To stop stressing about how my kids look when they go off to school

[cuntrybumpkin]

My mum always used to go on at me about looking smart for school, making sure my shirt was tucked in and making me do my tie up, and now I seem to have running battles with my kids over it too and it's becoming a source of stress and conflict.

AIBU to just let them go with loosened ties and if the school have a problem with it then they will sort it out?

They will adjust their clothes on the way to school whatever they look like as they leave the house. Teenagers want to fit in and they want to be comfy. And of course some girls are more interested in the boys than their work.

DD1 says the bathrooms before school are full of girls putting make up on. Obviously their parents don't see any of this.

I think keep up the pressure a bit so standards don't plummet but school will let you know if there is a major problem.

Agree 100% and a bit more with empire. My DD is only 11 so I don't have the make up at school issue. Yet.

I once saw on 'child of the millenium' with Dr Robert Winston, when they were starting school, that the most important thing you can say to your children when they go to school is 'you go to school to learn' and the most important thing you can do for them is make them look nice.

Apparently it is something to do with humans placing more 'value' on people who other people value. So if you look cared for then people will like and care about you more.

Or something.

I worry about mine going to nursery. Some send them in looking like a right old mess. I know they get mucky but they can at least start the day clean! On the other hand others wear expensive JoJo etc clothes to nursery. I'm more of a clean, Boots/Sainsbury's type of mum. When they're in school uniform I know I will want them to leave neat and in cleaned shoes and non-holey tights etc so, am with you OP. I definitely get it from DM too. Same goes for work too - I hate it when people look totally scruffy, it doesn't have to be expensive but at least make the effort to be tidy.

surely its a matter of pride knowing your doing your best as a parent, they might be a mess when they came home but you tried and that says alot.

YANBU. It's good to encourage them to be smart for school, but it's not worth stress and conflict every day if they strop about it.

I find this quite a tricky one actually. My ds is coming up to the end of Y7 at a school that has ties and claims to be strict on discipline and behaviour. And to be fair, they are, but I think they are quite lax when it comes to uniform. I regularly see students with loose ties and top buttons undone, and I feel that if the school isn't going to enforce these things then it almost undermines me when I go on about it being important to be smart.

As my ds has AS and some sensory stuff that goes along with that, I have stopped making him do up his top shirt button as long as his tie is done properly enough to cover it. He finds it uncomfortable otherwise and he has never been told to do itup by school staff. So I figure it's not worth the battle, or his discomfort. But if the school were as strict on uniform as they claim to be, I would probably have spent a fortune trying to find a white shirt that ds is comfortable in while having the top button done up.

My older sister used to roll her knee length skirt up and put make up on at the bus stop. If they are going to do it they will do it, but I will make sure mine at least leave the house adhering to the uniform rules! (disclaimer
Mine are 6 and 7 so I have no experience of teens yet!)

If my kids arrive at school with unpolished shoes - they'll be sent to polish them. Unbuttoned top button/tie sloppy - they will be asked to remedy it before they are allowed to go to class. Basically there is one entrance into school and the staff members on duty check everyone as they get off the bus or out of the car and pull them aside to have a word if uniform isn't up to scratch. Girls wearing make up or nail polish are sent straight to the office to remove it. I love it - I haven't had an argument about uniform in five years, unlike when we lived in the UK.

We have battles about DS brushing his hair...he says he doesnt care whether he looks like worzel gumidge or not! I try my best but sometimes he goes to school looking a bit wind swept!