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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need help dealing with family and to be told if I am being unreasonable

19 replies

Louboo2245 · 18/06/2012 21:14

So 2 years ago my PIL bought a house for DH & I to live in with our 2 children (We pay them rent) When they purchased the house it had to be taken back to the brick and everything (and I mean everything) needed doing. I put up the money left to me by my grandparents to pay for the bulk of the work.

My BIL did most of the building and plastering work and at the time I asked him about money for the work but was told that we'd sort it out later. After 3 months of hard work he gave us a price and we paid him (apparently this was for materials)

Now 2 long years have past and my BIL who is self employed has fallen through a roof and broken his leg. So I know he is going through a rough time esp as his partner has just given birth. So we asked him to give us a quote for the fencing to the back of our property (the funding coming from my parents) When he delivered the quote to my DH he also dropped into the conversation that we owe him £500 for the labour on the work he did originally in the house.

Thankfully I was out at the time of the phone call as when DH told me I went ape sh*t. Now I don't mind that he wants paying for labour, but it pisses me off he's waited 2 years to tell us!

I have spoken to my mum who is willing to lend us the 500 to pay him off and I can pay her back in instalments, but this means foregoing my fence (which I REALLY wanted) though in saying that after this I don't think I want him doing any work for us.

Am I BU?

OP posts:

lovebunny · 18/06/2012 21:20

no, you're not.
i'm a bit concerned about this situation. your in-laws own the house and you are paying for all the work? that doesn't sound right. when they throw you out (worst case scenario) how do you get your investment back? i think this needs putting on a proper footing.

MsVestibule · 18/06/2012 21:21

What a bizarre, unsettling set up for you and your family. Do you have a formal rent agreement? Are you paying market rate? Were you asked to pay for the renovations? If you choose to move out, will you get the money back?

To answer your question, no, YANBU to be annoyed at being asked to pay £500 now. I would honestly refuse to pay it, especially as it's not even your house. Tell him to ask the homeowner for his money.

DashingRedhead · 18/06/2012 21:22

What lovebunny said - alarm bells ringing.

Original poster

Louboo2245 · 18/06/2012 21:24

The house was bought with the understanding that when we could afford to we would get a mortgage and buy the house from them, until then we pay rent (slightly less than the going rent) which is why I put up the money for the refurb (that way I can do as I please)
I have no issues with the PIL. Just with this one thing with BIL who I usually get on well with. I don't want to cause waves esp as there are other issues within the family right now (MIL is going for brain surgery next week).

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 18/06/2012 21:27

He's too late and using you as sick pay. Tell him to fuck off.

cluelessnchaos · 18/06/2012 21:29

So you are increasing the value if the house in the meantime. Will you be paying your in laws what they paid or the market value?

LindyHemming · 18/06/2012 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

igggi · 18/06/2012 21:30

When you're able to buy the house off them, I assume it will need to be valued for mortgage purposes? And it will have a higher value because of the work you've done on it and funded yourself. All a bit complicated/dodgy really.

igggi · 18/06/2012 21:31

Cross post with Clueless

Original poster

Louboo2245 · 18/06/2012 21:34

We will be paying what PIL paid.

This a reoccurring theme with all my inlaws. I ask about money and they are vague about it and it takes some serious pinning down to get a straight answer.

At the time I thought we were straight and to be honest my DH dealt with most of it, so it may an oversight on my part as usually I demand to know before it happens as we live so close the bread line I can't afford cock ups like this.

DH seems to think he was trying to help us out by not charging us at the time, as we were due to get married a month after we completed the work. But I would have prepared the I know you're skint so you don't have to pay right now but this is how much you will owe me.

OP posts:

GravyHadALumpyMashBaby · 18/06/2012 21:35

Is it too late to get some sort of formal legal agrrement done with PIL to protect your investment??
I'd focus on that not the £500 TBH. (But BIL is indeed being unfair if he said he just wanted materials paying for until he needed cash.)

skybluepearl · 18/06/2012 21:35

I would pay it but say that in the future you would need to pay all costs straight away as it's hard for you to find the funds otherwise.

AltruisticEnigma · 18/06/2012 21:37

How come you didn't ask him about the labour at the time? If he quoted you a price then, he couldn't go back on it.

I imagine though at the time you just wanted to get the initial stuff done. I'd just pay him the money and then just don't get him to do any more work on your house - that way you wont be told of some price that you owe someone!

mathanxiety · 18/06/2012 21:37

This sounds like an unwise arrangement, as you put up the money to pay for the gutting of the house you don't own, presumably adding to the value for the owners. Do you have any way of recouping your money if the house is ever sold or better still making a bit if the house appreciates as a result of the transformation?

How much money did you put up?
How much did your BIL charge at the time for materials, etc?

TBH, 500 quid for three months construction work is very, very little and I would be inclined to pay it, first of all because you knew this bill would come due some day and secondly because he is disabled now and has just added to his family (though he should have workers comp if the injury happened on a job) but I would only pay it back after settling the more important question of your investment and what you are likely to get back out of it if the house is sold. If you are getting nothing back then the owners should pay or the labour.

Never wise to mix family and money

Original poster

Louboo2245 · 18/06/2012 21:40

I will pay and to be honest what I worried about is the long run picture. I will get my fence eventually and when I get the money together I don't want him doing the work as a result of this. Though when the time comes I guarantee I will be made to look like a spiteful little bitch.

My arrangement with the PIL doesn't bother me. I know it is not formal, but I don't think for a second think they would screw me over, let alone my DH. They have done a lot for us and so don't want to seem ungrateful or that I don't trust them

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 18/06/2012 21:40

Sorry, started typing then got up and made some tea and by the time I posted things had moved along...

Original poster

Louboo2245 · 18/06/2012 21:42

I thought at the time we were straight math As I said it may just be an oversight on my part, though strange as I am usually very much on top of any monitory situation.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 18/06/2012 21:45

You need to make it formal.

You don't know what they might do, esp if one or both ended up with dementia and had no power of attorney, were in grave need of funds for healthcare or nursing home care for instance, died in a car accident without making a will, got a lien slapped on their property by someone else, took out an unwise loan and used the house as collateral, got mixed up in a cult or sent a fortune to scammers in Nigeria...

It's really important that they have a will and power of attorney sorted out in the event of illness/dementia.

travailtotravel · 18/06/2012 21:47

I'd be worried too about the arrangement. You might not have a choice if you're getting a mortgage about the rate you pay. You say you'll pay what your PIL's paid - you've done work and put the value up. The house value is what the mgge co will go on. Or property prices have done a slide since your PIL's bought it, so if you got a mgge co to give you what they paid you'd have negative equity ... if you could get them to give you a mgge on that basis anyway.

Sorry, but this needs putting on a firm footing, otherwise your BIL and his new baby will be moving in with you if his business goes under because of his foot and the new baby ...

Flip