To expect some kind of help from my OH?

[mumof3littlemonkeys]

A completely self indulgent rant to make me feel better as Im fed up.

37 weeks pregnant; probs with blood pressure; 2 young kids to look after; had a fall a couple of weeks ago which left me barely able to walk for several days and SPD. Thats me at the moment.

So a while ago I started decluttering- sorting stuff for the charity shop and tip etc. I asked my OH to take stuff to the tip/charity shop as I was heavily pregnant and couldnt cope with dragging loads of bin bags with a 4 yr old and 18 month old in a pram. OH said that I should put everything from bin bags into plastic bags and take them to charity shop myself (neither of us drive). I objected and said that he should do his share and help me out. BTW im talking about loads of bin bags like 10+.

Weeks later and after arranging for FIL with car to help nothing has been done. FIL is fab at helping out with stuff and I am grateful that he does help us. The reason FIL and OH have not done any trips to charity shop/tip is because my OH cancelled when they were arranged to go for no reason. I ask my OH to arrange for them to take stuff the next week but again he is trying to get out of it.

I am angry with OH because I have worked hard to sort stuff out and I just want to get sorted before the baby comes so that we can all be comfortable. Im also annoyed as we had agreed to rearrange the bedrooms before baby arrives so that the boys could be more comfortable in a bigger room but after OH said he was not going to help with stuff I admitted defeat and have not been able to move the rooms around. I am now waiting til I can get some help to rearrange the rooms when baby is born.

I'm just soooooooo fed up. No help in the house; waking me up in the night to complain about stuff almost every night- grrrr he just makes me angry and yes my hormones are bad but Im sure I should have some sort of help even if its just little things

bloody hell OP,

1. you are not being self-indulgent, sounds like you have serious problems here
2. is there any chance of finding out what actually might be going on to cause this particularly bad behaviour?
3. Does he work? What is he doing during the days?
4. Have you got bolt hole - your parents or a friend you could go to if needed?
5. Please don't let this go on much longer - one way or another it needs to stop, apart from anything else he is setting a terrible example to your DCs.
6. Unmumsnetty ((hugs)) and a

Honestly have you got somewhere you can go NOW? You are going to be so vulnerable over the next 3 months

Waking you up in the middle of the night to argue and pick at imagined faults, is so horrible anyway, but doing it when you are eight months pregnant ramps it up into 'he is a monster' territory. :(

No offence but if you've been on the verge of leaving him 'many times' and it hasnt been a stable relationship why did you plan another DC with him?

Have a look at women's aid. It doesn't mean you have to go but can tell you what your options are.

My god what an awful man! If he's not going to look after you when you are heavily pregnant with his third child then I don't see what he could possibly do to improve to make up for what he's doing now. I think you should leave with your children and find a better life for you all. Best wishes.

you need to let him sleep on his own in a bed so that you do not disturb him in the night

you need to take responsibility for the extra unwanted stuff in the house

you need to take responsibility fo getting the rooms sorted.

I suggest you send him to sleep elsehere, bag his stuff up and put it outside the front door and get someone who gives a fuck to come and move stuff as he sounds like he is making life more difficult for you. -

We planned another baby as things were going well before. He isnt always like this. It seems to go in waves. Some of the time he is normal and then others he is like this. I think thats why sometimes I find it hard to walk away. Sometimes life is good and other times I am walking on eggshells.

OH works fulltime. I am on maternity leave but planning to leave my job to become a SAHM when mat leave finishes. This is obviously something that I am thinking about as I know that giving up my job will make me more dependent financially etc.

I have always got my mums (300 miles away) and have a few friends locally who we could stay with if needed. I am currently really overdrawn due to one thing and another so I am saving money when I can in my own savings account. I have collected the kids documents, my passport etc so that I have everything that I need. I wont let things go on the way that they have been. I have looked on the women's aid website lots of times.

Thank you for your replies