AIBU to be really upset about this?

[Lickitysplit]

Ok, I am a size 10 (about 5ft 3inches, 9.8stone), I have always been very slim, but after two kids and due to my love of food/wine I have put on some weight this year. This all sits on my tummy area, and it does look pretty round. Today a man congratulated me on being pregnant. I still can't stop thinking about it. :(

I feel your pain. I have 2 dc and a bit of an belly. A friend came up to me, I hadn't seen her for a while. She said 'oh, you are expecting again. Congratulations'. I said, 'no I'm not I'm just fat!'. I laughed it off.

But I was really upset and cried for the rest of the day. People can be really insensitive but don't let it ruin your day.

No, of course YANBU! Height of rudeness on his part (OK, he may have been trying to be nice but everyone knows that you don't comment/congratulate until you KNOW for certain that someone is pg!)

YANBU!

I saw once of DS's old teachers in a shop a couple of months ago....she was wearing one of those maternity type tops and honestly looked like she was a month or so away from giving birth.

I said congratulations.....she looked at me all confused and I just wanted to die ..I think I wormed my way out of it, well I hope I did and I was worried she would go home upset.

I will never ever congratulate anyone again unless i am 150% they are actually pregnant.

This happened to me a lot when I lost a bit of weight- I think because I was skinny everywhere but still had the tummy. I cried and cried and cried, and my husband threatened to go out and give the woman who'd made the mistake a piece of his mind.

YANBU.

A work colleague once said it to me and I spent the next several months on a very strict diet. To add insult to injury, we were ttc at the time.

I finally got some perspective on it in a very sudden and sad way when the aforementioned colleague dropped dead. It turned out he was an alcoholic. He had probably lacked the control to stop himself from saying it to me.

FWIW, I am similar height/weight to you, OP.

Fucking hell, I'm 15 stone and look about 6 months gone. Nobodys ever told me so though! I hope you told the cheeky git to piss off!

I would laugh and say "oh no, my tummy is just a bit big at the moment", I wouldn't be worrying if I were you, you're size 10!

Also, it's said with good intentions It's not as if someone has said
"Cor, you're looking fat". Having said that, it's best not to comment on people's appearance if you don't know what their situation is.

I agree Kitty - when I said congratulations I wasnt being mean, she REALLY REALLY looked pregnant!! I would hate to think she was upset, would hate for her to think I was being bitchy and said it on purpose - sometimes peoples tongues go quicker than their brains.

How is he a cheeky git?

What if he genuinely thought she was pregnant?

I very nearly made this mistake myself with a Mum in the school playground but something in the back of my head told me to 'check'.

So I asked if she was having any more children and she said, "No, my DH had a vasectomy 3 years ago"

Pheww

its not mean, people don't do it if they think you look borderline, they only do it if they are pretty sure you are.

I've had it happen to me, I don't think the people who did it were mean.

I also had neighbours NOT comment on my HUGE HUGE HUGE 9 mth pregnant baby just incase I really was that fat which I somehow found more insulting/strange than the times when people have said congrats when I wasn't pregnant! (because they obviously discussed it and decided between them that I was likely to have gained that much weight!)

I don't think people can win really, they are not being mean but they just don't think before they speak some times. I avoid saying anything unless I actually KNOW they are pregnant as I have seen it happen and it is sooooo embarrassing as well as upsetting for the person.

At the end of the day you have admitted that you have a tummy so its not like they were intentionally rude to you!

I've also learnt the hard way, never to congratulate 'Grand parents' on the birth of their Grand children.

It normally ends with a death stare and the awkward moment when you realise they're actually the baby's parents

I've had this in the past, I console myself think it is because I'm actually quite slim everywhere else and due to lack of exercise my stomach muscles are fucked.

In the morning I look 2 months pregnant, by 7 pm I look 7 months!

Worra I've nearly done that at play groups! some mums really do look/act more like grandparents don't they?

Yep monkey it's difficult because on the one hand you have some 19/20yr old parents there and on the other hand you have some parents in their early 40's.

I just compliment the baby now and leave the dynamics out of it

They looked a lot older than 40 to me

so now I always ask "what's her/his name" "how old is he/she" NOT "what's your granddaugher called?"!

YANBU it's horrible and upsetting!

I'm 20weeks pregnant and was in a que for an ice cream van and a complete randum stranger that I wasn't even talking to said to me "erm dont you think you've ate to many of them love" I didn't no what to say or do must of just starred at him with my jaw on the floor!

When I was pregnant with DS there was a group for pregnant women running in our local health centre, since I was new to the area ad desperately wanted to make friends I signed up. I am normally very shy so had decided that I would try and be outgoing and chat to everyone there to try and make some friends.

Once I got there I plucked up the courage and went up to the nearest lady, who looked like she was weeks away from the birth, and made a comment about her not having long left at all. She was the mother of one of the pregnant women there and wasn't pregnant. I was mortified [embarrassed] and still cringe when I think about it.

So maybe this man will be up late tonight in bed not being able to sleep because he can't stop thinking 'why did I say that?!?'.

You should have asked if he wanted crushed nuts...

aww PP I'ld have thought I'ld have been safe to comment in a bump group too! that is VERY unfortunate!

Never happened to me Worra but totally agree - I always say 'son/daughter' to people I think probably are GPs and wait to be laughingly corrected...

OP it's an arse when you are the kind of person who is skinny everywhere except on the tummy - a small positive is that if you were fat all over people would just think you fat (like me) and not say anything (except for NervousAt20's tit of a stranger).

Do you think it will be the catalyst for you to want to change/tone up your tummy?

When I was buying some maternity clothes (at 22wks with no bump!) the sales assistant asked 'Are these for you?', which although isn't going to be useful in everday situations, I thought it was an easy inoffensive way to find out if I were dumpy or up duffed.

Pedantic, I made the same mistake in the Midwives waiting room before, 40-ish yr old woman..who was waiting for her teen/just older daughter to come out of the loo.

*

Worra I purposely say the opposite with older women and little ones especially when they look like the grandparents.
I refer to the child as their DD or DS. 8/10 times they preen because they think they must look so young and say 'oh no, he/she is my Grandchild' at which point I reply 'oh gosh, sorry...' when they do turn out to be an older parent, all is well!