to have given up on men?

[StuckintheBellJar]

I'm 32. Single, childless.

All I've ever wanted is a partner, home and family.

I've had three long term relationships. All three lost interest in me after a couple of years. Two cheated.

Anybody else in the same boat? I started posting on MN when I was TTC with the last disaster.

I've had plenty of men take an interest, but I run away even if I like them. Just can't.

It's a good thing to go off men. Makes you more fussy in the long run. And being fussy usually leads to not settling for second best.

So you're right to take time out. Look within and start valuing you and you'll find that the men you do chose to date will see you as the great value you do.

OP 32 is still quite young. Its not over for you at all. Enjoy your life. Do what makes you happy and try to move on from bad experience.
I know the feeling but you've a long time left for things to go as you want. Don't dwell on it.

I gave up men 15 years ago but for very different reasons.....just ask my wife!

Seriously though, YANBU it is good to just have time to assess what it is you want and deserve in a relationship. 32 is young(my age and I refuse to think I am anywhere near old) so enjoy your time.

Defining yourself as someone whose only desire is a husband and children is quite dangerous; it makes you vulnerable, and there are lots of people who have those things and are not happy.

In reality there must be many other things you enjoy and are interested in. Since you're off men anyway at the moment (probably a good thing as it means you're less at risk from twats), why not focus for a while on friends, work, interests etc, which will make your life more fun and mean that you have a stronger sense of self and self-esteem... which in turn may make your future relationships more successful.

Me too.

Invested 14 years of my life in a husband, family and life and was spectacularly crapped on from a great height on christmas day when I discovered his 9 month affair.

I can't IMAGINE ever giving someone that trust to break me again.

I went off men for two years in my early 30s. And I mean completely, not a single date or kiss or anything. It was mostly an enjoyable time actually, though there were times when I was very lonely and convinced I would never find anyone.

But, if I hadn't had that time on my own, I probably never would have ended up going back to school and moving to a new city, which is how I met my DH (at 36).

So YANBU at all, take some time and try to enjoy your life. You still have a lot of years to get what you want.

It's the sheer terror of being hurt again.

I just can't see the point in putting all the effort in.

Men lose interest after a couple of years.

Stuck, that is exactly it. 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 15 years eventually a lot of men look elsewhere.

I know some lovely couples, nice honest men and with exception of 1 all of the men have had a dalience or another. Be it inappropriate flirting, texting, emotional involvment with another woman, right up to prostitutes and full blown affairs.

Just normal everyday men. NO fucking way am I opening myself up to that. My DH would come home and tell me what these men were up to

Id be the same if dh went off. I was with ex for 18 yrs and 4 dc he left me for a newer model. I am remarried and very happy but deep down i know for sure i would never bother again,i dont have the fecking energy anymore.

Put some time into being single,beer in the bath,watch what you want on tv,fart in bed,pull a hot young stud and shag him senseless

I think most me look elsewhere. Particularly if they don't have children.

Well, I don't think that's true. A lot of men cheat, a lot don't. The real problem is they don't come with warning signs.

I think it's a great idea to spend some time just enjoying your life and not worrying about it.

But if you do want a family someday, at some point you'll have to get back out there. You don't want to have no expectations ('all men cheat'), better to have absurdly high expectations and try to wait for a really great guy. That's not foolproof but it will help a lot.

If anything happened to DH I honestly couldn't be bothered with men anymore.

I have also given up on men and I'm 33. My problem is chosing the wrong ones constantly. I might change my mind in a few years or I may stay single. At the moment I'm happy without a partner and it isn't important to me. As long as you feel positive about staying single and not lonely and bitter then stay that way until the right one comes along (or forever if that makes you happier) x