3yo DS in "girls" locker room

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

I've started taking 3yo DS swimming at our local YMCA when they open up half the pool to family swim time. Woman at the desk said as he's under 4 I can take him into the girls locker room (we're in America), I didn't even know there was a separate "family" one.

Never had a problem until last week when we went at the same time as a few swimming lessons. After our swim we were getting changed and two mums and their daughters (not aged more than 5/6) shrieked when they came round the corner and saw my DS, hurried the girls back to the showers which are seperated from the changing area saying things like "dOnt take your costumes off, shower with your clothes off, we'll all have showers at home" and responding when the girls asked why with "there's a boy in the changing room".

DS is quite tall but the way he was acting was clearly young - but I said to the mum that he was three, pointed out the sign that said boys under 4 could be in there and she gave me AND HIM a filthy look and said "I'm just pointing it out." DS picked up on it, thought he'd dOne something wrong

AIBU to be really cross about this? The girls didn't look bothered, DS certainly wasn't bothered about getting changed in front of anyone and anyway we were nearly finished and would have been out the door by the time they'd had their showers (which you can't see from the changing area).

I thought it was just sad and unnecessary considering the ages of the children, but maybe I'm being insensitive?

Obviously we'll use the family locker rooms from now on

What age is out of arms? My 15 month old is too heavy to carry about does that count?

Oh and the other woman needs to get a grip

I really don't see how anyone can find a little boy offensive anyway? They aren't aware of sexual differences at that age, older girls being offended strikes me as odd frankly.

I would not want my 4 and 6 year old sons changing in the men's changing rooms alone without me. They could both manage it, but I personally would worry for their safety. Just the same as if I had 2daughters I would expect them to change with Dh if he was taking them swimming. Luckily our local pool had a changing room refit last year. Got rid of the separate male and female changing rooms and replaced with one big communal room. Makes much more sense!

Op, you definitely were not being unreasonable! How ridiculous of that woman.

Apparently the place does have a family changing room so I suppose the expectation is I would go there with DS - which is fine.

I was just really taken aback and sad for DS who thought he'd done something wrong. The little girls seemed a bit non plussed but are obviously going to grow up thinking nudity around boys is a terrible thing.

Kids are NEVER naked on the beach here either

Thanks all - I was initially really cross but thinking it through starter to wonder if I was wrong

My son started walking at 10 months. What the fuck would I have done with him then, him being 'out of arms'?

What a ridiculous statement.

There is no way my 2.9 year old would be able to get himself changed for swimming by himself. He'd manage to take his clothes off fine, then he would run naked into the locker section and hide himself in a locker for 20 mins whilst I frantically searched for him. He would then run into the pool and jump in unsupervised, or possibly back out of the changing area to the cafe/vending machine for snacks, then maybe head out of the main door. The thought of it is frankly terrifying. Children of this age can't be left unsupervised for a minute, especially not around swimming pools.

i hope you explained to him that some grownups are really very very stupid.

loads of swimming pools over here have unisex changing rooms not seperate ones anybody who has an issue with young children in this circumstance should probally take a long hard look at themselves and ask themselves why?

They acted like idiots. There is a family changing room though so mixed sex groups can just use that to avoid the twats

Yep America Nuff said JumpingThroughHoops got it.
I took my boys in the ladies loos here till they were probably 8 or 9 I got glared at, but no one actually said anything. No way I was sending them alone in the mens in a busy fairgrounds fully of dodgy looking people.
Never bothered with changing rooms, we go home wet the pool is only open in summer and a wet suit in a hot car feels good.

lovebunny are you serious? What would you propose parents do if they go swimming with a small child of the opposite sex?

OP: YANBU and this story has saddened and irked me.

I took my 8 yo DS into the ladies loos in the motorway services last week california and he goes in a cubicle in the ladies changing rooms when we go swimming.

In Canada the rule in our local pool is 8, pretty reasonable I think. $ is strange and under 4, the woman was hysterical.

I also agree with fullofregrets.

No way would I have sent my innocent little boys as soon as they were "out of arms" into a mens changing room on their own. Ridiculous.

Do you have any sons lovebunny?

I sometimes get the feeling that some people think all boys are these predatory creatures, out to harm, and always up to no good while their girls are always in the right and automatically on the receiving end of any unpleasantness.

The above paragraph isn't just about changing rooms & nudity or being "ogled at" - its a general feeling I especially used to get when they were little.

Little boys are delightful, sensitive,innocent, loving and caring just as much as are little girls.

Wow how uptight of them. Great message they're giving their daughters: Be paranoid of everyone.

Lunatic women.

Just wondering how you guys feel about daughters going with dads at7or8? I don't think I want my dd changing in front of male strangers, so I suppose I think 8 is too old. Most 8yr olds can swim, so I guess they r capable of getting dressed.

I would say 7 to 8 is about right for both ways.

Expecting a 3 year old to use a change room alone is just bloody stupid.

DS1 is 8 now and wouldn't want to come into the ladies. It happened very naturally over the last two years. There are places where I will insist he comes in with me rather than alone (thinking late at night, service stations etc). But to be honest that sort of thing doesn't come up that often because mostly DH is with us in those sorts of circumstances.

I wouldn't have bothered with a family changing room at 3 years old, but by about 5ish if it was available we did, for his comfort as well.

There is no hard and fast rule I think, but it is just dumb to think a 3 year old in the opposite sex change room is in any way inappropriate, just DUMB.

I agree with the (mainly) consensus on this thread - however, I was changing in our female changing room at the pool the other day and a mum was in there with a small daughter and I am guessing a 7-8 yo son.

As it was a changing room I made no attempt to cover up and the boy watched me change like this literally without blinking

I saw it that hopefully in the future my (ahem) "real" (read size 12) body would be a counterbalance to all the airbrushed women he will see on telly.

Doing my bit for his future girlfriends.....

I'm in France and take my 9 year old and his friend in ladies where they use a cubicle to change otherwise they take ages and forget stuff. I am by no means the only one to do this and nobody bats an eyelid. I have told them that next year they need to go into the mens but I did ask if there was an age cut off and the woman at reception just shrugged. By the way my son wouldn't stare - he'd run away - I know this because he has older sisters.

In Germany where I live we have communal saunas. Those women would probably die of a heart attack upon seeing something so sinful!!

Crazy people, ignore. They should come here where the age is 7/8 sill people. What do they expect you do with your toddler

He's only 3! How ridiculous. And having an age limit of 4 is really weird, 7-8 is about right for most children.

Loony.