To think I am turning into a bitter old cow

[wigglybeezer]

Its the end of term here, that means exams, school reports, sports days etc.

Should be a fun time?

Not for me, hearing about other people's children's successes and prizes makes me very unsettled, jealous, cross and then upset about feeling this way.

My older boys struggle with school work due to dyslexia and social communication issues, my youngest does well at school but his report this year had less full some praise than usual ( tough teacher this year) and some thinly veiled criticism of me for not supervising his homework enough ( too busy helping his brothers). Ds1 has a difficult personality and home life is often stressful ( basically happy if complicated though). He had a tough end of term.

I am proud of them (most of the time!).

My parents would have thought it very bad manners to boast about children's achievements but everyone does it now, do they not realise how much it hurts people whose children are struggling.

Is it just me or do you all manage to find joy in others' triumphs.

I just tend to nod, smile and say "thats great", then change the subject.

Yeah but how do you feel inside.

This is mostly Facebook stuff by the way, I know I should stay away but I end up out of the loop if I do.

I don't go in for FB or other public boasting but I do occasionally have a little boast to my DCs' grandparents or to very close friends.

YOU are proud of your DCs, rightfully so, no doubt. That really is all that matters. I don't think you sound bitter...it's a bit crass to loudly and publicly boast about one's DCs' achievements.

Inside, it just doesnt bother me. My stepkids all did crap at school to be honest. Stepson was a complete nightmare, and left at 15 with no qualifications at all, but he was hard working once he knew he had to get a job, and he now has his own house, a Range Rover and a Porsche, and employs 5 people at the age of 28. All without any help at all from anyone, and if you had met him when he was 15, you would have been within your rights to assume he would end up in prison by the time he was 18, but he has been fine. He just couldnt cope with school, teachers, and had no academic skills at all. He was always in trouble and not at all happy there.

My stepdaughters both have jobs, are very happy with their lives too, and again both left with the minimum of qualifications.

None of them went to college, or uni, and they have done perfectly ok. They have happy lives, they are all in settled relationships, and they have no regrets.

Some kids just are not cut out for sitting in a classroom and learning, they flourish once they leave school and can find something that they enjoy doing, and it doesnt have to be a high flying highly qualified job, nor should all kids be expected to go on to further education if it is going to be a waste of time and resources and make them bloody miserable because it is a struggle.

I agree with everything squeaky said.

I have two brothers. One was a "genius", went to University etc.,the other practically got flung out of school.

The latter now has the better career.

It's probably useful for you to know that all my self esteem as a child was tied up in being top of the class or thereabouts.

It is rude to boast about children isn't it?

I get all churned about the successes of my nice, non boasts friends children too though. I seem to live in a high achieving area.

I must accept my darlings as they are and learn to laugh it off

DS 3 had 100 % attendance this year and DS2&3 both had perfect behaviour records, so not all bad.

If I thought Ds1 was likely to turn into the next Richard Branson I would be more relaxed!

Yes WB, IMO it IS rude to boast about your children, but normal behaviour these days it seems. Take heart in the knowledge that you're more thoughtful than your boasty friends therefore your DC will grow up into nicer adults than their DC.
Your DC will do well for themselves if they have a positive attitude to trying hard.
Try not to base all your feelings of self worth on your DC. It's hard when you live in a high-achieving area. So do I. It feels as if nobody's any good unless they've won a national prize.
And if none of this and the other posters (similar) advice helps how you feel at least know that you're not the only one who feels like this.

100% attendance and perfect behaviour records are certainly things to be proud of, IMO.

Re. getting churned about non-boasty friends' DCs... I get this sometimes too. I sometimes feel jealous about other people's DCs doing well, which is ridiculous, since one of my DCs does very well at certain things. I am stupidly competitive though, which is both a useful and immensely useless trait. Being competitive myself is fine, but I need to not be competitive on behalf of my DCs!

I think grandparents are the only people it is legitimate to boast to about your childrens' achievements - they lap it up. I would never talk about it with friends and certainly not post it on Facebook