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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think I can manage this for a few months?

31 replies

Freddiebump · 20/06/2012 21:53

Until recently, I was doing 2 jobs; one 3 days a week in the week and one 6.5 hours each day at weekends. Hated the Monday to Friday job and have just started a new one which is 37.5 hours, Monday to Friday. This means that ds is in breakfast club before school every day, and after school club until I pick him up. The money is LOADS better, and ds loves breakfast/after school club. We leave the house at 7.45 and get home about 5.45.

However, I am, at the minute, still doing the weekend job. I love doing it, it brings me in around £600 a month, and I really could do with getting the car serviced, replacing a few bits round the house and building up a bit of an emergency fund, so I plan on carrying on as long as I can manage working a 7 day, 50 hour week.

My dad, and a couple of friends, have suggested that I'm not being fair to ds, as he will never see me, but before, my days off were in the week when he was at school, so, yes, I was there to pick him up at 3.30, but I was still out at work all weekend, and he says he doesn't mind, so I can't really see that it's doing any harm. We still get to sit down for dinner together, we do homework together, read a story, watch a bit of tv and take the dog on the park before he goes to bed, and I feel he will benefit more from me having more money to spend on him than he will by having me round at weekends, as he's not used to this anyway. I don't plan on this being forever, but I'm feeling guilty because of the comments off a few people.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/06/2012 21:54

How old is he? Who looks after him at the weekends?

Gumby · 20/06/2012 21:55

You don't say who looks after him at weekends?

DoMeDon · 20/06/2012 21:56

It's not U to want to provide a nice life for your DC and it's not forever. If you were 100% happy with your choice you wouldn't be asking though. I wonder if there is something niggling you about it? For me it would feel I wasn't there enough - due to the weekend commitment. But plenty have to do it and if you feel you have to then it's decision made.

Original poster
Freddiebump · 20/06/2012 21:56

Sorry, he's 6 and his dad has him on Saturdays and my dad on Sundays.

OP posts:
Wheezo · 20/06/2012 21:57

It's not just your DS it's you as well (but yes I think even though DS says he doesn't mind he would probably like having you around at the weekends too) - it sounds gruelling to be honest and the effect of very little down time will start to wear you down.

So I would cost the things you want to do, set a budget and set a deadline. If you love the job though is there no way you can do it for one day at the weekend instead of two?

NeverCleverLand · 20/06/2012 21:57

It all sounded fine, until you said

I feel he will benefit more from me having more money to spend on him than he will by having me round at weekends

That just made me a bit sad

DoMeDon · 20/06/2012 21:58

I bet he's happy seeing his DF and DGF at weekends. Do you get any time for you in there? Sounds knackering.

Jodidi · 20/06/2012 21:58

Is it your dad that looks after him at weekends? I think I would prefer to spend time with my dcs but if you only plan on keeping it up for a short while to build up an emergency fund then I don't see why not. It's rubbish not having the money to fix things when they break or have any treats at all.

Gumby · 20/06/2012 21:58

I feel he will benefit more from me having more money to spend on him than he will by having me round at weekends

That's sad

Are you with his father? Or separated?

Thankgodforcaffeine · 20/06/2012 21:58

It's not like you are being selfish, you will be working very hard in order to be able to afford things for your family.

You are very brave and a caring mum IMO

Wheezo · 20/06/2012 21:58

Ah just seen posts - can you work on just Saturdays?

EverybodysSleepyEyed · 20/06/2012 21:59

Agree with NeverCleverLand

Why do you think that?

Are you sure your ds hasn't said anything to your Dad?

Original poster
Freddiebump · 20/06/2012 21:59

"... as he's not used to this anyway."

What I meant is that it's not like I've suddenly gone from being round every weekend to not being at all. All that's happened really is his school day has go longer; the weekend arrangement hasn't changed one bit, and his dad would probably still have him one day at the weekends anyway as we're seperated.

OP posts:
Dprince · 20/06/2012 21:59

Its only a short while, so no yabu if you are happy. But if it was permanent I would say your as would prefer having you to the money.

Original poster
Freddiebump · 20/06/2012 22:03

I'm planning on 2, maybe 3 months maximum. Just to get a few bills paid and a bit of a safety net behind me. I just feel a bit guilty about the amount of time I'm not home; more so because I've had comments about it.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/06/2012 22:04

We leave the house at 7.45 and get home about 5.45.

You dont leave the dog on it's own all day though do you?

Tabliope · 20/06/2012 22:05

I'd do it but only up to about Christmas. I'd also try and put some of the money towards a holiday for the two of you (if possible) so you'd have a week somewhere fun together. He's with family at the weekend and you in the evenings, it's fine.

Original poster
Freddiebump · 20/06/2012 22:07

Yes I'm planning on booking a holiday. I've got 2 weeks off over summer so want to get away.

What has the dog got to do with this???

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 20/06/2012 22:09

I think ST means it would be cruel to leave a dog in a house alone for 10 hours a day.

DoMeDon · 20/06/2012 22:11

Guilt is a wasted emotion - make your choices for good reasons and be secure in them. An extra long school day and time with extended family are not reasons to feel guilty.

getupgo · 20/06/2012 22:11

I dont think you need to feel guilty

You see your DS in the mornings at breakfast time, you leave at 7.45? that gives you both time together say id you get up at 6 or so, snuggles in bed before getting up etc

then ypu said you pick him up 5 days a week, eat dinner together, walk dog together

plus you bring an extra 600 a mth in from weekend work when he is off getting his male time with his dad and his gd

much respect to you

keep taking iron tablets, look after your energy levels and keep hugging ds, as you prob already do

hats off to you, ignore the comments, you know what is best for now, no one else xx

Original poster
Freddiebump · 20/06/2012 22:12

I have a dog walker, but thanks for your concern :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Freddiebump · 20/06/2012 22:14

Thanks for all the positive responses :)

I will hand my notice in at some point, but we've struggled on the breadline for so flippin' long, it will be a novelty to have some spare cash and actually be able to treat ds sometimes.

OP posts:
MavisGrind · 20/06/2012 22:15

If it were me I'd set an abolute time limit on it. I suspect that otherwise you could get used to having the extra money and would soon see it as essential. If you know it's only for, say, three months then you will only see the extra money as a short term thing and you can look forward to re-establising time with your ds.

As a LP myself I can see the advantages of being able to provide the material things (I have a 6yo ds too!) however no matter how much they seem to have grown up over the last couple of months they still just want to chill out with mum when they can.

Plus, you need a rest too sometimes!

squeakytoy · 20/06/2012 22:17

Thats ok... I wasnt having a go, I often think about changing job and then realise that the furry thing at home would not be happy about it. :)