandmother has given us money to pay for them as a new baby gift, can you ask family to do this?

Just do it. You have masses on your plate right now. The cost is a pittance compared with the cost of moving house!
I had PND with DC1 and can honestly say that a cleaner after DC2 is one of the contributing factors to avoiding it this time round.
Good luck with your new baby to come- lucky you!

Honestly, do it. I'm a SAHM with 2 Pre-school DCs and in spite of childcare, without a cleaner the house would be appalling. There just aren't enough hours in the day! I've even found myself dumping the washing/ironing at the launderette/dry cleaner on occasion as I haven't been able to keep up with that either, especially if the DCs are sick or teething. (I have no help from family either and DH works long hours.)

If you can afford it, do it.

As everybody else has said, just do it. Your DH will probably be converted but until he comes round just view it as legitimate new baby expense like a car seat. You are buying some sanity! If you're not able to make those kinds of financial decisions without him, can you dig out stuff to EBay that might come to a similar amount?

it was a very similar situation , when i pointed out that DH would have to do a lot more to help that it was going to be stressful enough with two and recovering from c section, put your foot down cut back in other areas once the cleaner arrives give it one month and you DH wont ever go back

Get a cleaner. If it were me, I would not be asking his opinion, especially if he is tight. I would just get one.

p.s. He thinks its "funny" that he does zero help around the house whilst his wife struggles. I'm having a sense-of-humour failure here.

My OH insisted I got help when I was pregnant with our fourth. He could see everything was getting on top of me even though I thought things were fine.

It was the best thing we ever did. I knew that at least once a week the house was gleaming and my ironing was up to date. She was just fabulous. She moved on when number four was 18 months old and I just got on with it myself.

Go for it, and tell him it's only for a while. I bet she's still with you in a year. :)

I would just do it. Why some DH's think that being a SAHM is a breeze, let alone when you have newborns in the house, is beyond me. Suppose my hubby is a bit hen pecked but there was no argument when we talked about having a cleaner. And three years on she still comes for a couple hours a week.

I gave the option of him scrubbing toilets and stripping the beds each week or stumping up for the cleaner. It was a no brainer.

If i have ELC we CANT afford it - but will find money for cleaner, was also thinking of asking for contributions to it rather than preseents for hte baby !