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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move him all over again (school related)

31 replies

Feminine · 25/06/2012 12:47

To cut a VERY long story short I'll be quick er :)

We recently came back to the UK after living in the US for 7 years, we are getting ourselves back on our feet after a very trying time for all the family.

DS8 is starting to settle in the local village school , they are working with him(holding him back) as he has missed massive chunks of YR3/4 as they start later in the US and he has an August Birthday!

The problem is we can't find anything to rent in this village and our time at my parents is coming to an end Wink
There seem to be quite a few properties in the nearest town (where my DH works) and my eldest goes to school but I'd have to drive DS8 and his little sister to school every day. I'm not happy about that, the distance is only a couple of miles but I don't want to not be able to walk there at all

I really don't think its fair to move DS again though, its been a massive culture shock for him already; his teachers have told me he is starting to withdraw a bit from lessons/class activities. I suspect he is nervous about being moved again?

We came back in March...so still very early days.

OP posts:
lizlemonhead · 25/06/2012 12:53

I think you should just do the drive. sorry :0) I moved schools alot and it is very stressful.
Unless he says he doesn't mind moving schools again?

sesameflower · 25/06/2012 12:54

too disruptive to make him start again. English vs American education system is a massive culture shock. What would he like to do?

lizlemonhead · 25/06/2012 12:54

2 miles is not much - could you cycle or is it too busy a road?

Original poster
Feminine · 25/06/2012 12:56

Apparently he is happy to change schools again Confused but I think its just bravado. I'll get on with the drive if its better, I think changing schools is stressful too!

I'm concerned he won't get the help he is receiving at another school ie being held back to help him catch up.

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 25/06/2012 12:57

I would keep him in the school, and just take the driving on the chin, at least for another year or so. By that time you might have decided that you really are going to move to the town and stay there, or a property might come up in the village. But until you have your roots down in one place or the other, I'd go with school continuity.

Vicky2011 · 25/06/2012 12:57

Drive. Definitely.

Original poster
Feminine · 25/06/2012 12:58

Its not possible to cycle...its just too rural for that....plus I'm crap on a bike Blush

But...actually its 4 miles ...I don't know where I got the 2 from -sorry!

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 25/06/2012 12:59

Thanks for your responses ...its helping me solidify my thoughts!

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 25/06/2012 13:00

Oh, and DD had a girl join her class from US. By the end of a full school year, she was indistinguishable from the others in the class (according to what her mother told me) despite having arrived at a much lower level in some areas. Another reason to drive for another year and then decide?

Original poster
Feminine · 25/06/2012 13:02

Thanks Edith.

In some areas there is no difference educationally, in others its massive (imo)

I am just grateful they are wise to holding him back a year. Its making him just 6 days older in his class that a whole year+ behind.

OP posts:
NarkedRaspberry · 25/06/2012 13:03

If you can afford it, get him a tutor over the summer. One to one he'll catch up faster.

Blu · 25/06/2012 13:08

If he is happy and settled in the class, and you are confident that the school are supporting him well, then I would keep him at the school. Maybe he is sad that he won't be in the same class as new friends next year? Could light-moderate tutoring (by you or a tutor) over the summer help?

squeakytoy · 25/06/2012 13:11

It is only a short drive, so I do think it would be unfair and unwise to disrupt him again so quickly.

iseenodust · 25/06/2012 13:12

Leave him where he is for now. Sounds like you've found a school that is a good fit. You might be grateful to have grandparents close by for the odd after school tea Wink

teta · 25/06/2012 13:27

Some of my dc's were educated in the american system overseas.When we returned 3 of them were behind.My eldest[then 10] was forecast 4c in her sats.She hadn't covered the English syllabus.Sher ended up [with extra tuition] at a 5c and has continued improving to being predicted a row of A's and A*'s[at 13].My middle ones missed the first year of school[and knew no phonics].My dd progressed very quickly to near the top and my ds has continued languishing at the bottom[a late July birthday].He has only just started improving [as i think a lot of boys do,much later than girls].The school would have thought very carefully about this decision.If you really trust the school and the teaching is good please do keep him there in spite of the difficulties.I echo the idea of extra tuition.It really has made a difference in my childrens case.Good luck.

Almostfifty · 25/06/2012 13:32

There's no rush to move him this year is there? I'd keep an open mind. Have a look at the schools in the nearby town in case you decide it's too much. Once you've moved you might find he makes pals with children in the nearer schools and could be happy to change if he's got friends there.

Original poster
Feminine · 25/06/2012 13:35

Thanks again all.

Your advise is very helpful.

DH is undecided too, but I'll share what I've learnt today with him later.

OP posts:
Jenny70 · 25/06/2012 13:40

I would consider moving him... to my mind playdates with current school friends will be minimal - most people find distance a real issue, even if you are doing the driving.

The new village school kids will all be local (one assumes), and for my children a regular social network is key to happiness in school - not which math or reading group they are in.

I'm sure the new school will be supportive of his learning level, and although the actual changeover will be tough I would think it's a better solution.

Original poster
Feminine · 25/06/2012 13:43

jenny the area we are thinking about is still considered 'local' its just that its so rural here.

Its the next nearest town, the closest shopping area :)

Thanks though, I see/take your point. :)

OP posts:
AdventuresWithVoles · 25/06/2012 13:44

I would change him, everything is still chop and change as far as he's concerned, now is good, by end of summer he won't remember half his current teachers-school mates, anyway. Get as much comments-opinions out of current teachers as possible to help new teachers get to know him quickly.

TheRhubarb · 25/06/2012 13:52

Holding a child back can be useful though. When we came back from France, dd was in Year 2 and couldn't read. She struggled with the reading books for her age group and it really frustrated her, so they moved her down a couple of levels and started with basic books. At first I was cross that they weren't challenging her but being able to read these books was a huge triumph for her and her confidence just came on in leaps and bounds. She's now top of the class for reading.

So putting him back might be their way of focusing on what he CAN do and getting his confidence going before they start to challenge him a little.

If you are concerned, do talk to the school about their plans so that you can encourage him at home too.

And I second not moving him. I moved ds when he was in Year 3 to a nearer school so that I didn't have to drive. He suffered enormously and still misses his friends. I regret that decision now.

financialwizard · 25/06/2012 14:06

I actually think that this is a really hard decision.

Maybe you should speak to the other school to guage how they would help your child integrate socially and educationally. I also think that a home tutor may be a good idea. Sometimes going back to basics does bring you on leaps and bounds because everything subsequent to that suddenly makes sense.

Good luck with your decision.

Original poster
Feminine · 25/06/2012 14:39

Thanks for the latest input :)

I was very happy that the school even considered holding him back, as I know its not the norm in the UK.

Its the combination of his August birthday and the different systems that makes for this unique situation.

OP posts:
PropositionJoe · 25/06/2012 14:45

The current school sounds fab, I wouldn't move him

tyler80 · 25/06/2012 14:54

would a new school agree to keeping him back a year?

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