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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that school have lost the plot over Fathers Day

63 replies

mollyvickers · 21/06/2012 22:01

Have changed name for this. DCs school (infant) did not make Fathers Day cards, so as not to discriminate against children who do not have fathers. This is a new policy- in previous years we have always been presented with lovely Mothers / Fathers days cards.

OP posts:
thekidsrule · 21/06/2012 22:32

YABU im glad this is stopping,and while their at it stop the mothers day cards as well

not all children have a mum/dad about for lots of reasons

im sure we can all make it down to the local card shop th purchase said cards

Staceisace · 21/06/2012 22:50

Not going to lie, my parents split up and my dad wasn't really in my life after that. Certainly not worthy of a father's day card so I'd probably have been upset if everyone else in my class was making a card for their dad when I technically couldn't. I think it's a good idea that the school do that...I guess they could have given the kids the opportunity to make any sort of card they wanted around that time?

BodenBoredom · 21/06/2012 22:52

YABU. There are lots of children with no father. Making Fathers' Day cards isn't an intrinsic part of the curriculum! It's a made-up Hallmark Holiday anyway.

Original poster
mollyvickers · 21/06/2012 22:52

Wow, I didnt realise so many people felt like that about Fathers/ Mothers day. Opinions duly noted. Apart from Narkedraspberry, there is no fiction/ I am not a troll, thank you very much. I have been here a loooong time. Alan Partridge row? Suicidal Mnetter where an ambulance was called? Lemon Drizzle cake?

OP posts:
lottiegb · 21/06/2012 23:08

Fathers' day hadn't been invented or at least popularised when I was a child, only 30 years ago, I have no recollection of being aware of the idea. It is a commercial invention, brought to us by card manufacturers. Mothering Sunday OTOH is a long-standing element of the church calendar.

No harm celebrating the contribution of anyone you like of course but I don't see why schools should impose this.

Original poster
mollyvickers · 21/06/2012 23:15

according to wiki and a couple of other sources it was suggested by a woman, in honour of fathers, her own father, a single parent who raised 6 children. Obviously I can validate this but I can remember being aware of Fathers day from around the late 70 / early 80's.

OP posts:
Original poster
mollyvickers · 21/06/2012 23:16

cant validate...

OP posts:
WinstonWolf · 21/06/2012 23:50

OT: How did I miss an Alan Partridge row? Shock

blibbleflop · 22/06/2012 08:55

If it's the schools policy to do neither Mother's Day nor Father's Day cards then YABU. If they intend to do one without the other then YANBU.

Is it right from the child's perspective to make a card for Mum but then to be told that they don't need to make one for Dad? If the child has no male role model then surely there are other cards they can make, they could even make their mum's another card (I don't think any Mum minds more cards).

Even if 2 parent children are in a minority in the school is it right to deny them just to make the majority feel better?

RandomNumbers · 22/06/2012 08:58

I am sure that you have misunderstood; who told you this?

Father's Day is a commercial construct whereas Mothering Sunday is a religious observance, hence lots of schools celebrating Mother's Day only

Juule · 22/06/2012 10:32

Mothering Sunday was originally an opportunity for girls in service to visit their mother church not their mother. However it usually meant they went home and would take a gift for their mother/family.

It was an Amercan lady who introduced the 'mothers day' we now celebrate.

Original poster
mollyvickers · 22/06/2012 10:39

WinstonWolf - It was a long time ago - a poster wrote something about the murders of prostitutes in ipswich referencing Alan Partridge incorrectly geographically (iirc) ..... cue hard hats and popcorn.

Yes Blibbleflop we did get lovely Mothersday Cards, just none for fathers day. I dont see why they they can't make cards for another special person to them, if they dont have a mother / father etc. I didnt have a father or a significant male role model growing up and fathers day has never made me feel bad.

RandoNumbers most celebrations have been hijacked to make them commercial. A handmade card surely celebrates the spirit of fathersday (or signifiant person for those without) much better than a commerically printed card?

No matter though, as I say I hadn't realised people felt so strongly against them. I have always assumed some children have one of each/no father/ no mother/ no parent/ two of the same/ a couple of each / none* delete as applicable. So there will always be someone that it doesnt strictly apply. Unlike many I dont assume that no father or mother means single parent, divorce or bereavement. There will always be some for whom this doesnt apply but it doesnt mean you cant make a card to celebrate someone. Guess I just love an excuse to celebrate.

OP posts:
Original poster
mollyvickers · 22/06/2012 10:42

Thanks Juule I didnt check the origins of Mothering Sunday.

OP posts:
wheremommagone · 22/06/2012 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 22/06/2012 10:54

Why do we have to have activities connected to a made up day (Fathers Day)?

As it has been said, Mothering Sunday is a religious/bank holiday going back hundreds of years, Fathers day was invented and did not become popular until the late 1970's.

It is no different than Grandparents day, Aids day etc, worthy causes but created and up to indivisuals if they want to mark the day.

Original poster
mollyvickers · 22/06/2012 11:02

Its nice to have a day to celebrate those we love / value/ who have struggled be it parents grandparents, that isnt their birthday.

OP posts:
DeWe · 22/06/2012 11:07

I find it strange that people always leap to the idea that not doing father's day cars is not to offend single mothers.

When I was little we made mothers day cards every year at school, brownies, down at the library... never remember even noticing Fathers' day at all.
Dh says it's a concept dreamt up by Clintons Grin (along with grandparent day, nurses day, give someone random a card because we can charge £2 for it day...)

Original poster
mollyvickers · 22/06/2012 11:18

So do I find is strange DeWe. To be fair I have not been on the board for a while and earlier up the thread I was accused of bashing single parents (Thanks bighariryflowers '....single parent bashing week....'daily mail' dont know if she gets the irony of the 'daily mail' comment). Funny I didnt see any cards for that whilst I was in Tesco Grin, not sure what that is about.

OP posts:
whenitrainsitpours · 22/06/2012 11:37

Making father's day card in school should be fine as many said it is not to discriminate the ones without a dad living at home or not present in their life as they can make a card for someone else they love "grandad" or a friend, etc I always enjoy receiving Mothers day cards made from my daughter and now my two year old at home making some too. So I am sure to banish dad's receiving Fathers day card would not be fair. As others said you can buy from the shop but it is more special when the children can make themselves.

Flobbadobs · 22/06/2012 11:54

In DC's school it's only KS1 that makes cards for Mothers/Fathers day, I assume that KS2 children are trusted to make or buy their own. Doesn't bother us, we don't really bother with it anyway.
FWIW, when I worked in a nursery we would make different kinds of cards for those occasions where it was't appropriate to do mothers or fathers cards.
'I love you' cards were the usual fall back unless we were asked to make something specific like one for Grandparents.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 22/06/2012 12:05

My children didn't make Fathers Day cards at school this year, they did make Mother's Day cards though. Meh! I'm not bothered. Even though I am a single parent I still see it as one of my 'jobs' to do cards and the like with them for their Dad.

The schools job is to teach the children IMO.

Huansagain · 22/06/2012 12:09

Are many Fathers bothered about Fathers Day?

I'm not, and I don't know any who are.

It can disappear as far as I'm concerned.

FedUpOfRain · 22/06/2012 12:13

I work in a primary school and a family of 3 children recently lost their dad. I know this was a factor when choosing whether or not to make cards (they didn't). I like the wonderful women/marvellous men idea though, giving cards to grandparents, other relatives, friends or parents can certainly get most if not all the children involved?

summerflower · 22/06/2012 12:15

Was going to make the point about Mother's day being part of the religious calender, whereas Father's Day is made up by Hallmark.

DD's school (catholic) do stuff for Mother's Day but nothing for Father's Day. She made cards at afterschool through choice for her dad and stepdad. If she hadn't done that, we would have made them at home. DS's nursery made cards for both occasions.

I think it probably just reflects socially who does most of the caring. If men did 50/50 at a societal level (not disputing that there is the odd soul who pulls his weight), then that might help matters. Though this is probably a vicious circle as it is teaching children that mothers are the main carers.

lowfatiscrap12 · 22/06/2012 12:16

my Dad died when I was in primary school and they continued to do Fathers Day cards. It didn't bother me in the slightest. It would have upset me more if they'd brushed all the Dad stuff under the carpet to avoid distressing me. Life goes on. Most kids have Fathers. Some Dads die, some bugger off, (like dh's sperm Dad) but the world carries on. Celebrating Mothers Day at school but ignoring Fathers Day is very wrong.