DD is being more grown up than me about this! Opinions please!

[plugplant]

Two months ago dd was invited to a 11th birthday party. We didn't have time to go shopping and I was short of cash so dd gave the birthday girl £10 from her piggy bank. She never got a thank you note but I suppose 11 year olds don't do they?

Anyway, forward to 2 weeks ago when it was dd's birthday. The mum asked what dd would like for her birthday. Dd is saving so said in honesty to the question, money please. Never got a present or a card from this child. Last week the mum said "Oh I've forgotten haven't I silly me!" Or words to that effect.

DD is being very sensible and says it is too embarrassing to pursue and of course it is! But I am indignant on her behalf. Please tell me to get a life/ your own fault and all that as I am sooo not happy about this I've taken to avoiding her at the school gates!

Why did you make your dd give her own money? Don't you usually pay for presents for her friends?

Oh I thought I'd answered that, I was short of cash and we were in a rush, but don't worry I did refund her!

YABU to pursue it. You don't give to receive.

There is no polite way of saying "oi, where's the card and cash???"

Don't worry, as I said, I have no intention on pursuing it but it's the indignation I feel! Why can't I just forget it?!

I expect you're findinng it hard to let go because in your mind that tenner was from DDs piggy bank and you feel that's more personal somehow...but they didn't know and perhaps the other Mum is short too! Forget it...its only one present...

I dunno, you'll get people on here saying it's presence not presents that counts & people like me who think "that's a bit pants, really".
There are much more important things to worry about, that's all you can cling to.

Thanks Adventures, pants is a good word for it. It's nice to be able to have an anonymous vent on here rather than confront the woman

I kind of get where you are coming from, but you don't give presents to get them back. Your dd is right, don't chase it. She isn't out of pocket because she never had it. Also some people really don't like being asked for money and prefer presents.
How many people on here think asking for money for a wedding present is crass? Maybe she feels that way.

Maybe the mother was embarrassed because she can't reciprocate. I (personally) would have been mortified if my DCs had asked for money for a present, but I would have been equally mortified if they hadn't written thank you letters for a present they had received.

Think you have to let it go tbh.

Be incredibly proud of your DD! What maturity for an 11 year old.

It would be a problem for me because the other mother brought it up.
If she just forgot, then it's one of those things and no big deal.
But if they mention it, then why can't they just do it?
I had friends who used to do that with birthday cards - 'I've left it on the dining room table/In my other bag/Under the cat'
When what they really meant was 'Forgot your birthday/Couldn't be @rsed to buy you a card'

Either do it or don't, but don't make excuses.