To be annoyed with DH tonight?

[Anewstart]

I have been ill lately - gallbladder related - and last night was pretty bad (think crippling stomach pain, back pain, vomiting up til 4am etc) and as a result couldn't make it into to work today. I am going to need surgery and its been scheduled for this week. DH texts me and asks if 'its still ok to go out or would u like me to come home'? He had a previous engagement scheduled with work colleagues for beers after work. He then texts later on to say 'can I stay out longer than 8'. AIBU to think that as I'm not feeling great and we have a 6 month old that perhaps coming home should have been more important than beers and that seeking approval from me via text to stay out and then stay out later was not on?

Yes, I would cancel stuff I didn't have to do that was just for fun while my spouse was feeling ill - isn't that how normal civilised people behave when there's a baby to look after?

For me, when I'm ill but still able to look after the baby and myself - is exactly the time I'd most welcome my partner out having fun - I'm going to be lousy company and I don't think misery loves company - I'm going to be eager to get back out when I'm better so it's good that she's had time when I'm unable. Obviously if I was very ill, or too ill to look after, or even just not fancying it - then I would ask my DP to cancel, or take her up on the offer, but not through default.

OP said she was in "crippling pain" - we're not talking about having a bit of a cold!

"I'm going to be eager to get back out when I'm better so it's good that she's had time when I'm unable"

So your main concern at all times, even when ill, is to maximise your time away from your family on the piss?

Well then it's easy to see why you sympathise with a man behaving like an adolescent and treating his wife like his mother.

YANBU Having been through exactly what you are, I can sympathise OP it's so painful and debilitating.
It was selfish of him to not be there to help you with the baby.

Good luck with your op, hope all goes well and you get some relief xx

Of course it's not AThingInYourLife but equally I would not want my partner to lose their time away, nor would I want to lose my chance to do things outside.

If she was indeed in crippling pain (although I don't get that as she was looking after the baby whilst DP was at work) then she was BU for not telling her husband that, the point is, that either she needed the help - in which case she was unreasonable for not telling her husband that, or she didn't need the help in which case she was unreasonable for expecting him to cancel for no reason.

I don't know if she needed the help or not, if she did then her husband should've been there, but he shouldn't be there unless he knows that.

What you meant when you said "do what you want" was you wanted him to say I'm coming straight home because you've had the baby all day even though you're ill.

He didn't and he's a selfish arse.

He sounds like an arse.

If my wife was that ill and had a 6 month old to look after, I'd be home as soon as I could, previous engagements notwithstanding.

It's so bleeding obvious it shouldn't even need mentioning, surely?

When he asked the first time I replied 'I don't care either way' and the second 'just do whatever you want'.

Most men don't "do" PA mindreading

Why not just text "I'm not feeling too good, can you come home?", it really is a lot easier than playing games and saying one thing in the hope someone will guess you mean something else.

Most men don't "do" PA mindreading

Oh, I wouldn't bet on it.

Oh, I wouldn't bet on it.

Oh I would. Even if they can :o

He knew what she meant, he just didn't care. It's evolution innit? Only the men that understand what "just do whatever you want" have survived this long.

Hehe

Actually I think the question shouldn't even arise in this case - it just seems a caring thing to actually just come home. The pub and the colleagues will still be there next week.

Agreed, Tokamak - he must have known she had surgery scheduled for this week and was in pain, so a kind and reasonable person would just have come home without being asked.

I am not surprised you are upset OP. How can he not realise that you need help? Arse.

Hope your op goes well and you feel right as rain afterwards

"Most men don't "do" PA mindreading"

Yeah, like they don't see dirt.

How convenient for them.

My DH is about as impervious to pa hinting as it's possible to be. I'm not far behind him TBH.

The OP's responses were about as subtle as a kick in the arse.

He knew well she wanted him home. He just didn't give a fuck.

"It's so bleeding obvious it shouldn't even need mentioning, surely?"

You'd think, wouldn't you?

Sorry to hear you are so unwell. But, why wasn't you just honest with him...your being more honest with us and we are strangers! I hope he comes home soon to help you. I wish youa speedy recovery!