to not expect to have to justify why i dont want to go to work 'do'?

[ClaireDB]

My old team leader is leaving and a new guy is taking over, but not for 2 months. Today the new guy pulled the whole team aside after a meeting (5 of us) and said he wants to arrange a night down the pub for the team to 'get to know each other' (we've already all worked together for ages) and wanted to have it soon, in the next couple of weeks.

I usually get in early and leave early to see my dd so I said I'm not really up for an evening do and he asked me why in front of the team. I felt it was unfair that he asked me to justify why I wanted to go on time.

AIBU?

cut him some slack, he sounds like he's just trying to get to know everyone. if he doesn't have kids, he might not understand why it can be very difficult to go out after work, or why you may not want to.

if you can make arrangements so you can pop along for one drink/half hour, it would be a nice gesture. if it's really impossible then go and find him when he's not around everyone else and explain why it's not possible.

i think you might be being a little U.

tell him firmly you have family commitments and stick to it. if it goes against you in the workplace, look elsewhere for work. he isn't entitled to your free time.

YANBU. You are paid to work, not socialise out of working hours. You should not need to justify yourself.

Say you don't have childcare and leave it at that - can you all do a lunch thing as well?

YANBU

I had a boss like this once, and once he even made us have our pictures taken holding wads of cash (target based sales). I refused both

I felt it was unfair that he asked me to justify why I wanted to go on time.

He only asked a civil question though to be fair.

I don't think YABU and I don't think you should have to give any explanation to anyone, including your team leader. Just simply say you are not going and that's the end of it. Some people don't enjoy going to the pub in any case. Your free time is your own, you are paid for your working hours and nothing more. Why should he feel entitled to your free time or even an explaination of what you want to do in your own time? Unless he wants you to do overtime, give you the necessary notice and then pay you for it! I think not though!

I had this 20 years ago. The new guy even complained to my boss that I lacked team spirit. I explained that I did have team spirit and after working hours my team was my babies and my husband.
Few years later I got apologies from a lot of people as they went on to have children themselves and they realised that they just hadn't understood.

I guess he doesn't have kids, so hasn't thought about that properly? He's not unreasonable though particularly. Just lacking thought. I would have been up for it pre children. Why not suggest a lunch time do instead?

YAB slightly U. Our lives don't begin and end with children and it's only one night. I'm quite a sociable person and I think socialising outside of work can make work more enjoyable. it's your call though.

I think YABU.
He asked why, because he didn't know why you weren't going.
It might be you objected to pubs / alcohol, and if you told him that he might have said 'well, lets go for a pizza instead'.
It might have been that you weren't able to get home afterwards, at which point he might have been able to say 'I'll drop you back'
It might have been that you couldn't do straight after work, but would be happy to go home and perhaps meet up later in the evening / or vice versa

If he doesn't know why you don't want to go for a 'get to know you drink' with his (and colleagues) then it sounds like he'd like to find out so he can perhaps accommodate you. The point is, he doesn't yet know his new colleagues, and just felt this would be a nice way to do it. It's not that strange a request / invitation.

I just think you might need a better answer - I always say.

"I'm not available after working hours due to outside responsibilities".

I emphasise the 'not available' firmly. It also leaves it open to interpretation - could be children/elderly family/another job etc.

The day a group of 12 of us started work 6 years ago, one lady stated quite loudly (after approx 1 hour of meeting) "I'm sorry girls, I have enough friends. I do NOT socialize with work colleagues".

She is still known as the one that won't mix