Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to kick his head in?

27 replies

BryterLayter · 24/06/2012 22:59

I'm so angry! I started a new full time job last Monday, every night I came home, shopped as needed on the way & made dinner for my teen daughter, my STBX & myself. Friday was bus strike & I needed to be in work by 8am so I walked what would normally be a Half hour bus ride, did a 10 hour day & then walked home. Poured myself a long drink (STBX feet up on sofa watching tv with laptop in lap) & I sat down at 7.30. He decides to go & get fish & chips from local for him & dd only!
Dd later asks me if I'd like some of hers as she has too much which is then my dinner. Dd goes for sleepover on Sat afternoon I spend day & eve with my mum & dd returns this evening so I cook her dinner. STBX states he wants a shelf of his own in fridge & freezer as I'm obviously too selfish to cook for 'us' as a family anymore.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 24/06/2012 23:00

Does it matter? You're divorcing him. Stop doing things for him.

squeakytoy · 24/06/2012 23:01

why is he living with you if he is your ex?

BarredfromhavingStella · 24/06/2012 23:02

WTF are you cooking for STBX for???? Please do explain Hmm

MumbleMumm · 24/06/2012 23:02

Your poor dd stuck in the middle of that mess.

WorraLiberty · 24/06/2012 23:05

I feel sorry for your DD too.

It sounds as though you and your ex (because he is actually your ex, regardless of where he lives) need to sort out some 'living rules'.

His own shelf sounds perfect but you both need to work out who is going to feed you DD and when.

TheSpokenNerd · 24/06/2012 23:06

I suppose OP was tryng to keep things decnt by cooking for him...OP kcke the arse out.

TheSpokenNerd · 24/06/2012 23:06

I suppose OP was tryng to keep things decnt by cooking for him...OP kcke the arse out.

WorraLiberty · 24/06/2012 23:06

*your

WorraLiberty · 24/06/2012 23:07

'Kick the arse out' is a lot easier to type than actually do.

For a start there are laws preventing it (depending on their marital/mortgage situation)

SoleSource · 24/06/2012 23:10

YANBU for the sake of your Daughter, please ask him to leave.

xDivAx · 24/06/2012 23:20

YANBU! Tell the t**t that you are no longer a family (as he as already demonstrated) so you only need to cook for yourself and DD as these are the people that your family consist of now, and you are the one working and providing for DD, whilst he sits on his lazy back side! I would kick his head in if I were you (just not with DD around you understand)! In fact tell me where you live and I will do it for you :o

I know it's hard to do, but do try to kick him to the curb as soon as you can!

ThisIsAUsername · 24/06/2012 23:23

YABU. For not telling him he can have his own shelf, in his own fridge, in his own house.

Tell him to piss off. Must be awful for your daughter to be around.

Original poster
BryterLayter · 24/06/2012 23:31

I have asked him to leave many times but get a "why should I?" response - I do tell him why but he refuses.
Yes I was continuing with the cooking to try & keep some 'normality' in the house, tho poor dd is opting for more sleepover opportunities & I can't blame her!
I have asked for divorce as he's a narcissistic arsehole, but he says since I've asked for it I should move out. Tho he wants the house sold so he can get " his share " of the limited equity & I want to find a way to stay here.
I'd need to rent a room but while he's still here I can't do that either...
The temptation to take up my sisters offer to put me in touch with some unsavoury types who could 'persuade him' is looking better all the time!

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 24/06/2012 23:35

Are you for real??

WorraLiberty · 24/06/2012 23:36

What are your reasons for wanting him to leave rather than you?

How old is your DD?

Don't stoop to violence and intimidation. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he got some unsavoury types to do the same thing to you.

3littlefrogs · 24/06/2012 23:36

You need legal advice asap.

NatashaBee · 24/06/2012 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 24/06/2012 23:42

nah, kicking his head in is a waste of time. let him have his own shelf in the fridge.. do nothing for him. get legal advice as soon as possible.

Original poster
BryterLayter · 24/06/2012 23:44

I'm not really going to do anything violent. That's just my frustration talking.
worraLiberty I would dearly love to stay in thi house for lots of reasons so it would be daft of me to move out as he'd be trying to sell it as soon as the door shut behind me (I knowhe can't legally do that but he'd give it a damn good try).

OP posts:
soozeedol · 24/06/2012 23:45

why don't you go and apply for a council house or housing association house...explaining the circumstances and see if you can be helped to find your own house and fresh start...if house is sold, etc you will still get a share in any profit etc
I'd be tempted to go and rent somewhere and leave him behind with his fridge shelf and chippy dinner, sofa surfing lazy butt...

Take control, see solicitor, start divorce proceedings and move on, giving your dd a fresh start and organise when she sees her df...you don't have to live this way surely....you could also speak about organising the unsavouries to pay homage later on if need be

Original poster
BryterLayter · 24/06/2012 23:49

We are going through mediation already - just waiting for the sorry statement that is our financial declaration to be drawn up so I can take it to solicitors to get an opinion on my best course of action.
He's mucked up our finances so often I am sick of it, as well as his fanatical controlling behaviour.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/06/2012 23:50

you could also speak about organising the unsavouries to pay homage later on if need be

Seriously? Hmm

Yes that's a completely adult way to act towards the parent of your child isn't it?

I take it you'd say the same thing if the OP was a man who wanted his ex wife to move out?

LucieMay · 24/06/2012 23:55

Sort out your own meals and food every day. Totally separate. Each of you be responsible for dd's meals on different days- alternate days, whatever.

Original poster
BryterLayter · 24/06/2012 23:57

I've explored the council/housing assoc options already & until it's all resolved they say they can't help. We are also the proud owners of 2 flats which are in big negative equity (up North) part of another failed money making scheme of his which means we can't qualify for lots of schemes .

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/06/2012 23:59

You can put your name on the council list any time you like.

Do it now and what happens in the future will/will not shift you further up the list.