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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nursery behnaved innapropriately?

31 replies

RichTee · 20/06/2012 20:13

DD is at our local pre-school (ages 2-4). Lately there have been a lot of complaints from parents about the conduct of the staff, ranging from lack of compassion towards the children in their care to inappropriate comments to parents.

Today DD told me that one of the children had broken some headphones ( I assume by accident and they are all pretty well behaved kids). The member of staff who most of teh parents have a problem with then ordered them to tidy up and sit on the mat in silence until someone admitted to breaking the headphones - the child who did must have been terrified, this woman is intimidating to adults let alone children.

I'm not sure how long they sat there, DD says a very long time. I have spoken to the othe rparents who's DC have reported the incident to them and we are all quite shocked, is this UR?

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 20/06/2012 20:17

Doesn't sound like the best way to handle it.

maxpower · 20/06/2012 20:23

No this is not reasonable - report it to the manager. If you're not confident in the care your DC is receiving there, move them if possible.

Original poster
RichTee · 20/06/2012 20:25

Strangely DD seems to mostly enjoy going there, although she has nothing to compare it to.. Starting school in Sep so don't want to move her before then if possible...

OP posts:
Anonymumous · 20/06/2012 20:44

This was a pretty normal ploy from the teachers when I was at school - either one person owns up or you all stay in at playtime etc. etc. I don't have a problem with it personally.

Meglet · 20/06/2012 20:46

Sounds a bit excessive for 2-4 year olds.

Original poster
RichTee · 20/06/2012 20:47

Past a certain age at school fine, I remember this happening in secondary school, but these are 2-4 year olds

OP posts:
SlipperyNipple · 20/06/2012 20:47

Not in nursery though.

Children that young break things....the problem was not supervising them with the headphones.

EightiesChick · 20/06/2012 20:47

Yes, seems a bit much for 2-4 year olds. I remember it in school from about age 7. I would speak to management.

SardineQueen · 20/06/2012 20:51

That does not sound right at all.

I would not be happy about sending a preschooler somewhere, where this was the reaction to something like this. To anything really.

My DD2 is nearly 3 and can't really talk, she would have found this confusing and scary (which is the age appropriate reaction I think).

I guess with only a few weeks to go it seems silly to withdraw her if she seems happy there. But I think you should talk to other parents, talk to the preschool, for the sake of children who are not leaving in a few weeks. Make sure the other parents know this happened and let them make their decisions as to what if anything they want to do about it.

SardineQueen · 20/06/2012 20:53

Oh actually

"Lately there have been a lot of complaints from parents about the conduct of the staff, ranging from lack of compassion towards the children in their care to inappropriate comments to parents."

This isn't a single incident it sounds as if the care in this preschool is substandard / inappropriate. Maybe you can call ofsted or something?

Original poster
RichTee · 20/06/2012 21:00

They have an 'outstanding' ofsted Confused

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/06/2012 21:30

I'm not sure how long they sat there, DD says a very long time

To be fair though, five minutes is a "really really long time" to most kids that age..

skybluepearl · 20/06/2012 21:56

I think that sort of ploy would be fine with a group of 4 year olds as long as they didn't sit on the mat for too long.

SardineQueen · 20/06/2012 22:00

2-4 though
same ages as at DD2 nursery
they are teeny
DD1 is 4, she is at big school, not so weird to imagine it happening there

maples · 20/06/2012 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

accountantsrule · 20/06/2012 22:04

Fine for school (Still a bit lazy IMO) but not pre-school. There is an outstanding pre-school in my area, they treat the children exactly like this and I would never send my children there!

threetequilafloor · 20/06/2012 22:04

YANBU, this is only acceptable at a much older age, poor kids, I wouldn't send mine back tbh.

accountantsrule · 20/06/2012 22:05

You could try the local authority/early years before calling ofsted if you are that unhappy.

littleducks · 20/06/2012 22:06

I wouldn't be happy. For serious incidents they would sit all the children down and would do a circle time about 'admitting to things' etc at ds's nursery. I'm not sure this would warrant that though and sitting in silence is much more scary

StanleyLambchop · 20/06/2012 22:09

Collective punishment at nursery?? Seriously?? YANBU.

Rubirosa · 20/06/2012 22:09

YABU to continue sending a little child to a nursery where staff lack compassion and behaved badly enough for parents to complain. What are you thinking?

exoticfruits · 20/06/2012 22:12

It was completely inappropriate.

SardineQueen · 20/06/2012 22:22

You see this bit " lack of compassion towards the children" really bothers me.

DD2 is at preschool, DD1 went to the same one. The people who work there are affectionate with the children, they pat them on the head and make a fuss of them and pick them up if they are sad. Young children need that warmth I think and I would not be comfortable with a setting where "lack of compassion" was a possibility TBH.

Timandra · 20/06/2012 22:34

This is totally inappropriate for various reasons.

Are they assuming that a child broke the headphones on purpose? If it was an accident the child concerned should not be punished or reprimanded in the first place. If they don't know, which they clearly don't, they have to assume it was not deliberate and act accordingly, in which case what's the point of knowing who did it?

A large proportion of the children are too young to understand the process and may well own up without knowing what they are saying.

It will cause significant anxiety to some of the children who do understand may be quite scared of being in trouble without being guilty.

If it was a deliberate act and they did find out who the culprit was in this way they will be using fear and humiliation which should be against any decent behaviour management policy.

This team need some serious behaviour management training.

Do you have a copy of their behaviour policy? Somebody should get a copy and raise with them the fact that they are not following it.

How have the other complaints been made? If there are serious concerns the parents should be putting the complaints to the staff formally in line with the complaints policy so that the pre-school is obliged to investigate and address the concerns raised. The complaints will also be raised with Ofsted so they will need to have trained their staff better by the next inspection.

exoticfruits · 20/06/2012 22:36

It also doesn't work-I was in that sort of position when I was about 5 yrs-it was a silly thing that possibly someone didn't know they had done and I decided that no one was going to own up so I said it was me. It wasn't!