to take control of family holidays and not let dh have any input whatsoever. ever.

[Funsponge]

the background....

For the first 8 years we had children he refused to take any time off. His job was weird. So we didn't ever get a week off together. At all. His response was that he didn't meed it.

I did. So it got to the point that i just organised and did it without him. I told him the dates, where etc and left him to it. He did nothing and was then surprised when i went without him.

After that he did book the time off and came with us.

Note... This is a week in a caravan. He flatly refused to go abroad.

Until last year when after yet another weekend in a wet tent i decided enough was enough and the brsts were big enough to behave so i organised. Researched. Booked. Paid for etc a forin jaunt. I sorted pastports for me and the brats. I informed him of the plan and left it up to him to decide if he wanted to go.

I decided i was not going to nag or do it for him....... Only i then spent 4 months stressing about it. He left it to the last minute then got round to it.

So. Dh and holidays dont mix. We have history. It makes me tense.

We are planning a last minute type booking this summer depending on how much we have saved. By we read I.

He keeps suggesting all inclusive hotels in places i have no interest in.

Call me antisocial but this would be hell. Other peoples children making noise and me having to bare my body in public.

Not what i have in mind at all.

But i dont want to dampen his enthusiasm. Or put him off. Or really go without him.

He keeps suggesting AI places that you have no interest in, but at least he is showing some enthusiasm so why not give it a go, you never know, you might like it, and the kids might like it..

Also, he should be contributing towards the cost of his children's holidays, not just expecting you to fund it all.

I am not a great fan of AI holidays but when you have kids I can certainly see the point of them, and surely you can just send him off to the pool with the kids while you wander off to find a secluded beach of just snooze on the balcony.

Well you have three options

• ignore him and organise what you want, and have him miserable
• do what he wants and hate it
• discuss, negotiate and compromise with aim of finding something that you can enjoy together

I leave it to you to work out which of these three is most likely to result in a happy holiday for you and all your family.

The brats are big brats. 15 & 16.

He doesnt want what he is suggesting. He just tbinks that because gary or ken of dave said it was great it is the place for me. Which it most certainly wont be.

But because he is showing rare enthusiasm i dont want to quash it.

I might just have to find somewhere and announce it.

Go for it! Get your brats to help you choose and then at least 3 of you are happy

so what do the kids want to do? at that age they are also old enough to voice an opinion too I would say..

If I were you I would be going for somewhere like Lanzarote as you can go AI, but still be close to lots of quiet beaches, so there would be something to suit all of you.

Even with AI, you dont have to stay on the complex, you are allowed to leave

Bit there would be people milling around and making noise. I need quiet. DD2 needs quiet (AS, . Wonder who she gets that from).

My DH cant always come away and then we also had many years of me researching holidays (anything from a cheap camping trip to a foreign holiday) finding a good and then him dithering before agreeing - the deal would be gone and then he would refuse to go away for any more than the deal. It drove me up the wall.

I ended up getting into camping and taking the DC myself. He was invited etc (when available to come with us) but chooses often not to go. My DC were 3yo and under on my first solo camping trip. Eldest is now 13. DH has come on a few trips but I have made good camping friends - and we meet up somewhere every summer. DH has only joined us all for 1 night in 10 years and as a result does not know these people who have become really good friends of mine and the DC over the years. I am off with the same crowd this summer and its not looking like he will come and I have to quietly admit I am glad.

Dont get me wrong I love him etc but these holidays now have become my thing and me and the DC have got used to little silly fun traditions we do every year and I suppose I have become a bit selfish in that we (me and DC_ get to do 100% of the stuff we love to do on holiday without having to accommodate someone elses wants. It sounds selfish and maybe it is - but its just evolved that way. I would never stop DH from coming with us but I have gone past wanting him to come. That said - we did this spring enjoy a family holiday abroad - first time away as a family since March 2008.

I know that if I did not go ahead and book and do these camping trips with my DC every summer - then DH would dither etc and we just would not go.

To some it may seem weird but I have to say some years DH has not been here due to work - so could not have come if he wanted to and that is how this camping tradition evolved. This way the DC get a holiday and have fab memories of summers gone past now (after 10 years), which I would rather have than no holiday memories at all. Its just a bit sad they dont involve their Dad - but 99% of the time its his choice not to join us.

What I am trying to say - is that appreciate where you are coming from. I get so used to arranging and planning my own thing that when DH wants to come and I have to consider his wants and needs I do feel a bit - hmph about it all. Perhaps as he has actually shown some input - agree to look at som AI holidays together or find something similarish - you may be abe to compromise on and see how it goes. If he starts to dither, drags his feet (like my DH does) about booking etc just do what you want to do but make sure he is still welcome.

It does depend on where you go. Not all AI are like hell on earth. For example, the place where we stay has an AI tariff, but you can also go self catering too and as it is a large complex each apartment has it's own private patio, and there are 3 pools, the smaller of which are always very quiet. So I would say that a place like that can offer something that would make everyone happy.

What sort of holiday would you like ideally?

Yes Queen. Just like that. Dithering.

I eill do some intensice antisocial holiday research yhen hive him options.

He is completely fixated on frucking turkey. I have an irrational need to avoid turkey.
He kerps suggesting massive hotels.

Im going to have to take control! Or kill him.

Are you sure he isin't suggesting these (outragous to you) options because he knows you don't want them.

He's trying to get YOU to be the one to cancel.

Just a thought.

Turkey is lovely. Where do you want to go?

I dont know where to go. My avoidance of turkey is irrational.

My plan is to close my eyes and stick a pin the day before we go.

I need a villa with a private pool.

I unlikely to get one but i can dream

It seems a shame that after waiting for your DH to take an interest in holidays the first time he suggests it you put a dampener on it.

O know. Its about 10 years too late thougj.

Why is it to late. You have could have years of holidays coming up. It isn't just your holiday.

Turkey is gorgeous so YABU there. I personally like AI resorts & have been to a few, some were noisy & family orientated others were lovely & quiet so they aren't all unbearable

It is a bit of a shame that you have waited for interest then not liked it when he has shown a bit of enthusiasm-bit odd that the man you're married to clearly doesn't know you that well to be suggesting places/resorts that you hate so I'm wondering if ginger is on to something in that he is maybe trying a bit of reverse psychology.....

I put off going to turkey for years as I just never fancied it.

Went last year and totally fell in love. Such an amazing, beautiful place.

All inclusives aren't all as bad as you think. Some are he'll on earth but some are huge and lovely, and there are only loads of other people around in the restaurant.

I think it would be quite unfair on your teenagers to deny them any opportunity to meet others their age and do some of the brilliant activities that can go along with AIs. You just need to do more research to find the right place.

Fwiw, I hate the idea of Turkey too, but I don't know why because I love Egypt and Morroco.

Could you both (and maybe the kids too) make a list of the top 5/10 things you want from the holiday as well as the top 5/10 things you want to avoid, so he can see what you are actually looking for and things that you are not interested in.

That way, when flicking through lists of holidays, when he shows you something completely unsuitable, you can say - oh but, look it's a 1000 person hotel and I hate those, I'm looking for a nice little quiet hotel it's saying it's not on my list which isn't quite as negative as saying I don't want to go there iyswim...

Of course if your list and his list are completely different you then need to start compromising but at least it will give you a starting point. And hopefully if you think the kids lists will be similar to your own about what they like or dislike, get them to do them too, then when you come to compromise, it will be easier to sway the decisions in your direction!

Have you been suggesting holidays to him? What does he say when you say 'here's my dream holiday - a lovely quiet little gite in the depths of france (or whatever!) for a great price' - does he say he doesn't like it outright, say he doesn't like it and why, say it sounds ok but carries on with other stuff that is more what he is looking for...

I share your pain - dh would love to take our dc (7&4) camping - for me it sounds a nightmare, I hate camping, I think they are too young, it would be stress all round etc etc. He on the other hand thinks they are the perfect age, it would be lots of fun, no stress... We have both been camping in the past as children on holiday. We obviously had very different experiences as I have never done it of my own volition again; he has! He thinks back and wants to create new happy memories like he had when he was little, while all I can think of are the nightmares we'll be creating for them forever.

Pre-kids it took me ages to persuade dh (dp as he then was) to come on a cruise with me, I really fancied it, knew people that had done and loved it. Thought we would enjoy it. Took me about 3 years to persuade him, he ran out of excuses and finally we went and he loved it - we subsequently went on lots and even our honeymoon involved cruising. COuldn't believe that we hadn't thought about doing it sooner . But I'm still not going to give in to camping!

good luck - hope you manage to find somewhere fantastic that your dh loves too.

My irrational avoidance of turkey stems from an incident with a man, many pints of stella and cheese and onion crisps. 25 years ago. I havent been able to eat c & o crisps since either.

The bats aren't mixers.

Does turkey have seaweed?

I wouldnt want to go to Turkey either.. just not a place I have ever fancied.

However I also wouldnt want a villa either, especially as a family, as I think it could be a bit boring unless you were close to lots of bars/restaurants/beach.