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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be hurt and angry with DH for telling me he hates his pajamas?

16 replies

fatandhateful · 25/06/2012 02:53

In the course of a row (I think he was trying to derail the actual row because he knew he was in the wrong there!), DH has told me that the presents I have given him over the course of our marriage have been unsatisfactory and are deeply revealing of my dislike of him. He cited two examples in particular. Exhibit One: the pajamas I bought him, 'from' one-year-old DD, for Father's Day last year. Apparently these are a thinly veiled insult, indicating that I do not want to look at or touch him, but want him covered up in bed. Never mind that he has always worn pajamas, that these were carefully chosen in his preferred style and materials, or that they were intended to be a gift from a baby for a daddy, not a sexy gift from his wife. Exhibit Two: the massage chair which was one of several gifts I gave him for Christmas two years ago. Not because he suffers from an aching back and I wanted to give him something that might help which he wouldn't buy for himself, but apparently because I can't be bothered to give him a back rub myself (he went on to say that when I do give him back rubs, they are no good). As for the gifts he gives me, I further fail because I don't even wear the fancy underwear he gave me a couple of years ago. I pointed out that I did wear it a couple of times, then was pregnant for nine months, and that the pretty underwear is now in a box with all the other pretty sexy things that do not fit on my post-pregnancy, nursing mother, body.

So....I am fat and my presents are shit.

FWIW, the actual row was pretty much about how our relationship is suffering because he makes no time for us to be alone together or prioritise the relationship. Obviously our sex life is not all it used to be.

OP posts:
LurkingAndLearningForNow · 25/06/2012 03:10

He sounds like a bully. you are definitely NOT being unreasonable! If your relationship is stressed at the moment and he talks to you this way, as if you'd bloody WANT sex!

OhNoMyFanjo · 25/06/2012 03:10

Right, firstly I'm not sure your name is helping, I know it's probably a reflection of how you are feeling but it's only going to make you feel worse.

Secondly, either he had a really shit argument and came up with these random ramblings or it's what he's thoughts for the last 2 years. Either way way they are a pretty shit way to talk about gifts. Does he really feel that way?

Apart from this how do you feel about tge original argument?

izzyizin · 25/06/2012 04:03

He wears jammies? In the summer?

WTF are you doing with this wuss, honey. Leave the bastard and change your mumsnet moniker to 'wellrid' Grin

HecateAdonaea · 25/06/2012 06:42

attack is the best form of defence.

He was in the wrong, so he went after you like a rabid dog, trying to inflict as much hurt as possible.

He behaved like a total arse.

Put that together with the fact that he doesn't want to spend time with you, doesn't seem to care and the sex is shit and you have a relationship in crisis.

Rather than try to fix that - he tries to hurt and upset you.

I wonder if it can be saved if only one of you is trying.

ErikNorseman · 25/06/2012 06:47

What a nasty specimen.

conorsrockers · 25/06/2012 06:49

How old is he? 5?
Early post baby relationships are (nearly) always tricky - I am yet to meet someone whose relationship didn't suffer in the first couple of years after the birth - but this sounds a bit immature. Is he jealous of the baby? Was he always like this?
I'm afraid I would laugh like a drain if my DH came out with anything like that - but then he did buy me a weed puller for my birthday Hmm.
He does sound a bit of a bully tbh.

Flatbread · 25/06/2012 07:21

Lol, it is a bit funny. Sorry, no help, but couldn't help laughing at his arguments.

everlong · 25/06/2012 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BellaVita · 25/06/2012 07:28

Oh my, he sounds lovely.

DH wears "shortie" lounge wear pj's even in the summer (wears them to sit downstairs with) izzy.

fatandhateful · 25/06/2012 07:48

Thanks. I have never thought of him as a bully, he is so laid-back most of he time, but he does get really nasty in arguments. It is usually me that starts the argument, as he is happy just to go along and not tlk about anything, but then he comes out with this kind of thing. It IS funny, and a bit pathetic.
He really is bahaving as though he is a teenager, not a grown man with kids.

I guess it is a pretty typical argument. He thinks our sex life is crap because I am "never in the mood" and I think our sex life is crap because I am exhausted from doing the lion's share of everything and because we never have dates or spend time together. Hmm

OP posts:
fatandhateful · 25/06/2012 08:02

I don't think he is jealous of the baby. I hadn't considered that but I don't think so. I think he is just selfish. And his time management is terrible.

He's worn pajamas all year round ever since I've known him!

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 25/06/2012 08:24

Yanbu shoot the fucker and have done with it

ENormaSnob · 25/06/2012 08:25

He's a nob head.

Coconutty · 25/06/2012 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe · 25/06/2012 08:32

Send him some of the research that shows that men who help around the house more get more sex and that being a lazy slob is a turn-off.

marshmallowpies · 25/06/2012 08:38

Yep I always got moaned at by my ex because my presents weren't good enough, I didn't understand him & wasn't thoughtful enough.

On eggshells every birthday & Xmas waiting to see if he disapproved of my choices, and I used to overcompensate by buying him tons of presents, figuring that at least one would be good.

I was so in love with him that even after we split up I spent about £400 on a present I knew he really wanted, just to show him I was capable of giving him what he wanted. He was delighted for about a day and a half but found something else to criticise me about a few days later which blew up into a huge row.

Made me realise I couldn't buy his approval and love with presents, he was still going to find fault. I am definitely well-rid.

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