To think this is a reasonable arrangement?

[LadyInDisguise]

This is an issue re work-home balance.
I am currently self-employed working part-time. I do 2 'long' days when I finish anywhere between 6.00 and 8.00pm and a 'short' day when I finish around 3.00pm, in time for the school pick up.
DH is picking the dcs up on the 2 days I work later, at the end of the after-school club. Each dc has an activity afterwards so he takes the dcs to their respective activities on each day, something I have done for years until I started the business.

I want to carry on developing the business and that means me working more ie doing 3 'long' days instead of two.
DH isn't keen saying that we won't see each other any more. He is out on another day for a hobby and again at the weekend.

AIBU to think it is OK for me to come home around 6.30pm on another day and expect DH to pick up the dcs at 5.30?

I think you're being unreasonable to 'expect' your husband to blithely go along with you if he's concerned - you should persuade him of the benefits of doing things your way, not nag him into it.

Oh I am not going to nag. Not sure why you thought I had or was going to .

If my DH is away for work (as he has been for 6 years until recently), he has always expected me to look after the dcs, pick them up etc...
I was expecting that that sort of arrangement goes both ways. He was away with work several days a week, I looked after the dcs.
I am now developing my business and someone needs to pick up the dcs at the after school club. I would expect him to do so in the same way that I did it for him?

Did you tell him that?

Not directly. Experience is telling me that being direct and confrontational in his eyes isn't going to get me anywhere.

I really don't get the 'we won't see each other' when he is the one who is out for his hobbies, always has been and I am the one to forgo my own hobbies so that we can have together as a family.

Being back home at that sort of time 3 times a week isn't too bad surely?

Of course it isn't. It's not like you're asking him to do something heroic - it's only looking after his own children ffs! Plus you're doing it to grow your business, so it's not even frivolous (not that it would matter if it were).

Coming home at 6:30 on the extra day isn't exactly late either - surely you'll have the entire evening with your DH?

Thanks :)

There are times when I start to wonder if my expectations are completely out of order.
I do know that quite a few parents do go back home at that sort of time every day or the week. That's work for you.

But having being a SAHM, always there for the dcs etc... everyone, incl me, has dot used to the idea that no one else can do the pick up etc...

Time for a change esp as I really want to regain my financial independence.

So do you think it's just a case of fear of change and difficulty with the roles you've both fallen into?

I think perhaps you both need to sit down and have a sensible discussion about the work/childcare balance.

I work full time atm and am the main breadwinner. DH has decided (mutual agreement) to scale back and does the lions share of the childcare and housey stuff. Occasionally I will leave work early by going in early or skipping my lunch to assist with the kids if needed, ie it's easier for me to take one child to the doctor, then for him to have to go with them all. That has to be occasional though, I can't do that all the time as my role doesn't allow it.

When DH is ready to go back to work, whatever he does will need to fit around my role - I would be pretty hacked off he if expected me to quit my job or reduce my hours as I have worked hard to get where I am and have had to to support the family as well. I'm not saying it would not be up for discussion but we would need to have a sensible conversation with no assumptions.

Does DH picking the kids up mean he has to leave work early or be strict about leaving on time when he feels he needs to be able to stay later sometimes if the job dictates that - is that his issue?

If he finishes at that time anyway but just cba to collect the DC then he is being totally unreasonable however!

Talk to him about what you need and if he is unhappy about what suggestions he has to offer. Often the first thing you try doesn't work but with a few tweaks I'm sure you can agree something that works for everyone

I meant when DH is ready to go back to work FULL TIME! (long day!!)

Hmmmm, not sure the OP should have to 'persuade' her husband to let her work more. If it was a man posting I doubt they would be told they'd have to persuade their wife to let them do more hours.

If it was a man posting they'd be ripped apart for expecting his partner to accommodate his unilateral decision.

posting he'd be

I'm not too sure he would be tbh, ecclesvet

He can always give up his hobbies if it means that much, but it sounds like that isn't the issue!

Do you not see each other every evening/night after work?

Is he genuinely bothered that you'll see each other less (can't see how it makes much difference TBH), or is he worried that family life is starting to impact on his hobby time?

YANBU to extend your hours. If your DH's work arrangements can accommodate him picking them up on the extra day then it's reasonable for him to do it. If his work hours cannot be changed, then a childminder may be a better option.

Is a 4th short day rather than a later finish possible for you, with both of you sharing any extra household tasks resulting from this?