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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be happy about my son being let down?

24 replies

whatdoyaknow · 23/06/2012 12:48

It's my sons birthday today, and family on both sides are meant to be coming for a party/BBQ at 3. I haven't personally invited every single member of both sides of the family, well, because I didn't think I needed to.

For instance, DP's Uncle, his wife, and their three children. His Uncle was told about it and said all was welcome. Didn't think anything of it until he text DP's brother this morning saying they wasn't coming as they all didn't get an invite. When it was pointed out that the invite given to the Uncle, included his wife and children (and it was. He was told there is going to be a BBQ and all was invited and I was later informed said wife also said she wouldn't come if his mum (DS's Great Gran) was going which she now isn't) but now the wife is apparently refusing for them all to come because she hasn't personally had a phone call herself.

DP has said "Fuck them if they are going to be awkward", which I am so tempted to just leave it, had my DS not been looking forward to playing with their children.

So, AIBU in not ringing her up to personally invite her meaning I should ring and apologize or is she being pathetic and I should just leave them to it?

OP posts:

Shutupanddrive · 23/06/2012 12:50

Ring them. You should have invited them properly

squeakytoy · 23/06/2012 12:51

hmmmm tricky one...

quick phone call to clear up confusion, or no phone call and kick off a family feud...

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2012 12:54

Why not just have a 'normal' Birthday party and invite your child's friends?

HildaOgden · 23/06/2012 12:55

She might just think her dh has got it wrong and that when he says 'yeah,we're all invited',that if he has got that wrong she'd be mortified showing up.

Give her a ring,keep it breezy and don't let it blow up.

HildaOgden · 23/06/2012 12:57

Just re-read the bit about her being stroppy about the great-gran being there.

Feck it,ring her and make her feel like the princess she thinks she is for the sake of your son.

But next year,just invite children only.

Original poster

whatdoyaknow · 23/06/2012 12:58

I thought I had invited them properly though. The Uncle was called, and told that they was all invited. Just like I rang my Mum, and said her and Dad are invited. And rang DP's Mum, and said her and her partner are invited. I didn't realise I would need to ring up every single adult and their partners personally to invite them. I thought it would be a given (but I have never arranged a get together myself before so I did think this was ok, as that is how others have invited us before)

I shall give her a ring then and apologize.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatdoyaknow · 23/06/2012 12:59

His friends are coming too. And family. Most of our family live miles away so thought it would be nice to invite all family around.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatdoyaknow · 23/06/2012 13:01

Oh, and I haven't told the Great Gran she can't come because of her, she isn't coming because she decided she also didn't want to be where the wife is :(

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2012 13:02

To be fair, she's probably seen the weather forecast

thisisyesterday · 23/06/2012 13:02

i kind of agree with your DP!

i probably would ring anyway, to keep the peace, and just say something like "i'm so sorry you feel you weren't invited. I did say that the invitation was to all of you when I spoke to your DH"

it IS weird to expect an individual phone call isn't it? what are you supposed to do, call the uncle and then hang up and immediately phone back and speak to his wife?

Thingiebob · 23/06/2012 13:03

Just a phone call I think to clear up any confusion. It's your sons birthday and he wants to play with his cousins.

Worra - what does a 'normal' party mean?

thisisyesterday · 23/06/2012 13:03

sorry, having re-read... it sounds like she is one of "those" people to me. who alwahys want a fuss and a fall-out. in which case i stand by my first answer. just don 't have them.

then I would go and collect great-gran and make sure she could come instead

Original poster

whatdoyaknow · 23/06/2012 13:04

The BBQ will be on the balcony which is sheltered, and everyone will be out there/inside so no one shall get wet. Was just easier to feed everyone this way.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2012 13:08

I thought my post explained what I meant by 'normal' when I mentioned inviting the child's friends?

At that point, the OP hadn't mentioned them.

cocolepew · 23/06/2012 13:11

Shes an idiot but if you want the children to be there you will need to phone princess tippytoes and ask her.

Thingiebob · 23/06/2012 13:13

Right. Ok. Confused.

KurriKurri · 23/06/2012 13:19

I think you should ring up and ask her (i think she's bonkers fro making an issue but that's beside the point) the fact is your DS wants to see his cousins, and they probably want to see him too, and it's his party - I don't think children should have to lose out because of adult fall outs and family politics.

Original poster

whatdoyaknow · 23/06/2012 13:29

I don't want to fall out with them, I sort of just feel like something is going on somewhere, and that DP knows them much better than me and maybe he is right, and I shouldn't get involved and just leave them to it, but I do feel sorry for DS and their children as they love playing with each other and get on so well.

I have tried ringing, but they aren't answering so left a message. I haven't apologized, just said that I hope they are all still coming and that DS is looking forward to seeing them. The wife is a vegetarian, so also mentioned that she needn't worry as I have catered for her too.

We shall see.

OP posts:

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 23/06/2012 13:31

I would ring them to set the record straight and get them to come. Not because you did anything wrong or because you should, but because if you don't your ds will be disappointed about seeing his cousins.

I'd just put it down to one of thise uncomfortable things you have to do to make your child happy.

thisisyesterday · 23/06/2012 15:31

why isn't a family party normal?

at 3 ds1 had only just started nursery and didn't really have any friends, and so we had a family party. he is 7 now and this year didn't want children from school either, just family and some other adult friends.

not sure why that isn't considered normal

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 23/06/2012 15:38

One of those normal parties where your family are not invited?

AKE2012 · 23/06/2012 16:06

Id jus say watever and make the day a good day for your son and dont make a big deal of them not being there. When i have parties i tell family members(siblings n parents). I dont invite every family member personally what a waste of time. My sis for example will b told bout the party, she will tell her partner n they both turn up. Simple.
I think the wife is jus being difficult for no reason n u shuldnt let it ruin ur sons party.

AKE2012 · 23/06/2012 16:07

So coz i have a family party for my childs birthday theres something wrong with me.

rookiemater · 23/06/2012 16:10

Uncles wife sounds like a right charmer.

It's probably too late now but I would ring up and apologise effusively for any miscommunication in a very cheery voice. I would also say that you had spoken to uncle and invited all the family and how would she like future invites to be worded just so there is no confusion.

She sounds dreadful, but with people like this i would want to make sure they have no grounds for recrimination.

Hope your son has a good party.

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