To have been sidelined by my friend now her daughter's started school?

[Birdspa]

I have a friend who I used to see a lot of, even go on holiday with. Her daughter started school in September and, ever since, she's got no time for me (and my pre-school kids). She told me she's busy with new mums and doesn't like to turn any invitations down for fear of missing out. I gently told her that I've felt a bit hurt and I miss her. She said she was sorry and seemed genuinely so, but there's been no change. Maybe she's just not the friend I thought she was. To spare my feelings further, I'm best to just put my efforts into my reliable, true friends, aren't I?

Yes, I would just leave it now and wait for her to contact you, some friendships don't last a lifetime, it;s just the way it goes, it can be hard when this happens to you, try not to let it get to you though.

Not much more you can do really, balls in her court.

Maybe she's over-anxious about her DD making friends or school gate stuff?

Some people seem to glide through life meeting new friends and letting the others go at every stage in their life work/babies/school etc.

I try to hang onto my friends but am always open to making more. Never quite understand how some people can't be bothered.

I think this happens a lot to be honest, but I think you need to see it for what it is and try not to take it personally.

Many of us have friendships that wouldn't exist if our children weren't at the same stage in their lives at the same time, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that really. I know I have friends who I was very close to when our children were little and we saw each other or were on the phone daily, but as the dc grow up and our routines change the friendships drift. They are still lovely friends, it's just that day to day lives change and priorities change too.

It's the whole 'friends are friends for a season a reason or a lifetime' thing.

I'm sorry to say it, but my DD starts school this September and I'm seeing it as a seismic shift in my mum-friendships. I think it's to be expected.

Thanks guys. I totally understand her need to make new friends but I guess I would have hoped it wouldn't be at the cost of old ones. Thanks Outraged for your pragmatic view. I guess I just need to redefine the friendship.

Birdspa, I think the way your friend has treated you is disgusting. There is no reason why she cannot continue her established friendships while making new ones.

If it makes you feel any better, there will be those among her 'new' friends who will simply be looking for mates for their DC and a selection of babysitters. She will be good for making up the numbers on a night out, or to have a coffee with. Some of those mums will already have formed a friendship group before their DC started school, sometimes from when the DC were born and these can be quite hard to become part of.

I think taking a step back and enjoying your good friends is the way forwards. Also if it were me I wouldn't be too eager to do her any favours if she had the cheek to ask.

Birds - what a shame - well for your friend anyway, she is mad to give up solid good friendships for the new mums at school - she will learn.

I found when DS was in reception and maybe year 1 it was a mad whirl of making new mum friends, arranging the kids social diaries, play dates etc etc - by year 2 the novelty completely wears off, the fallings out begin....that was around the stage I went back to work full time so I no longer had to do the school run, complete the with playground mums, lol........

I agree with girly - just step back from her and let her get on with it.

I think starting school is a massively disruptive time. I found it incredibly stressful when my DS1 started.

I had twins and found this limits your horizons a lot. I still have a lot of mums I call friends, but we don't get to see each other anything like as much as we might. We still get on and message on FB etc, its just less actually meeting. Sometimes meet them in the street and are so glad to actually get a moment to chat... This has been my life since having twins...

I also have old friends I would consider very close indeed that I see once or twice a year at most. We text short messages occasionally - we know we are there, and when we do meet we key back into our old relationships...

I don't necessarily think she's not your friend anymore, just moving into a new phase of her life, which you will enter soon too. Cut her some slack as it is important to get to know your kid's school friends and parents. You will still be in her circle of mum friends as well I am sure. In terms of actually spending time with her, then, yes, you may have to accept that life has changed for her.