to think you should always

[AtALossForWords]

take a gift if you are invited to a party?

My exH took DD to a party today and didn't take a gift for the child. It appears he rarely does.

I said that this was bad manners and that young children expect a present and that DD may loose out on invites and friends possibly - I know that this isn't the reason to take a present but children are so fickle and I'd hate for my DD to be singled out as a mean friend.

He said that it was perfectly fine to take just a card.

YANBU. He is being lazy and stingy. Even a tiny present.

YANBU. Definitely lazy and stingy.

Lazy and stingy.

Well, make sure he hosts dds birthday party so he can see how it feels to be on the other side.

Definite breach of child party etiquette.

YANBU a pressie is expected, doesn't have to be expensive if that is an issue.

How did you find out and is your DD upset? Mine would be.

I explained that you don't need to spend a fortune - I'mnot flush myself and usually buy from B&M bargains etc and can get something decent for not very much!

I found out because I asked him outright. Another mum commented last week that he didn't bring a present to her daughter's party - wasn't said bitchily just came up in conversation. I felt terrible tho.

YANBU. It's just thoughtless and rude.

That's not good. IF he didn't have time or didn't know what to get he could have put some money in the card.
Did your DD not say anything?

YANBU just tacky.

However not sure how mumsnetters feel on shared parties. DS has an invite for two parties tomorrow, both of which are shared, but at each of them he is only friends with one of the boys - usually there is a remark about just brining one present but there isn't on these invites. I'm just intending to bring one present to each party though, so perhaps I am a terrible mean bag.

For yourself I'd probably just buy the present and wrap it up I know its crap but it reflects badly on you and your DD might not get invites to parties as a result.

I would take a present in on Monday and say that it got left behind.

What a twat.

Good idea soup dragon. My ex always did this so i just brought the present and card before hand and let Ds/DD werpa it up and take it when they went off with their dad. he did the big asct as if it was him who'd boughtteh present but everyone knew what a prat he was and knew exactly who had bought it!
rookie - for the shared parties i'd buy a normal presnt for the actual friends and just a wee minding for the boys he doesn't really know.

Yes of course. You should never turn up to a party empty-handed.

A wee minding - what a lovely expression !
Must see if I have any in the cupboard !

I have already text the mum who organised the party to say I will arrange presents for Monday.

I used to buy them and wrap for him to take but thought it was as much his responsibilty as mine and so I started letting him get something.

and if, something happened you would ensure the present was sent at a later date.

YANBU. Inconsiderate of both your DDs and her friend's feelings.

Thanks for all your comments

He should have got a present, even a little something would do. I know there have been occasions when I've been beyond skint and unable to buy a present, but in the normal run of things I always do.

Stingy git.

That's why I sort out party gifts, even if it's ex's 'day' and he is taking them to the party - I just know he'd not bother.

He is being a twit. You are right to send a later one.
He could have picked up a magazine/cheap stickers or hairbobs/bag of sweeties but to take nothing at all is for your daughter.
Well done for sorting it.

It has bugger all to with amount btw - it is a gesture. My kid's friend gave her a little packet of crayons: Tis fine, I know her mum isn't flush and my kid was just as made up with them and gave her a huge hug.

Another mum always gives far too much and I always feel a bit awkward/have to reciprocate later.

I saw a child at bowling this year have two gifts for DD but in the melee of putting them on the table she surreptitiously took one back!!! < I ignored and thought ok-ay>

Ooh Joint parties is always a bit difficult tbh
I always bought two presents and cards and was a bit especially when my kid only played with one of them. Others say you halve what you would have spent on each one i.e. say you were going to spend eight quid you'd get them both something for 4 each.

That's fine unless one is a really special friend or your budget is lower...2.50 each might stretch to a box of maltesers a piece and a puzzle book. But if parents are doing a joint thing/joint costs then they would understand?

but this is why the Lord created Poundland!