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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my DM doesn't trust me?

42 replies

ProudMummy48 · 18/06/2012 16:49

My DM is babysitting my DS this week because me and my DH are going out for the day, I sold my car last year because of financial issues and I am aching to be able to drive so I asked my DM if I could be insured on her car for the day so I could drive my DH to his birthday present also I have previously asked her and she said yes but then changed her mind about it, My DF doesn?t see a problem with me driving it.

I have had a licence over 2 years and I have never had any convictions, her answer was "No, I don?t want you driving my car because I love my car and don't really trust you" She has no reason not to trust me and just last month she said that she tried to insure my DB on her car but she couldn?t because it would be too expensive.

I offered to pay for the day insurance and also get her insured on my DH's car so she wouldn?t be left without one (I cannot get insured on that car because I am under 21).

It is not the fact that she didn't want me to get insured on her car that is her choice; it?s the blatant lack of trust for me. I trust her with my DS all day but she cannot trust me with her car? I just don't understand.

Anyway AIBU? :)

OP posts:

Dprince · 18/06/2012 17:29

Most bad drivers don't think they are. Does your mum perhaps not think you are careful enough? You haven't really got much experience.
I think she was using the expense as an excuse to not let your brother drive her car. However you offered to pay, so she had to be honest.

Groovee · 18/06/2012 17:42

My dad was very fussy about who drove his car on a number of occasions. Now he's quite relaxed

Original poster

ProudMummy48 · 18/06/2012 17:52

That is a whole other thread ENormaSnob I have already brought that up even before the new car was bought, My DH is not one to compromise and has "Wanted this car since he was in his teen's".

She has been fine about all of her other cars and has been in the car with me plenty of times saying that I was a very good driver so I do not see as that being a problem. Thinking about it now it could be very true that she did make an excuse for my DB not to drive the car I just never thought about it like that.

My DF is fine about me driving the car and doesn't see it as a problem it's my DM that has a problem with it.

OP posts:

CakeMeIAmYours · 18/06/2012 18:07

Well, from the other side of this debate, I lent my DMum my car for the day and she put a mahoosive scrape down the side.

She then dithered for months about getting it fixed - I wanted it taking to a proper dealership's body shop, she insisted on getting a half-job done at the shittiest cheapest place she could find.

The whole thing caused a lot of bad feeling between the two of us and I wish I had just said no to her borrowing it in the first place.

When I agreed to lend it to her, I never thought she would behave as she did, it was very out of character for her. Perhaps your DMum feels the same? If you are having financial difficulty, perhaps she is worried about how you would be able to pay the excess if you did damage it?

I now stick to the old adage of never lending anything I would care too much about losing (cars, money, jewellery etc).

Personally, I think she is being sensible.

Original poster

ProudMummy48 · 18/06/2012 18:15

I totally understand that, I would be horrified if I were to cause damage to her car and I would most definitely pay for it as soon as I could (Which may be a while) I always give back the money I borrow but I do agree that that would probably be in the back of her mind.

I'll just let this one go and not talk to her about it, Thank you for helping me realise the other side of the story. :)

OP posts:

MarySA · 18/06/2012 18:15

I think you are being unreasonable expecting to drive somebody else's car when you are quite a new driver and haven't driven for quite a while. If it was some sort of emergency then that would be different.

Nagoo · 18/06/2012 18:20

Oh, You know you are YABU.

I'm always too late

ENormaSnob · 18/06/2012 18:21

Tbh, I have been driving 12 years and wouldn't be happy driving someone else's car. Just in case I did any damage.

Your dh is being unfair about the car btw.

CakeMeIAmYours · 18/06/2012 18:22

Yes, I'm inclined to agree about your DH - its very selfish of him to get a car that you are not able to drive.

Have you checked that you are not able to get insurance until you are 21, or is this just what he's telling you? Different insurers often have different policies regarding age/experience.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 18/06/2012 18:26

When my ds wanted to borrow my MX5 (2 seater convertible, 1800cc) we looked into insurance; none available as he was under 25 though I may not have looked very hard

Rachel130690 · 18/06/2012 18:27

YANBU

I insured my sister this past year, she wanted to sell her car, to buy a motorbike. She asked if I would insure her, she would pay her half of insurance. And even tho I was reluctant I did it cause we family. My sister has one year more experience than me but has been in countless car accidents. (silly mistakes on her part)

I wasn't overly happy any time she had my car out, (I pay monthly on it, and my heart was in my throat all day!) but I had to trust her.

She has not had one accident (except the glove box wouldn't open so she had to force it open but paid for a new one!)

She may worry but family is family. You are not be unreasonable. But you do need to accept she won't let you, which sucks!

Original poster

ProudMummy48 · 18/06/2012 18:34

I have let my DH know that it was selfish on his part and we have both tried to get me insured but he has a 3.2 V6 Vectra and the insurance companies just said no way so there is no chance of being insured on his car unfortunately, What is the most annoying thing about the situation is that he doesn?t need to drive it to get to work next year as he is going to commute on the train with me at home with my DS still not being able to drive :( but trust me I have let him know that if the situation was the other way around I would have thought of him :)

OP posts:

CakeMeIAmYours · 18/06/2012 18:41

I may be reading something into this situation that isn't there, so forgive me if that is the case - but do you think your DMum, by refusing to allow you to drive your car, might be trying to 'shine a light' onto this piece of work by your DH?

Its really very selfish of him, perhaps she is trying to make you examine his choice more closely?

When you had a car each, it would be fair enough for him to have a 'boy toy' if there were room in the budget for it. Now you, the mother of his child, have had to sell your car for financial reasons and he is keeping his performance car? That he isn't even going to drive?

What does he say when you bring this up?

CakeMeIAmYours · 18/06/2012 18:42

^refusing to allow you to drive her car

Shutupanddrive · 18/06/2012 19:25

Yabu
It's her car, she can do what she likes with it

oldraver · 18/06/2012 20:42

at wanting a Vectra since he was a teen.

Your DH is being an arse insisting on a car that will be sat outside your housed that you cant drive. Though the upshot of this is he will have to drive (and not drink) for his own birthday treat

Nanny0gg · 18/06/2012 21:01

Um.
Your DH should sell his car and get one that you can both drive.

If I were your DM I wouldn't let you drive my car either.

I am very possessive over my car!

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