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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you tell your dc that their partner is ugly?

50 replies

Magneto · 22/06/2012 16:22

I think the implied message is "you are too good for them" but seriously, to make horrid remarks about their looks seems like overstepping the mark in any context IMO.

OP posts:

Trioofprinces · 22/06/2012 17:20

No I wouldn't say anything, in fact DSD's bf is lovely but really quite a minger in my opinion. I only had a quick smirk with my friend

maras2 · 22/06/2012 17:28

Never needed to say this to DC's but when I first met my DN's DBoyfriend,Ithought that he was an unusual looking bloke.However several years on and used to his different looks I find him strangely attractive. .Also he's a lovely guy and a very good new father.

AllPastYears · 22/06/2012 17:30

I would never tell anyone that anyone else is ugly! Rude and unnecessary in my opinion, and if I think such a thing - which isn't often - I keep it to myself.

lovebunny · 22/06/2012 18:28

no!
happily, son in law is beautiful, like his wife and baby.

MissFaversam · 22/06/2012 18:36

One persons trash is anothers treasure

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 22/06/2012 18:55

So, would that be your MIL or your Mum doing this? The answer is "well, I guess I made a better choice than Dad did, anyway" (or "dh made a better choice than his dad did")

yellowraincoat · 22/06/2012 18:59

Why would you do this? Why?

I find Benedict Cumberbatch really really freaky looking, yet millions of women get their knickers in a twist over him. On the other hand, I have paid money to sit through all the Twilight films even though they're ridiculous because Robert Pattinson makes me feel funny inside. Others say he's a troll (as in ugly, not that he goes on MN to wind people up).

Beauty is SO subjective.

Vixxen · 22/06/2012 19:07

I think it's not their judgement to make. My mum likes to do this with the men in my life (friend or boyfriend!) and it used to bug me.

Generally, it's not like the mother/mother in law is going to be the one waking up to the man every day. And if it's a daughter in law I suppose the same applies and the mother should just get on with it and see her son is happy :)

sayanything · 22/06/2012 19:27

Why would you???

Surely what's important is that they're kind and treat your DC well?

Original poster

Magneto · 22/06/2012 19:31

It's my mum saying it about dh. She has said it a few times over the years in various ways, such as "he's hardly a catch is he?" or by commenting that she hopes ds doesn't inherit x feature.

I don't rise to it, but I just thought I'd check that yes actually she is BU. Her behaviour is often so far removed from normality that it's easy to spot but after so many years I sometimes find it helpful to check that I'm still sane myself .

OP posts:

SoleSource · 22/06/2012 19:32

Your Daughters's partner is not good enough for them because you think he/she is ugly?

Words fail.

SoleSource · 22/06/2012 19:34

them instead of her *

Astr0naut · 22/06/2012 19:37

Dh has given me some 'helpful' advice to pass on: tell your mum he's hung like a donkey. She won't bring it up again.

jamdonut · 22/06/2012 19:47

I love my husband, and think he's gorgeous, but oh my, I do loooove Matt Bellamy!

Original poster

Magneto · 22/06/2012 19:50

I would love to do that Astr0naut!

I think there are other reasons she deems dh not good enough for me (namely; he won't humour her behaviour therefore she doesn't like him). But he has never done anything to harm me emotionally or physically. I would have thought she'd be happy for me...

I also get comments about how I have "ran off with the first person who took an interest" as dh was my first boyfriend. Starting to think she really does hate me and isn't just completely obsessed with herself.

OP posts:

yellowraincoat · 22/06/2012 19:50

I like Astronaut's suggestion.

squeakytoy · 22/06/2012 19:57

My mum was always disparaging about the boyfriends I brought home as a teenager, and although I wasnt impressed at the time.. looking back now, she certainly had a point...

One bf was the same height as me, (I am 5ft), had hair like Tina Turner in her Mad Max phase, more make up than me, spandex trousers, pixie boots, and a very high pitched voice.. her face was a picture as he walked through the door.. my Dad actually walked out of the room laughing... and laughed even more when he saw the Robin Reliant parked on the drive...

The first time I took my (now) DH home to meet her, I didnt give her any warning, and she was rendered speechless again.. (I was 32, he was 38) and he had a pierced eyebrow, spikey hair, (although not quite Tina Turner style this time) and a very deep cockney accent - Mum lived in Lancashire and London was a far away place in her world!

She did however like him, and they had a fab relationship, and I think he cried as much as I did when she died.

AThingInYourLife · 22/06/2012 20:03

I don't believe anyone would do this.

Surely?

AThingInYourLife · 22/06/2012 20:06

"One bf was the same height as me, (I am 5ft), had hair like Tina Turner in her Mad Max phase, more make up than me, spandex trousers, pixie boots, and a very high pitched voice.. her face was a picture as he walked through the door.. my Dad actually walked out of the room laughing... and laughed even more when he saw the Robin Reliant parked on the drive... "

He sounds foxy - like a short David Bowie

PorkyandBess · 22/06/2012 20:11

No! Never, and I would be full of admiration as they would have looked beyond the surface.

youcannycallherfanny · 22/06/2012 20:16

Tell her that you don't look at the mantlepiece when you are poking the fire. So to speak.

NoLogo · 22/06/2012 20:18

My MIL (in front of me) with one of her lovely friends were going on about how wonderful DH was and in the end, one of them actually told me how lucky I was. They weren't talking about looks, but about how nice and easy going and sunny DH was.

This does somewhat imply a personality imbalance. I was left smarting (ok, I am an acquired taste, but would not class myself as a total cunt) and debriefed to my best friend of 15 years.

She was vexed at me because of course the best reply in that situation, was, "Yes I know I am lucky because your son is sweet, but he is lucky too: I am a really good fuck". Adjust to context when looks are brought into the matter.

I still have little imagination sessions where I say it out loud to them and imagine their faces and the silence that descends.

ModreB · 22/06/2012 20:24

My DM did this to me all the time, not just about looks but snide comments about clothes, shoes, voice, everything. When I showed her a picture of my now DH of 25 years, she looked at the photo and said in real Hyacinth Bucket tones "You are not going out with that?"

I always ignored her, bearing in mind that every man that she has ever been involved with, including my absent bio father, was a deadleg, knobheaded loser. I decided that my judgement was soooo much better than hers will ever be

squeakytoy · 22/06/2012 20:26

He sounds foxy - like a short David Bowie

sadly not... more weasel like than fox like...

ShellyBoobs · 22/06/2012 21:17

I think it's disgusting.

The person being judged isn't able to choose their looks anymore than they can choose their race or disability.

Would anyone think it was reasonable to say, "you're too good for him; he's in a wheelchair"?

But "you're too good for him; he's ugly" is ok?

Appalling.

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