AIBU to tell my bf he doesn't have time for a gf

[grumpybutgorgeous]

Been with my bf for a couple of months. He has a good job which means sometimes he has to go back in to work for the evening. He also gets calls about work during the weekend. He has a 6year old that he sees part time and does a sport as a hobby which takes up time.
AIBU to tell him that he really doesnt have time for a gf or should i be more supportive of his stressful job and busy life?? He does apologise a lot and come to see me late at night when he's finished but by that time he's tired and wants to crash in bed! I have to admit i do make him feel guilty but i just want to spend some decent quality time with him.

Sounds like you two just aren't compatable, sorry.

Nothing wrong with bringing the subject up, just have it be part of a "so I'm breaking up with you " conversation.

You need to decide if you are prepared to put up with it or if you want a bf that you can have more time with. When you have decided what you want from a relationship, tell him. Then he can decide if he can make that happen or not. If he can't, then it's probably time for you to both move on to people who are more compatible with what you want from a relationship.

Agree with Freddos

Don't make him feel guilty though. He needs to work and to see his child.

The problem is, i like him a lot. I like him more than i've ever liked anyone before and he reckons he feels the same so really want it to work but i cant go on forever coming last in his list of things to do!

You sound a bit demanding to be honest. Give him some space. Do not make him choose because you can't win that one. Be a part of his life but not the whole of it.

Well if you like him, he likes you and it's worth sticking around just tell yourself this

He has a good job
He is a good dad
He has interests/hobbies

Sounds like good grounds for the future and dont forget he was doing all this when you met him so not really fair to try and change him - either find a way to accept this or just move on to someone who can spend more time with you. His job is not negotiable is it, his son definately isnt and everyone is entitled to a hobby.

How much time are you spending together?

The problem is, i like him a lot. I like him more than i've ever liked anyone before and he reckons he feels the same so really want it to work but i cant go on forever coming last in his list of things to do!

Sorry stupid phone just reposted my last msg!!

Well I dont think he can put you in front of his job, he def cant put you in front of his kid....and he will resent you if he has to give his hobby up for you!

Well this week he has been extra busy so i only saw him monday evening and last night he came round at nine ish then we went to bed at ten so hardly saw him. He's working late tonight so i wont see him tonight either. I think the probem is when we got together he wasnt that busy at work so we saw a lot of each other and so i'm strugging now he's really busy.

You say he wasn't so busy at work when you first met him. Maybe you need to have a conversation about his workload and how/why it fluctuates. Are there certain times of year he's busier than others, for example? Then you'll get a feel for whether this is just a phase or whether it's always like this. And then you can see whether it's right for you. It seems like you need to communicate more in any case (though maybe that's difficult if you never see each other!), but don't make demands on him - it's only been a few months and he has a lot of commitments that he must fulfil.

I think everyone gets busier and then quieter at work don't they?

What sort of job do you do yourself? Surely you must have periods like that?

Yeah i have busy times of year in the work i do but i never go back to work in the evenings or take calls out of work hours. I suppose thats why i find it hard to understand.
He just called to say he'll come to mine this evening but he'll go home to his to sleep as he's tired, i'm an early waker!! I just feel like i'm fighting a losing battle!!

What would you like him to give up so he could see more of you?

I know that sounds bitchy and honestly it is not meant in a bitchy way, but in this big long list of things that makes up his life, and with only so many hours in the day - something has to give. What do you think it should be?

if I may be honest, it is my experience that people prioritise and make the time for the things that matter most to them.

Oh god, I sound like the biggest cow on the earth, I hope you accept that my motivation is not to hurt you, but to offer a view on the situation.

Its not that I want him to give up anything. I either have to accept the situation as it is or end it completely. Another thing is that i'm wondering whether he is having second thoughts about our relationship and is using work/everything as an excuse not to see me?! Who knows!

There is nothing wrong with wanting a boyfriend who can spend lots of time with you. That may not be this man. If his job is usually going to be long hours, and this will bother you, then he's not the guy for you.

It's a possibility.

You deserve to be with someone who makes time to be with you. if this man can't do that, then it's entirely reasonable to question whether he's the right person for you.

So you've been with him for 2 months and you're already making him feel guilty about spending time with his child (who will always take precedence over you) and working long hours. I think he would be best shot of you tbh, no matter how much you like each other. Long work hours, child from a different relationship and high-maintenance girlfriend is not a winning combination.

If he only wants to see you late in the evening, and often then home to sleep, you should perhaps consider the possibility that he thinks of you more of a booty call then a girlfriend.
Sorry to be harsh

But on the nights he goes home to sleep, we don't have sex as he's too tired so its not that!! He says he comes round to have snuggles and my company

As you like hime so much perhaps you should focus more on making the time you do have together special rather than wanting more of what's clearly not available.

hime wtf?!- I meant him of course!