To say DS is behind with his writing?

[AugustMoon]

Basically, yesterday, DS1, 9, yr 4, had to write in his journal for a project and I spotted that on each page DH had written the days of the week to 'help' him. DS has mild/moderate ADHD which means he struggles to stay on task and he finds writing particularly difficult. He's making progress but is a long way off where he should be despite being bright and having good reading level.
So I say to DH, 'you should have encouraged him to write the days of the week, it's doesn't help to do it for him when he's already behind with his writing', this in front of DS. To which DH says 'what's wrong with you? You're breaking his spirit. Just because your Mum was a bitch to you doesn't mean you should treat your son like this'. I was really taken aback by this and re-iterated he is behind with his writing and went into the kitchen as DS was now crying and I felt sooo bad for having upset him even though I do sort of think there's no point hiding from the fact... But WIBU? I'm 33 wks pg, bit hormonal, maybe judgement is off, maybe I came across as harsh...? Feel v guilty and gave DS a big hug a few mins later - didn't say anything about his writing... Just told him I love him. Sorry if a but rambling - on phone. Thx

Well yes you were right that it doesn't help to do it for him but YWBU to say that in front of him. It's one comment and I'm sure it'll all blow over. Children generally (don't know about your son because don't know enough about his ADHD) aren't stupid and are well aware if they are behind anyway, they don't need to be told by their parents.

You shouldn't have said it in front of your DS, but your DH shouldn't have spoken to you like that in front of DS either. Next time have a quiet word with DH out of DS's earshot if you think something should be different, but try to remember your DH's opinion of how to help DS is just as valid as yours, it's important to maintain a united front in front of DS though so he doesn't get confused by you telling him different things. Don't beat yourself up about it though, it's easily done.

Yes I agree with MrsCarrie. My DS (9 - year 5) is a tiny bit behind with writing but catching up fast and he has very low self esteem. I would never say in front of him anything about him being behind, I just encourage him, praise him and try and pick up on all the positives.

Your DH seems to have the right attitude by being encouraging.

I would say you were right in that your dh shouldn't have done it for him. But you should not have mentioned it in front of your son.

Your husband was doing his best to encourage your son, so what if he wrote the days down for him as there is still plenty of work doing a journal that your son had left to do.

Your DH only wrote the days of the week for him he didn't write everything. DD3 is dyspraxic and has other mild learning difficulties. When she was 9 I would do the same as your DH and the school actually agreed it was a good idea to help her a bit. That way she was able to concentrate and stay on task a bit more if I had just insisted she wrote it all I would have had a very upset stressed child. You should not have said it in front of your DS. DD3 is now 20 and doing a BTECH extended diploma in IT. Helping her along the way by doing some stuff for her encoraged her to keep going.

Ok. Comments taken on board. I think DH might have been right about my DM! She used to say much worse things. Hmm
So should I apologise to DH?

Yes apolagise to your DH and to DS. Tell your DS parents get things wrong sometimes.

I doubt you are like your mother, but I don't think you should of said anything in front of DC. Just make sure no repeats are made and I am certain he will forget about this one off.

Horace I have thought about it tbh, I do think he has dyslexia - his reading for example is good but he can't read aloud. I'm getting more and more worried about how it will effect his potential - he's good at maths and loves science, he's creative and extremely logical. Destined to do great stuff (mummy thinks ) but this could really hold him back and it's a concern. How would I go about getting assessment for dyslexia - I do think the school have overlooked the possibility because of the dx of ADHD. Thx

Ok. Apologised to DH and will speak to DS after school - without making a big deal of it, just say Mummy was wrong to say that and he's doing great.