To wonder if I am doing it wrong?

[CarpeBibendum]

Btw I don't think I am but sometimes I do wonder..

DS is 13 mo and is hard work to say the least. Never slept well, reflux and multiple food intolerances, still breastfed to sleep and teeths almost constantly during which he is very clingy, wants to be picked up all the time and co-sleeps. Meets every definition of a high needs baby.

When not teething (for about one week in every eight), he settles easily in his cot and only wakes for one feed a night. But he is very bright (I know but he really is!), a very early walker and talker and a joy to be around (during the day).

We are seeing the inlaws this week and he has a couple of cousins a few months older than him and a couple two years older.

The problem is that no-one says anything but the looks and the implications seem to be that none of the others have been difficult children therefore we (ie I) are clearly doing it wrong and have made multiple rods for our own backs by continuing to indulge him.

I get the impression that the food intolerances are seen as being precious and that the fact that he doesn't sleep well is down to me not coping rather than him being a monumentally bad sleeper. There are also raised eyebrows and glances away for my continuing to breastfeed on demand as he 'should' be eating properly by now like the others.

So am I being paranoid or am I doing it wrong and clearly over dramatising things as raising a single child can't possibly be that hard?

People who have "been there done that" are often inclined to make light of any difficulties they had, and make much of the ones other people are having. Either that or if you have a spot, they have an absess, and if you sneeze they have the plague
Just smile sweetly and let it all wash over you in a warm wave of shit and forget it. No matter what they say just murmur "oh really? do tell" or "you are so right" (practise your sincerity on this one) or even just "mmm" and carry on as you were. Then come home serenely and forget all about it.

You are almost certainly not doing it wrong, you are doing the exact opposite by responding to your baby's individual needs.

I had a high needs baby, he is now a lovely (and very intelligent) pre teen. It does get better. Remember that your confirmation that you are doing a good job doesn't come from other people, it will only ever come from your son. And as he is too young to tell you right now, you have to put extra faith in yourself on his behalf. No one knows your baby like you do, so no one else has the right to judge.

It sounds to me like you are doing a great job :)

And FWIW, my ILs also made out that I was doing something wrong, and that SIL was a far better Mum than me. Now, 5 years later, she can't 'cope' with her son because of his demanding and spoiled behaviour. He spends most weekends and holidays with her husbands family. My sons on the other hand are a delight to be around.

Carpe - I'm sure you're doing mostly right and a little bit wrong - like all of us!

My DD was an 'easy' baby - slept through early, ate everything, milestones perfect. I was so smug that I want to slap my old self!
My DS wanted to co-sleep (I didn't! But ended up doing it so we'd rescue some kind of sleep) had food allergies that made weaning a nightmare and was/is generally more clingy and high maintenance.

He is now a lovely (mostly!) still demanding little guy. Some parents have it easier than others. Try and see if there is anything you can do if his habits are upsetting you (hang everyone else, if you're happy with how things are, that's fine!) and otherwise just realise that all babies are different and some are not as 'easy' as others, but that's ok.

HTH.

You'll always get judged for breatfeeding over 6 bloody weeks let alone 13 months.

I'd carry on as you are. My lovely little nearly 3 yr old is so far away from the breast fed clingy 1 yr old.
I miss it so enjoy it and ignore!
Time flies - do what you want to make him secure and happy and sod everyone else.
But at 8-12 months I'd had enough and needed to encourage proper food. Realise this must be pretty tricky if food intolerances are there. have no experience of this.
Had two 'bad sleepers'. They are both now what I would call totally normal sleepers who wake now and again. (thought it was normal while they were small too!)

My 3rd child co slept (ony way to get any sleep ) and woke for milk a million times a night. When I weaned him at 15 months he all of a sudden slept right through in his cot, even lying down awake and playing with his teddy until he fell asleep, this is the baby who wouldn't sleep anywhere but our bed and you had to feed him to sleep!!!
My dd unt
She was about 2.5 wouldn't go to sleep unless you were lying cuddling her, otherwise would scream for hours and hours but now goes to bed lovely
On the other hand my eldest was lovely at going to bed and sleep, no problems at all with sleep.
Just do what you feel is right and it wi all fall into place later

Your child is lucky to have a mother who listens to his needs. Ignore all the looks as its not helpful- when your lo can talk you change things as at last he can begin to express his needs. My Fsmily and friends didn't like me breastfeeding after 6 months! Ignore them, change the subject, smile:)

Thanks everyone for your lovely words, I feel so much better!

I do believe that we are doing what DS needs as he isn't ready to stop breastfeeding yet and although very confident re playing with other children etc, needs lots of picking up and cuddles.

I just start to dread the visits knowing I will get the 'looks'.

I guess I feel that you can't really understand how hard a high needs baby can be unless you have one and how operating day to day through a fog of sleep deprivation deprioritises things like 'thankyou' cards, when every spare moment I have to myself is generally spent desperately catching up on either housework or sleep.

I will head over to the high needs thread where I can whinge some more!

I got the looks from the in laws too, my SIL is a very relaxed parent. I am a control freak. My kids went to bed at 7 and had proper naps etc, I discipline them properly and they always seemed to think I was far too hard on the kids. Mine are 5, 3 and nearly 1, SILs are 7, 5 and 2 and they are all little brats. PIL now congratulate me on how well mannered and delightful mine are.
I know I didn't have such clingy babies as yours but my routine etc did mean a lot more dedication! Keep doing what feels right to you.