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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find parenting so damn hard??

45 replies

ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 18/06/2012 20:09

I'm really struggling at the moment. I have an 18 month old DD and this past couple of weeks she's been a nightmare. She seems so angry and frustrated. She's learning to talk and we had some communication/frustration issues a few months ago. I came here (well not AIBU, but this site) for advice and followed it and things seemed to get better for a while.

We've all had a cold (nasty sore throaty one) but I KNOW she's over this now and I just feel helpless. She's spent literally all day today screaming at me and having wild thrashing tantrums. Nothing I do is good enough. I've played games with her, taken her for walks, she's eaten and slept well. I've been on my own today as DH has work (new job) and I'm really struggling to cope with her. He's working again tomorrow and if it's like today I don't know how I'll manage.

Sorry I'm being silly...I see women cope with far more children and children with SEN and they are admirable...I don't know how they do it.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 18/06/2012 20:12

YANBU. Parenting is wearing and quite often horrible, especially when they are small. And the fact that one loves them makes it even harder. Like fish-hooks in the brain - you want to run far, far away and yet you can't.

Get through tomorrow. This too will pass.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2012 20:17

I have a gorgeous nightmare 18 mo too. I found signing really helped with the communication frustrations. Probably too late now but teaching her the signs for water, food, help and some others meant that she didn't need to scream as much. Your DD eats, she sleeps Envy this too will pass.

MammaTJ · 18/06/2012 20:21

Re the communication, have you tried a bit of sign language for the basics? Not sure if this was suggested previously. Toddlers main frustration is they know very certainly what they want but not how to tell you. You can find mother and baby classes in some areas. Not here though, the ends of the earth. I did go to an adult signing class and my DCs learnt a lot at toddler groups.

Kids are a nightmare, they do push us to our limits. My 6 yr old is doing so atm!!

Original poster
ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 18/06/2012 20:22

Well when I say slept "well" I mean for her. She still doesn't sleep through and every other night she's in my bed normally. Her naps are normally pretty good though, and I do understand some people have it far worse.

People on here suggested signs last time I asked for help and we have managed to create our own proto-sign-and-simple-word type of language for a lot of things, which has helped and she was starting to get much better. But I feel like we've gone backwards now. She's learning new words all the time, but she seems so ANGRY. She has a tub of little toys (farm animals etc) and at least 50 times a day she has to pass me everything out of the tub one by one and I have to say the word and she tries to copy. She loves it and I don't mind doing it (honestly) but I feel I'm going slightly insane.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 18/06/2012 20:23

She did almost say "elephant" earlier though (PMM)...it sounded more like "EH-Feeeeee" but it did make me smile.

OP posts:
PoppyWearer · 18/06/2012 20:25

YANBU. Hardest job in the world, and after 18 years you get your P45.

Take one day at a time. Wine

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2012 20:25

It's hard. I find focusing on the smiley things helps. That would be your elephant. I am very proud that DD can say tea. As in, "Mummy's tea, hot, don't touch Mummy's tea, hot, not for babies, hot" and repeat. DD is angry all the time too, it is because they are geniuses and so on.

choceyes · 18/06/2012 20:28

Yanbu. Parenting is very hard. I have two small ones and it is hard work most of the time. I prefer the preschool age myself - they are much more interesting and more independent.

Original poster
ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 18/06/2012 20:29

DD says "tea" as well. She does think every drink is "tea" though. Thanks for your kind words everyone. Whenever I look at other mums they seem so...capable... I just feel a failure in comparison because I find it so hard. That said my friend has two teenagers and I DON'T envy her one bit. I have all that fun to come.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/06/2012 20:32

Learn this phrase :

"It's a phase"

Repeat, over and over, at regular intervals for the next 20(ish) years.
You will get there. You will survive. In time, you will forget this stage.

LucieMay · 18/06/2012 20:32

Yanbu :-)

lovebunny · 18/06/2012 20:35

parenting is hard even when they're grown up and parents themselves.

curiositykitten · 18/06/2012 20:37

It is so, so tough, that's why no-one has all the answers. I have a 4 and 7 year old and struggle to get through every day. I resent myself for wishing the days away but long for a time when it gets easier. The fact that my 4 year old still doesn't sleep through the night probably doesn't help.

Have one of these Brew

EMS23 · 18/06/2012 20:42

I went to work today and my DH stayed at home with our 18 month old. I was relieved to have a really shitty work day compared to the day of tantrums my DH endured! You are not alone.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2012 20:47

Never compare the inside of your life with the outside of other people's. I make it look much less hard than I find it. The truth is reserved for my mum and on here.

HipHopOpotomus · 18/06/2012 20:49

Ah yes! DD 2 is 13 months, highly mobile, fearless and is excellent at tantrums. Dd1 had about 4 mild toddler tantrums in total so it's a shock. (I'm having to relearn how to laugh on the inside cause it's a wonderful horror really.)

Next 12 months are going to be full on. It can be tough at times. That's ok - the soft sleepy hair sniffing puts everything right (mostly)

CrapBag · 18/06/2012 20:52

YADNBU!!!

I have a 4 year old and a 16 month old. The 16 month old is a dream at the moment. My 4 year old used to be very laid back and brilliant. 'Terrible twos' were nothing too bad - then the 3's hit! We have peaks and troughs wrt to behaviour/attitude etc. Sometimes he really is an angel and a model child. Gets praised for his lovely manners, willingness to help out unasked etc. Then he bloody ignore me for the millionth time/snatches off his sister/plays up at the group I go to for DD and I wonder if I imagine the lovely child that sometimes pops up.

Having a right time of it at the moment and I too keep wishing time away and for a time when it gets better. I must say I am most discouraged to read that someone has a 4 and 7 year old and are still saying the same! Wink Does that mean it never actually gets better? Confused

fullofregrets · 18/06/2012 21:00

It's very mundane and mostly thankless.
Also it isn't like a job where you get praise if you are doing it well. You get a grumpy toddler regardless of what you do.
I found the first 18 months or so pretty tough. It started to improve around two. Now DS is my little buddy and we mostly have a great time. He still frustrated me sometimes and is unable to play on his own for more than one minute which is a bit trying, but generally he is way more fun than he was even a year ago. He is just three by the way. Still doesn't sleep through the night though.

It will get better, I just used to repeat 'this too shall pass.' And sometimes I think I expected too much of DS. Id do things with him and be would be moany and I would feel sad and cross but he was just still a bit little.

dribbleface · 18/06/2012 21:04

it's so bloody hard. i have a friend with 2 ds's like me except she's 3 years on. i used to think she was the perfect mum, so in control etc, i broke down once after a particularly bad day with Ds1 and she shared some of her own bad moments, i was amazed as she looked like she had it all so sorted. tomorrow's another day!

NapaCab · 18/06/2012 21:05

Yep, I had DS scream at me for most of today as well (he's 8 months). I just have a lot to do today - calling banks / utilities / doctors, general housework and admin - and so I can't spend as much time playing with him so he's angry at me. It doesn't seem to matter that most days I DO play with him all the time!

Friends with older kids tell me that they long for the baby days because 'at least they slept then' or were more portable. Maybe that's true but surely a 3 /4 year old who's toilet-trained and can play on his own and ride a trike instead of being carried / pushed in a stroller (son of the friend who made the comment above) is a hell of a lot less work?? Surely?? Please someone tell me that's the case or I'm going to have to just try to go back to work full-time and hire a nanny. At least then a trained professional will be doing this job and not an amateur like me who loses her temper and gets exhausted....Hmm

dribbleface · 18/06/2012 21:06

my mum says parenting is hard because you just want to make everything nice for them but sometimes they just want to scream!

dribbleface · 18/06/2012 21:09

I'll let you into a secret, I'm one of those calm professionals, totally different with your own! also have an 8 month old and i found the baby stuff hardest, but remember your friends are looking back through rose tinted spec's!

offswitchneededforbrain · 18/06/2012 21:09

I am finding it particularly hard at the moment, my dc is 2.5 and is really pushing my buttons. I find that if I have had enough sleep I am generally a bit more patient but it is still bloody hard. The worst bit at the moment is the pinning her down to brush her teeth whilst she screams/cries-heartbreaking for all involved. Don't get me started on getting her dressed or trying to get her in her car seat....I really really did not want to be a snouty parent but right now, I am :( I feel your pain!

offswitchneededforbrain · 18/06/2012 21:10

shouty, not snouty..... :o

Lastyearsmodel · 18/06/2012 21:16

I have 3 under 6. Today I had all 3 screaming by 7.45am. As well as all the excellent advice on here and MN in general, I find doing something I want to do (drink really nice coffee) dressed up as something the kids like (feeding the ducks, going on the free soft play at the local shopping centre) gets me through some tough days. I have spent a lot of time and Child Benefit in cafes in the last 6 years.

That line above about not comparing the inside of your life with the outside of another's is brilliant.