to not feel ready for mediation with the ex yet

[willzila]

A year ago whilst my son was at nursery a man walks up to me and hads me several court orders saying I am kicked out of my home, banned from seeing my 2 yr old son and have an anti molestation order against my ex. Worst day of my life. This all came after I caught my abusive ex sleeping with another woman. He'd been planning it for a year and by the time I heard about it there was nothing I could do and I think partially down to my shit lawyer versus his amazing lawyer I have lost custody of my son forever. After a year of social services visits, drug tests and psychological assessments testing to see if I was the mentally deranged depressed, child beating crack addict he claimed I was - the result is that, he is a good dad and it would be disruptive to remove my son from the home he knows and his nursery, even though he admitted hitting me on a few occassions. The judge, the social worker and psychologist all found me sane, drug free and said I was a good mum and further more a good person for getting on with it.

Mumsnet. I swear I never hurt my child, took crack or deserved any of this yet everytime I go to the nursery to collect him there is talk, if I ever tell people what happen, its "you must have done SOMETHING". This man has my beloved son. He has destroyed my faith in humanity and made me question the laws in this country. He has broken my heart.

Went to mediation. He asked me to tell him how to parent our child because he doesn't know what he's doing and I was always such a good clued up mum. Admitted that he'd made it all up.

Am I being unreasonable to tell him I'm not ready to mediate just yet. I need some time to recover and he should buggar off.

I love my son. That is why I smile and make nice. Ladies, apparently this happens all the time. Beware.

I am sorry but i have to ask. Why did they find in his favour if they believed you?
As you go to the nursery I assume you have access? What's the mediation for?
If I were you I would suck it up if it means seeing more of your son.

They didn't find in his favour. He went to court in the first instance without me there and said I was a crack addict and beat my son. By the time the lie was uncovered my son had been in his sole care for a year and so it would be unfair on my son to remove his primarily from his estabilished home and nursery, thence upsetting his routine and so he stays where he is. home and nursery is now more important than mum. They do the same if social services removes a child from the family for accusation, family found innocent but child settled in permenant home. Child stays put. Parent can go swim.

This doesn't affect how often I see my child. I never argue with ex in front of DS and am always lovely around him.

Ex is an actual narcissist and is above feeling. The mediators cancelled the sessions because even they thought Ex was weird.

I do everything I can for my son including making nice with my Ex. The Ex's problem is that my son has a high level of aggression towards him and won't do as he says. DS hits and kicks Ex lots but is angel and all affection with everyone else. I shrug my shoulders and says DS (3) is expressing himself is an understandable way.