to think mil could buy dd1 present for bday

[familyfun]

mil spoils my dds all the time, she visits weekly and 9 times out of 10 brings bags of presents, books, cbeebies magazines, craft sets, teddies, it is endless and we have asked her not to bring so much as it spoils dds but she says why shouldnt she while she can.

last week dd1 had early bday party for classmates, we invited grandparents to watch which they kindly did, mil came and started shouting dd1 from softplay slides with her friends to come over for a bag, she said it was a present so i presumed bday present and said all dds presents were on table but she wasnt opening them till her bday so should i put it on the table for her, no it wasnt a bday present, it was a magazine and teddy just as a gift for dd1 and she expected dd1 to stop enjoying her party and come and take the bag and look at it. dd1 rushed over quickly looked in bag said thanks and carried on playing.

so why wont mil buy dd1 a bday present? some weeks ago when we were ordering dd1 some small presents dp asked mil if she wanted us to order some lego off her for dd1 bday. she said no she was thinking of getting her something else, fine. then last week she said she was going to give me some money to buy her something, but didnt say how much or waht to order, this week she has given me a tenner but will give me a bit more next week when she can, i said thats not necessary but she insists and fil says he will give some too when he can.
so the week before dds bday i have a tenner and have to go shopping when i ordered all presents and wrapped them weeks ago, then a day or 2 before dds bday i am getting more money but dont know ho much and need to shop again, then wrap these things.
eveery other week she can choose toys/books for dds but not for her bday

im ungrateful i know but she drives me mad.
1st xmas she gave her a tenner in the card and moaned that it dropped on floor and dd1 ignored it, she was 6 months old and didnt know what a tenner was.
2nd xmas she bought a bag full of toys round xmas eve all unwrapped with no paper so i sat till midnight wrapping them all as dd enjoyed the unwrapping at 18 months.
3rd xmas i ordered what she wanted as mil asked me to and then waited forever for the money.
4th xmas she gave me the money a few days before xmas and told me to get toys with it, she didnt want it saving as she wanted dd to enjoy it now and she didnt want dd to choose things after as she wanted her to have them at xmas, she didnt understand why i refused to go shopping 2 days before xmas with dd1 andbaby dd2 in tow when id done my own shopping in advance and wrapping while dd1 was at nursery.

long and ranty i know, i should be grateful she buys her things ans visits but why can she buy stuff all year, including boys outfits for dd2 cos she thinks she is a tomboy and clothes too small all the time and craft sets to keep me busy as she loves to say but suddenly is incapable at bday and xmas.

aaaagh

not sure why im hard work?
i do bday shopping in advance, offer to buy something from mil, she says no, she then tells me i will be getting money but must buy a present with it not just give it dd, then she doesnt tell me how much or when, then i get it a few days before bday and am expected to drop plans to go shopping again and wrap her presents.
but the other 50 weeks a year mil goes to shop and buys books/toys/clothes which dd always says thanks for.

Oh for the love of God! just stop moaning and be grateful you have a hands on MIL. Jeez, birthdays arent the be-all-end-all of life.

ok i am obviously being unreasonable.
i will buy and wrap the presents, as usual.

Ask mil to put money into dds account as "she gets overwhelmed by a gift every week". Tell her that you appreciate her kindness and dd will appreciate the money wjen she is older.
With genuine kindness though.
[Smile]

I can understand your frustration!

My MIL rarely buys toys for our DDs. Always clothes. It's a lovely gesture, except the sizes are usually wrong. And accompanied by an explanation of how she knows that they are size X, but that this item (too small) was on sale!

Jesus Christ you sound hard to please! Why this obsession with whether or not stuff is wrapped up? I feel sorry for the poor woman.

I see where you're coming from, OP, and I couldn't help being miffed too. Not angry or ungrateful, just bemused really.

My brother and his wife are not short of a few quid, and are always sending expensive gifts wrapped beautifully, through the post (they live far away) to DD.
However, when it was her bday, there wasn't so much as a card and SIL just said 'oh we thought we'd just get her something next time we're down', which they did and it was a bag of nice Mothercare clothes, but just in the carrier bag, no wrapping. At the age of 2, I think she'd quite like a pretty present to rip the wrapping off, and I was hurt that they didn't feel the sense of occasion of only the second birthday she'd ever had. Children's birthdays are special, a fuss should be made. I'll prob get shot down in flames for saying all that, but it's how I feel.

YANBU - that would drive me crazy. Your MIL is completely over indulging your DD1. Nothing is special, not even special days!!!

Be firm - tell her you can order off the internet if she gets you the MONEY by a certain date. If not, then you will give the money to your DD and she can choose her own present. Do NOT go and buy presents at the last minute. Do NOT wrap them for her. Stop bailing her out. It would be nice for your DD to unwrap presents, but not essential. If it makes the present less special, too damn bad for your MIL. If she doesn't want to buy a gift, then fine. Your DD doesn't get one. But it will reflect badly on her, not on you.

I would also be coming down very firmly about the disparity between gifts for your 2 DDs. It's not fair, and it's just plain mean of her to over the top spoil one and pretty much ignore the other one.

Blimey, why can you not just say NO.

You either go along with the MIL crackers ideas if you are happy to, or you just say NO, i wont be doing that, do it yourself...

You need a back bone OP, or have a word with your DH to sort HIS mother and a gift for HIS child from HIS mother...

This really doesnt seem that complicated tbh, mountain out of molehills and all that...

I understand a bit. My PIL are brilliant with my dc's. They spend hours and hours playing games/doing jigsaws etc with them. They bring them magazines and games which the dc's always love - marvellous.

Then at Christmas and birthdays they go into freeze mode - I get asked what to get them. I say there's loads on the amazon wish list. They want to know exactly what to get. So I narrow it down and say " either of these things would be totally great - you choose the one you like more". But that's still not specific enough. Sometimes they just give dh the money.

I just find it a bit odd but I do appreciate all they do. Its such a shame that they don't trust their own judgement when they get it right with all the little presents they bring.

funny how some people get where im coming from and the rest think im a cow
thats it really, i think bdays are special, thoughtful gifts wrapped up pretty, she is only 4 not a teenager and doesnt understand money.

dp has now told his mother that unless the gifts are reasonably equal for both dds (not bdays) then he wont give them to them as dd2 is getting old enough to notice now and will feel left out.
dp has bought dd a dress and said he will give dd that off his parents and will pick up something when he gets the cake if they give more money.

I totally get where you are coming from, i would be peeved too, i just dont understand why you allow something you clearly are not happy with to continue...

And why is it all to you, why not pass DH the phone and tell him to deal with his mother and let him shop at the last minute.

lol - cross posted :)

im a sahm and dp works so i normally do all present buying, but from now on when mil starts i will hand over to dp.
actually, when she gave dd the knitting thing "to keep me busy" ha ha, i had a quick look in the week, couldnt easily figure it out, so told mil that unless she could help dd then i wouldnt be doing it as i dont knit. mil said she couldnt knit and didnt have the patience so its left undone. i give up.