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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want a weekend away with my friends....

26 replies

freddiefrog · 26/06/2012 09:37

and not my DH and kids?

Some friends and I are planning on going to a music festival in September. It's been on the cards for a while and I initially spoke to DH about it when the line up was announced several months ago and he was fine about it, and had no desire or interest in going himself.

He's now changed his mind, wants to go too and take the kids.

Tickets aren't cheap - my mum's paying for mine as a birthday present, but we can't really afford the extra £££ for ticket (and food/drink/etc) for DH & kids

One of my friends lives locally to the festival so we're planning on crashing there each night and walk up to the site every day. If DH and the kids come we won't be able to so we'll have to camp (hell on earth) or stay elsewhere which will be expensive

The festival is on when the kids are back at school and runs from Thurs - Mon, so we'll have to miss half of it and leave early on the Sunday night to get them home ready for school on Monday

But the big thing is, I really, really want to go on my own, with my friends. I'm fed up with always being the responsible one, and as much as I love my kids, I'd like a few days away to get pissed, eat crap, let my hair down, behave irresponsibly, not have to worry about the kids being tired/bored/cold/wet/wind blowing in the wrong direction/whatever and roll home at 2am.

Me going won't affect our annual summer family holiday or anything, the kids won't really be missing out on anything, and we've got plenty planned for them over the school holidays.

DH has been on plenty of stag weekends/boys nights out, etc over the years. My eldest daughter is nearly 11 and apart from the odd night out or whatever over the years, this is the first time I can go away for any length of time and not have to worry about the kids

So, am I being incredibly selfish and unreasonable?

OP posts:

fruitysummer · 26/06/2012 09:41

No you are not, but your DH is not to realise you want some girly time.

junkcollector · 26/06/2012 09:41

YANBU at all! That's very annoying of him. If it was just him then fine but he wants to change it into a family thing when you just fancy some fun time with your friends.

Just tell him that you fancy a weekend with your friends and that if he wants to come too that's fine, but he has to find a babysitter for the DCs.

Cluffyfunt · 26/06/2012 09:42

No yanbu.

Have you told your DH how you fell about it?

nosleepwithworry · 26/06/2012 09:42

NO! Not Bu and not being selfish!

Sit DH down, explain to him its a birthday present and that school is an issue.
Suggest days out for him and the kids while you are away, but just tell him its not practical...how will he react?

Fairs fair, stag weekends and boys nights out...its your turn for once!

Put your foot down with a firm hand girl....good luck.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 26/06/2012 09:45

No, YANBU. Tell your dh that you want some grown up girlie time with your friends like he has had when he goes on stag nights.

Original poster

freddiefrog · 26/06/2012 09:45

Thank you!

We have had words.

He thinks the kids would love it and have a blast (they probably would, it's quite a family friendly festival and we've been before with the kids), so I'm feeling very selfish by saying "actually, no, I don't want you lot there"

OP posts:

catsmother · 26/06/2012 09:49

Well in that case, maybe you can all go as a family next year !

The fact the "family friendly" element of this didn't immediately occur to him when you first suggested it makes me think that either a) he doesn't want to "babysit" - poor diddums, or b) depsite the fact he's been "let off the leash" many times before doesn't see why you should enjoy the same consideration and freedom. Maybe he's just being petulant, or maybe he doesn't trust you so feels the need to play gooseberry.

Whatever the reason he's being damn selfish and is effectively emotionally blackmailing you by making out this is all about the kids.

junkcollector · 26/06/2012 09:50

It's beside the point whether the kids would love it. I'm sure they would but this weekend isn't about them, it's about you. It's not selfish, it's self preserving and that's very important for happy family life in my opinion. YANBU for wanting to go on your own. Really you're not.

manicbmc · 26/06/2012 10:27

Next stag weekend, suggest you all go and see how he likes that idea. Stick to your guns OP!

fuzzywuzzy · 26/06/2012 10:30

Can't you just tell him no it's an all girlfriends thing now?

Any reason why you cant sit down and just tell him nicely?

AThingInYourLife · 26/06/2012 10:31

YANBU

You have made a plan and he's trying to bollocks it up for you by imposing a different plan.

If he wants to take the kids to the festival alone, then that's up to him.

But you have plans that weekend, so won't be free to go with them.

SilverSixpence · 26/06/2012 10:32

I went on a weekend away with my sisters and friends a few weeks ago, without DH and DS. It was amazing, so relaxing to just be able to chat and not worry about anyone else. YABU.

SilverSixpence · 26/06/2012 10:32

I mean YANBU!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/06/2012 10:34

YANBU.

Just say that you will be staying with your friends, if he wants to take the kids then that is up to him.

Original poster

freddiefrog · 26/06/2012 10:51

Thanks

I did try being nice, but I think he's taken offence a little bit.

I just want 4 days off from being "mum". I want to drink until I'm sick if the fancy takes me, I want to stay out until 2, 3, 4, or even 5am if the fancy takes me, I want to dance like a dick, listen to loud music, wear silly fancy dress, and generally behave very irresponsibly and have some child-free fun!

However, the "mum" part of me thinks that the kids would love it and have a ball, and I don't really need to drink/vomit/stay up late/etc so maybe I am being a bit selfish by not taking them

OP posts:

manicbmc · 26/06/2012 10:54

Ignore the mum part! Your dh gets to go away with his mates so it's only fair you get to as well.

Your kids might well enjoy it but that doesn't mean they have to go. Put the onus on your dh to entertain them while you're away.

AThingInYourLife · 26/06/2012 10:57

"I don't really need to drink/vomit/stay up late/etc"

It really sounds like you do :)

Plus, you have made a plan with your friends.

It would be shit to ditch them just because your husband doesn't fancy a weekend on his own with the kids.

exexpat · 26/06/2012 11:00

YANBU. I'm going to a festival just with DS again this year (he'll be 14 by then), leaving 9yo DD with my parents. There are loads of things at the festival that DD would enjoy, but I would have to be with her the whole time, and couldn't do the late-nights in the very sweary comedy tent, or being right down the front for my favourite bands. DS is old enough to be into all that, but if he wasn't, I'd either do it by myself or with friends.

It's just a completely different experience with younger children, and if your DH goes off and does weekends with his friends, then it is completely fair for you to have a weekend with your friends - the fact that it's at an event it would be possible for children to go to is beside the point.

wellhellodolly · 26/06/2012 11:04

Can I come too?

Sandalwood · 26/06/2012 11:49

Yes. Am I being unreasonable to want a weekend away with your friends too?

RubyFakeNails · 26/06/2012 11:54

If you can't really afford it for you all to go then why don't you and DH agree that you can go this time, see how it is and if you think the DC will really like it then you can save up to get the tickets for next year.

Go away by yourself, you deserve it. I do it at least annually and it is wonderful. Would your DH have liked to have taken you and the kids on the stag weekends etc? Did he enjoy that time away? If he did you are entitled to the same.

HeadfirstForHalos · 26/06/2012 11:55

Tell him if he wants to go, then fine, you can't stop him. But also tell him you will not be looking after the children and you will be staying with your friend. If he realises he will still have the responsibility of the dc at a festival he may change his mind!

GnocchiNineDoors · 26/06/2012 11:57

By all means take the kids next year, but you are NOT bu by wanting to go with your friends.

Maybe ask dh how he would feel if you and the dcs wanted to crash one of his weekends away.

lollilou · 26/06/2012 12:02

YANBU at all. It sounds like the Festival I'm going to, on an Island by any chance?
My dh and I are not taking the kids either we want time to do the same as you, drink,watch bands and wander around hand and hand with each other without the constant checking on the kids.
Go by yourself have a fabulous time and maybe I'll see you there!

Pandemoniaa · 26/06/2012 12:20

and I don't really need to drink/vomit/stay up late/etc

Actually, you do. We all do on occasions and being a parent doesn't mean you can't, or shouldn't take the chance to just be yourself every now and again. I wouldn't call it selfishness, I'd call it therapeutic.

So YA definitely NBU. Especially if your DH expects to go off on his trips with mates without the rest of the family. Ask him to consider how reasonably he'd consider a request to take you and the dcs with him next time. I'm willing to bet that this "would be different". But it isn't. So keep to the earlier, agreed arrangements and have a brilliant time.

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