To be bored of DP constantly going on about "bargains" and "savings" and "reductions" etc??

[Theodopalopodus]

To be fair he's been tight overly cautious with money ever since I've known him but to a ridiculous extent - such as not flushing the toilet to save on the water meter and buying his DC holey, stained clothing from a "closing down" shop for christmas. He CONSTANTLY texts me with stories about how he's saved money here, there and everywhere and it is boring me to tears. Earlier I received a text from him saying he'd spent £20 and bought "loads" of groceries - I don't care! He's like a bloody pensioner running to the reduced ailse at tesco at 7pm at night so that he can get 50p off a battered and bruised product that nobody else wants.
Everytime he comes down to my house he reels off what he's bought recently and how much he'd saved. Anyway earlier, I'd been having a fun text conversation with a friend and he sends me the text about the £20 groceries - I replied "I don't care."
He's now off in a major huff but for fucks sake, I'm 31 years old - there is more to life than bargain hunting and "reduced ailses" surely?? Why can he never talk about anything fun??

Another one laughing out loud at the cake dropping...I so need a laugh too so thanks!

OP, he sounds positively dreadful....do you want to grow old with this man, seriously??

Well, YANBU to find it intensely irritating (I would too), but YABU to try to change him.

The thing is, there's nothing inherently 'wrong' with his behaviour, its just that you don't share it so therefore you are just not right for each other. Attitudes to money run very deep IME and he will be like this forever.

My DSis and her DH are both like this and spend hours bargain hunting together and rejoicing over their 'finds'. Its a source of mutual pleasure for them the fecking weirdos and seems to make them very happy.

Bin him and let the tightwad him find someone more suitable.

Is he really, really skint? If not, what does he do with his spare cash? And you still haven't told us why you're sticking with him when you don't even live together!

Oh god this is me I get really excited by saving money so we can spend it on nicer things and I have it down to a fine art and happily tell everyone my bargains but then its made my friends bargain hunt a bit more one told me a few days ago about her 12 pack of condoms for £1 she was so pleased.

I think he sounds annoying, but not bad- And I think you sound as if you really dislike him. I think the "I don't care" text was mean (you could have said later, face to face, "D'you mind not texting me every time you get a bargain? I know you're great with money, but you don't need to tell me every time you get a few quid off.")
My H and I are both a bit like this (not so extreme) but it's something we do because we have to save money, and there's a definite feelgood factor about getting things cheaper.

I can't abide meanness. That alone would make a relationship out of the question. But I do rather admire people who are good at getting bargains. Although I don't want to keep hearing about their finds. Especially when it'll involve things I wouldn't want for free, let alone reduced. I do know couples who happily shop like pensioners and seem to fill their lives with it and if it suits both of them then fine. It'd drive me demented!

Not that the other side of the coin is any nicer - those people who insist on telling you how much they've spent on things and have the cheek to interrogate you, similarly.

I can't really see why you are together, tbh, OP. He isn't going to change and you are going get ever more resentful.

My Dad used to be like this. He used to buy everything at boot fairs or charity shops (including glasses, spectacles that is). Oh no, he didn't buy underwear but we think that was because no one sells used underwear at boot fairs.

He'd ask you what you wanted for your birthday and when you suggested something he'd get it from the boot fair. And tell you that it only cost him £3.50, which you were supposed to look pleased about. But if you had asked him for cash he'd have given you £30 - he never thought that if he had got something that would have cost £30 in the shops for £3.50 then perhaps he could have got you something else for £26.50, ohhhh no he'd keep that and expect you to be amazed at his cunning. Then wave him off and bin the useless, broken, whatever it was he'd got you.

Yanbu

Do you still manage to shag him?

Am I the only one that finds him funny, I know he would ge on my nerves if he was mine but his sheer joy at finding a sponge cake for 50p is comedy gold........I would say shut up you boring bastard.

YANBU.

Sounds like my mum. To be fair she grew up very very poor and never got out of the mindset of having to count every penny and grab every 'bargain' going.

I would not want to date or marry someone like that though, would drive me crazy.

It's just not a turn on is it

I can't imagine licking a guys nadgers who was like this - and that's my litmus test.

it's not What Would Jesus Do? in my house - it's 'Would I lick a guys nadgers if he did whatever'. It's nearly always NO

at Laurie.

@ Laurie. There's something really awful about having sex with someone really mean. Is it because you think he's measuring out allocated foreplay time and orgasms?

OP, on that note, do you ever owe him one?

My dad's a sucker for a bargain. Problem is, he finds something on offer and buys it, but it's not something that'll get used a lot, or it might be something mum doesn't actually like, etc.

EG a buy 1 get 1 free offer of something that goes off quickly is not a bargain if you can't use up the item before it does go off.

I would be tempted to buy a really expensive cake and burst in with it saying 'this cost an absolute bloody fortune!' and then drop it on the floor.

I've just dribble coffee down my front laughing at that!

I agree that if he doesnt need his "bargains" then actually he is spending more than he needs to. If his normal shopping costs £30 and then he buys food that cost £20 originally and was reduced to £5, on top of his normal shopping, he hasnt saved £15, he has overspent by £5!

Have you tried putting it to him like that OP?

Meanness is the cardinal sin for me, in any relationship or friendship. Can't abide it. I wouldn't have stuck your dp for 2 days, op, good luck to you.

The thing is he is never going to spoil you is he? You will never be whisked off to Paris to be wined and dined and showered in gifts (unless he gets a half price croissant!). My dh is yet to do this but he does buy me lovely presents sometimes.

No, the only gifts I EVER get are reduced items - half dead flowers, reduced chocolates etc. And of course he has to make a huge song and dance about the fact that my "present" was reduced. I'd actually prefer not to know sometimes. Just sometimes it would be nice to know I'm worth full price, you know?

A fool and their money are soon parted.

You'd soon be whining on if he drank/smoke/ did drugs/spunked the mortgage money on a 100/1 outsider etc etc although tightness is also irritating.

You clearly have different life expectations so it's time to move on

Oh poor OP lol! He really is a tool who knows nothing about women if he brags that his gift was half price

Cripes, my dh and I go through stages of that - it's almost a bonding thing with us. BUT it always has a purpose - we're going through a skint phase, or saving up for something. At these times we get a pathetic sense of teamwork out of slaying a good haul of cheapies.

It sounds like your chap is doing it for its own sake, though, which is different. And skimping on gifts for others is downright rude, if you could afford something decent. One of the reasons we scrimp is so that we can buy proper gifts for people when times are lean.

Well yes Jumping because that is the other extreme! I am sure that the OP isnt saying she wants him to do that either, there is a happy medium you know

dexter73

"No, the only gifts I EVER get are reduced items - ... Just sometimes it would be nice to know I'm worth full price, you know?"
And there is the nub of it. I absolutely agree.