When a best friend breaks confidence

[Pickles77]

Im currently pregnant, stressed and depressed. My partner has left me. But the story goes we lived in Ireland last year and I got pregnant, and decided (well kind of got pushed into) terminating the pregancy.
My best friend lives in Ireland too and supported me through this, she was told in confidence. I don't have many friends.
I'm now pregnant again (I know what ur thinking) and am keeping my baby and am 6 months. I have let friends and family know including friends/ex work friends in ireland know.
Now today I get an email telling me that bf has been telling everyone that has asked her about me and bump about my previous abortion.
Im really upset as I'm really embarrassed and ashamed about it anyway and she was told in confidence. I can't help feeling she hasn't been very supportive this time around and is very wrapped up in her own planet.
Am I wrong to feel so betrayed and hurt?

Pickles are you the lady who's ex was pressurising her to have an abortion of this current pregnancy? If you are I didn't realise you had already been through it all once.

You've really been through the mill from the sounds of things.

Your friend has been extremely insensitive telling everyone this, and I'm not surprised you are upset. Is she living in the same area as you? Whether she is or not I wouldn't continue to class her as a friend.

Yes, that's me in afraid :( please don't think bad of me. It's my second chance now.
I'm just really upset. Thought was over the worst! Thankfully she's not within reaching distance ATM!

Sorry to hear what a rough time you've been having. You're not wrong to feel hurt at all, one of my best friends recently broke my confidence about something relating to m pregnancy and I felt betrayed as well. I won't trust anyone with sensitive stuff anymore!

Hope things get better for you x

Aaw I don't think badly of you at all! I think you have been in a very bad relationship and I think in a few years you will look back and wonder you ever even let yourself breathe the same as him! Be kind to yourself.

Are you with family now pickles?

the same air as him

Insensitive is an understatement. You've clearly been through a lot and it is a) not her place to be telling all and sundry intimate and painful details about you and b) as a friend I would think she would be supporting you and helping you move on from the past.
Sounds like someone you shouldn't be referring to as a friend OP.
Good luck with the pregnancy, wishing you all the best.

Not today, Wednesday night i will be. I think I'll be okay until them, got alot to keep me busy

What a nasty piece of work your friend sounds. If anyone says anything, deny that you had the abortion and just say that you think your friend is a jealous spiteful cow. I say this, not because you should feel ashamed of your abortion (absolutely not) but because it deflects it back off of you and makes her look bad and a bit of a twat. Then cut the nasty cow out of your life.

Keep strong, eat well, get plenty of sleep and spend time doing the things you enjoy doing.

Ask for support from the kind, caring people in your life and focus on your bump. Take good care of yourself. Now is a good time to shed, toxic people from your life. Take it a day at a time and take no crap from your ex.

That's dreadful, what sort of "friend" does that?! I would be furious and no longer wish to be friends with such an untrustworthy gossip You don't deserve this at all. You have nothing to be "embarrassed and ashamed" about, so please hold your head up high and face the world. Meanwhile your so-called friend should be very embarrassed and ashamed of herself for breaking your confidence!

Wow, you've really been through the mill! But as step says, you have nothing at all to be embarrassed or ashamed over. Your friend, on the other hand....

She says it came out in a temper to prove how bad the ex is and how disgusted everyone is by his behaviour? But surely you'd think that without knowing that? X

YANBU, you are not in the wrong here in any way!

oh just one thing after another x

That's an appalling breach of confidence. I think anyone who hears this tale from her will judge her for her disloyalty. I feel for you and wish you all the very best. Please ditch her.

i'm sorry. your situation is hard enough without your 'bf' pitching in. she's a nasty piece. sack her.
good luck with the baby.

try not too feel too bad about the decision you took with the previous pregnancy - you can't change it now and suffering won't help anyone. get counselling if it preys on your mind.

be kind to yourself. treat yourself the way you want to treat your baby when s/he comes.

One of my best friends is a gossip n cant help but tell everyone bout everyone elses business. Thats jus who she is.
There hav been times wen iv told my other best friends something n not told her coz i know they wont tell anyone.
Mayb u culd jus hav a word with her n say that can she stop talking bout it.

My best friend isnt a bad person n doesnt do it in a nasty way. She jus does it coz she likes to gossip. Mayb ur friend is the same.

Listen to CJ2010.

I choose my trusted 'best' friends as much for their sound judgement as for their other qualities.

Should any of them divulge confidential or sensitive information about me without my consent, I'd have no more to do with them - and I'd deny whatever it was they'd divulged.

Has she been telling everyone? Or did this other friend stick up for your ex so much that your best friend let it out in trying to show what an arse he is? She shouldn't have done, of course, so YANBU. But just in case you're about to drop the wrong friend ...

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

Sounds like she is just one of those people who can't resist opening their mouth when they have some information they consider "juicy" or they want to show off that they know everything that's going on! She is obviously not a trustworthy person and I'm sorry she has been stirring like this.

All the best to you and just try to ignore, even though anyone would be bothered by a "friend" spreading this private info so you are not being over sensitive or anything IMO

That's a shitty thing for her to have done, even in trying to explain how bad he was. There's no need for her to have given explicit details as to why he was a shit.

Trouble is, to be fair to her, she only needed to tell one other person who would then have gossiped on about it to whoever she/he met - and they would have all claimed your friend as the original source, regardless of who they heard it from.

But no - she shouldn't have broken that confidence in the first place and it would be enough for me to ditch her as a friend (been in the same situation and did just that).

Thanks guys x

Are you sure she has been telling "everyone"? I'd want to be sure of the facts before judging. Poor you. I understand you wouldn't want anyone to know, but telling one person isn't as bad as telling the whole village

If anyone mentions the abortion to you, then I'd suggest -

• stay dignified and calm
• say only one person knew about it
• she was told in strictest confidence
• you're upset other people know about it
• it's not something you wish to discuss
• you want to change the subject