AIBU about porn?

[ScarletLadyOfTheNight01]

I'm not sure if this is more appropriate for Relationships but it is an AIBU.

I'll try and be comprehensive, I really need advice.

This morning I went to go online and I accidentally saw the "recently closed" bit on Google Chrome (easily done with Windows 7 -just getting used to it). It looks like DH was looking at "Free Live Webcam girls" last night and I feel a bit sick about it.

Now I know in an ideal world we'd all be having as much amazing sex as possible. I know life gets in the way sometimes and people sometimes need a bit of "relief". I'm aware DH looks at porn sometimes to help with that...porn doesn't really bother me, and I have no problem with him sorting himself out if he needs to and I'm not in the mood...Lord knows I've done it in the past.

So my AIBU isn't abut porn as such. It's just something about webcam that seems so much more...intimate IYKWIM?

I'm guessing from the fact it was a free site there was no interaction, and I KNOW DH can't work the webcam on our laptop...he's a complete techno-dunce...so I'm not thinking he's actually having an interaction with anyone.

Do men see this as a natural extension from "normal" porn? Is it just voyeurism? AIBU to feel a bit upset about it, seeing as he knows I don't mind him looking at porn on occasion? He's never hidden it from me. I'm not feeling great about myself at the moment, and we rarely get time on our own as our 18 month DD is being very demanding and difficult in the evenings.

Hi Scarlet, I get where you're coming from. My DH and I occasionally watch porn together and I'm sure he has done from time to time on his own. I'm fine with that and like you say, as long as he's not doing it in place of having sex with me that's fine.
I think I would feel the same as you about a webcam site, it's almost like with a porn film it's kind of just the bodies having sex, I could watch one and not be able to tell you what any of them looked like after but watching one person on a web cam seems somehow more intimate, like he is watching it because he's attracted to one girl.
I am also feeling a little sensitive about my appearance lately, 3 kids in four years has not been kind to my body!
I think the negative reaction porn gets on here has kind of overtaken the thread a little. I would have a gentle chat with him, ask firstly if he was even on that site or it was a pop up, if he says he was explain that you are feeling a little low at the moment and also that view porn films and web cam sites differently and why. I'm sure that if he has been on them he will understand how you feel and respect your wishes.
You also need to work on your own self confidence!

I always feel very sad when I see how the women in these OP's manage to convince themselves that their natural reaction to porn is wrong, and that if they could just improve their own self-respect all would be well

is it too shocking to you to think that it's your porn-using partner's self respect that is the the one that should be examined ?

I understand the whole porn debate is quite a contentious issue. It's personal choice and preference at the end of the day and I understand a relaxed attitude to it is not synonymous with a confident and happy person. I was just making the point that normally it doesn't bother me, and was musing that maybe my reaction to the current situation was a result of my current mood more than anything else.

It's one of those issues that people have strong views on, on either side, and I can see both points and I understand both.

Also, the reason I was asking how men viewed this sort of thing to try and understand if it was viewed in general as an extension of the "normal" porn experience, or if it was something more...well dodgy... if that makes sense. I know my opinion and feelings are valid, I was just after opinions on how to broach the subject.

Thanks for everyone's advice and views. I think I may post in Relationships when I have time to get all my feelings out. Is that section for just "relationships" or is it to get support on personal feelings as well. My current feelings and situation are not really down to DH's behaviour on the whole.

If I go on tv websites or watch films online I always get pop ups of free webcam girls pages and also gambling pages. The webcam ones start showing a vid, I've got pop ups blocked but it still does it. Does he stream tv or anything online? This could be totally innocent.

Relationships is a supportive place where you'll be able to explore your feelings for sure. AIBU really not so as a rule

"Plenty of women use porn and are perfectly happy with it

of course they do. shock horror this isnt the 1950s, we are allowed to have sexual desire and to decide for ourselves what turns us on"

It might shock you to leanr that plenty of women - and men - manage to desire and enjoy sex without recourse to porn at all.
Perhaps you need to open your mind a little ...