to quietly drop friend...

[PenguinArmy]

or do I owe her an explanation.

I have kept in touch with an old school friend and catch up when I am in my home town. We live quite different lives but have always been comfortable and for the most poart have honest direct conversations with each other.

A few years she found religion but we have largely ignored that topic as she takes things quite literally. However while meeting at my mothers house my brother and his new boyfriend came home and she made it clear to me how she felt and I feel that I can't reconcile these differences and want to end the friendship.

Do I just drop her on the quiet (facebook is the way I keep in touch with most of my old school friends) or send her a message first.

I think I would be hurt to just be dropped but OTOH explanation messages seem quite attention seeking.

I think it's sometimes worth accepting that you won't change people's minds.

Don't bother entering into a 'this is what you said, this is what I said' thing. Just don't reply. You've done what you wanted to do and you've told her why you're doing it. Don't now try to add to that list by trying to convert her views. It will stress you (and thisdoesn't sound like a friendship you'll miss)

I would tell her that you cannot be friends with a person who has such bigoted views it might make her think about herself. She obviously had no regards for your feelings when telling you her bigoted views in the first place.

If she has now said she believes people have the right to live as they choose, this sounds quite different to your OP. I wouldn't be too quick to drop her. Someone can feel uncomfortable in an abstract sense without having to be "in your face" about it. Perhaps this is her way of climbing down?

Oh dear, and the last thing you want is a back and fro email battle

think you have made your mind up now

losing friends is NOT easy eh

OP: well do you feel that is it solved? It seems a bit weird to give up on a friendship just because you don't want a few emails back and forth...if you value the friendship at all, can't you just say to her what she said and say that you would be uncomfortable if she discussed her church's attitudes to homosexuality with you again, and that you hope you can put this behind you now and look forward to seeing her some time in the future...
or did you want to drop her anyway?

Tell her, your way seems to be cowardly. I have dropped friends and although very difficult have given them an explanation. I have been quietly dropped by friends too and I feel it says more bad about their character than it does about mine.

I'd tell her how you feel about it. Don't just go quietly.

I haven't replied to her yet.

In the initial message I didn't explicitly tell her I wanted to end the friendship, but told her she was welcome to. Said I had planned to but wanted to explain and give her a chance to say her bit. I also made some concessions. Typing the OP I realised I put her in a situation whereby she was forced to say something.

The claiming she didn't say anything, when there were a few comments and obvious visual disgust I find confusing. I think I was prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt but instead of just saying she personally disagreed but respected everyone's right she also went into a few reasons of why she believes homosexuality is wrong.

I wanted to reply saying something that includes these points:

(i) I am sorry you don't recall any comments but I do not want to rehash details.
(ii) While your intention is to not show obvious outward feelings, this is not the reality and maybe something you might want to work on (not sure how to write this without sounding patronising)
but don't know how to then end things?

I honestly don't think I can deal with her a good while but is ending things too certain? Could I say something along the lines of lets see if our paths cross again one day?

I do believe she doesn't want to say things, but I do honestly thing she can't actually resist when the situation arises