Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit miffed with my in laws?

23 replies

PrettyPrinceofParties · 25/06/2012 09:04

DS turned 1 last month. The week of his birthday mil rang to say they were on holiday, but had looked at 2 toys online and would we like either of them they were both similar to thing DS had already so dh said he'd get back to them with our choice.

Dh contacted them about a week later saying we found something we liked. They contacted us yesterday to say that as it is a large item the store don't offer delivery so they had bought it second hand off eBay and with delivery it cost the same.

Now normally I have no problem with second hand items, but I feel a bit upset that this is DS first birthday present. And it's a month late. They have other grandchildren and I just feel hat they take up more of their time so there's no time left for my DS.

I shop at car boots and charity shops myself, but would not give these items as a gift. I also feel like his birthday was a bit of an afterthought as they were on holiday so there was no way he'd get his pressie on time. I know he's too young to know what's going on, but having grown up with grandparents who favoured me least out of all their gc, I don't want my lovely son to feel that way.

They live quite a distance from us so we don't see them very often, 5 times since the birth of my son but they see their other gc weekly, even though they live miles away too, but actually not that far from us.

So am I being reasonable or am I an ungrateful cow to feel a bit sad about this?

OP posts:
curiositykitten · 25/06/2012 09:06

You are being ungrateful. Your DS doesn't care how much the gift cost or how many owners it's had before him.

You are also BU to take a week to call them back to let them know about a gift, then moan that it was late!

NeverCleverLand · 25/06/2012 09:06

I wouldn't be annoyed about the second hand gift, but it being late is a bit inconsiderate.

MissRepresentation · 25/06/2012 09:09

yabu. And really ungrateful. They offered you a choice of two things, then you waited a week to say actually we want this big thing. Which they got for you, but you want it shiny and new.
And it was your own fault it was late, too.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 25/06/2012 09:11

If they contacted you in the week of his birthday about two brand new toys that they could have delivered on time for his birthday but your DH then took a week to get back to them, then it was your DH's fault the present was late anyway because that would have been after your DS's birthday anyway.

And since you didn't want either of the toys they suggested and for whatever reason they couldn't get the one you did want delivered brand new, I think they did the best they could.

It's a shame you feel your son is being overlooked in favour of the other children in the family but I think that's the issue you need to worry about and find a solution to, rather than focus on the present and where it came from.

GrahamTribe · 25/06/2012 09:11

What Miss said.

Treblesallround · 25/06/2012 09:12

Maybe the parents of the other grandchildren are a little more gracious than you?

PrettyPrinceofParties · 25/06/2012 09:16

It's would have been late anyway as they rang about 2 days before his birthday and they were on holiday. It's not about money either. My mil is normally very good and knits things for my son, which I am very grateful for.

I just get the impression that the other grandchildren wouldn't have got second hand birthday gifts but it's ok for my son. Also, had they asked us, we have been happy to go to the store and buy the item.

It's more the favouring the other gc I feel upset about, but this just seemed lie another example of it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/06/2012 09:18

It sounds to me as though you're projecting.

Remember the child's only 1

PrettyPrinceofParties · 25/06/2012 09:24

Yes, you're probably right Worra. But I still remember being very hurt by how I was treated as a child and the situation is very similar. I would hate for them to behave like this when my son is old enough to understand.

Perhaps a better example is mil came to visit me and see my son, for the 3rd time when he was 7 months old. FIL didn't come as he was 'sick of children'! But he'd only seen my son twice since birth at this point.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 25/06/2012 09:30

Your ds doesn't actually care does he?
You took a week to get back to them,he could have a shiny new toy but you didn't want it,they got the nearest thing & got it delivered.
I think you are thinking more about your own relationship with gps growing up. They have seen him 5 times,ok,that's not a huge amount but it's every couple of months. If they live quite far,maybe the drive is quite a hassle.
Thank them for the gift & let it go Brew

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/06/2012 09:36

At the age he is he really will not know!

I think setting up children to take offense at a late present is maybe a bit like rod for your own back, TBH. I had a lovely godmother who consistently sent me presents late - usually up to a month late - and I thought it was very exciting because it was like a special extra after my birthday. And loads of families I know have a 'phonecall on the day, present when I see you' rule which works well.

You and your DH will always be able to give your DS his big presents on the day, so does it really matter if other people don't?

Paiviaso · 25/06/2012 09:38

They got the item second hand because they couldn't get it first hand. They wanted to get you what you wanted.

There is nothing to be upset about here, so I suspect there are underlying issues making you read more into this than you should.

PrettyPrinceofParties · 25/06/2012 09:46

Yes you are probably all right. I'm honestly not ungrateful. I think they left it late, but dh is equally to blame on that front.

As for setting my son up to be offended, I'm not going to do that either. That's why I'm venting here! Ultimately I think they're the ones missing out as my son is very easy going, but the other gc are much harder work (mil's observation) but sadly my son doesn't really know them so they don't get the best of him.

I think I'm just being an over protective mummy, but of course I will be grateful and thank them for the present.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/06/2012 09:53

Ah, fair enough, vent away. Smile

Icelollycraving · 25/06/2012 09:57

Ah,we are all protective of our dc. Vent away.... I've got biscuits somewhere...

PrettyPrinceofParties · 25/06/2012 10:04

Thanks guys.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 25/06/2012 10:08

Are your parents around op?

I ask because my ex's parents were blatantly much more 'into' their other GCs than my DDs, but thankfully my parents more than made up for it. My DDs neither noticed nor cared about how much more time and interest their GPs on that side showed to their other GCs.

As you say they are the ones missing out if it is the case that they are favoring one GC over another. Rise above it :)

DeWe · 25/06/2012 10:11

I still get my dc second hand things as a present. The oldest is 11yo. She started noticing when things were second hand about age 8yo, so I pointed out that they were then cheaper so she could have more/better things. She was perfectly happy with that, even now she actually likes seeing something is second hand as she knows she gets more iyswim. Dd2 (age 8yo) hasn't noticed a second hand present yet.

Pandemoniaa · 25/06/2012 10:40

Don't over think this and certainly, don't project your experiences onto this situation. Otherwise you'll damage any relationship your ds is likely to have with his gps and that's not really fair, is it?

Second hand presents are not necessarily second rate and tbh, a 1 year old will know no different. Especially as he has got the gift that you asked for.

Cantthinkofagoodname · 25/06/2012 11:27

My mil gave DD a packet of seeds for her second birthday! DD has no other gps so it was a bit upsetting for me but DD didn't even notice.

Second hand toys wouldn't bother me at all- its cheaper and more environmentally friendly for a start.

VonHerrBurton · 25/06/2012 12:09

You took a week to call them back, no?
YABVU.

Jesus, if this is the only problem you have with your IL's, I urge you to get down and kiss their feet. You have no idea how weird/rude/mean some IL's can be. Ditto the other way round though. They are probably feeling the vibes that you are pissed off and wondering what they have done wrong.

The kid is ONE YEAR OLD!! He has no idea! Sorry, but I wish you had my IL's - even just for a week...

PrettyPrinceofParties · 25/06/2012 12:38

VonHerr there are no vibes between us. For the record, I think my mil is fab most of the time. I don't know why I felt bothered by it, but I just was. I'm getting over it now though. I'm not ungrateful. I think it's just that it was his first ever birthday, I'd hoped for a bit more of a fuss. Especially as they see the other gc weekly.

Incidentially, there's a book I'd like for my birthday, which I would actually suggest to them to get second hand off eBay rather than amazon as it's cheaper (hardback so quite new). I expect that just makes me a hypercrit.

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 25/06/2012 12:42

It sounds like they really wanted him to get the gift on time, otherwise why phone from holiday?
They could have had one of those items delivered right to you.
You chose the item that couldn't be delivered and told them a week later.
Don't stew about this.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page