3 families on holiday- how to bring up splitting the bill?

[Downnotout]

We are going away in the summer with 2 other families. They will both have 2 children each. We will have one child with us.

DH is only out for one week at the beginning. Leaving me and DD for 2nd week.

One of the families has an older child who eats adult meals (and I mean fillet steak), dd only has a child portion, the other family's DH is a wine connoisseur and orders v expensive red wine (and can get through a few bottles) which neither DH or I drink.

Normally we just split a bill, no questions, but I am thinking that over the course of 2 weeks, eating out most nights, we will be subsidising a huge amount of their bill.

So how do I broach this or do we shut up and pay up?

What skyblue said.

When I've been away in a group with either extended famiyl or friends, we've always done food kitty, and alcohol done seperately.

In extended family group we normally do £30 for adult, £20 for child aged 10+, £10 for under 10 for a week and then either add to it if needed or enjoy a takeaway/meal out on last night if a fair bit left over.

We always discuss, agree and pay up beforehand...better to sort it than have the first day ruined if there is disagreement for any reason. Also means that the first shop can be sorted asap after you arrive before all the DC start doing too much thirsty and hungry whining

I have been in a situation like this before and the way we do it is:
Each adult counts as "one"
Each child counts as "half"
Decide at the beginning of the week how much you will each put in to the kitty pro rata and this pays for everything. Eg 100 pounds per adult, 50 pounds per child.
I am thinking that this way you will subsidise the child eating as an adult but not the expensive wine.
The kitty then pays for supermarket shops, as well as meals out; when it is used up you start again but at the same rate.
During the week you are both there you count as two and a half but the second week you are one and a half which means the couples with two kids there pay twice as much as you in the second week. No embarrassment, no sticky discussions.
Think that works, doesn't it?
Have a good time!

rapapapumsorry forgot the rest there is a certain element of that with the 3rd family ( who drink the expensive red) but not with the 2nd. I mean I'm quite happy with the house rose and DH likes a beer, but that doesn't equate to 4or 5 bottles at £40(or more) a pop.

I wouldn't consider us poor relations but, no, we're not quite in their league.

And yes, steak at £25 a time, while DD has the kids pizza at a fiver, just rankles a bit.

but how does a kitty work, if you all put in £20 say for food for a day and one family eat loads of it. Do you keep tabs on how much they eat? And at a restaurant, if you agree a price, then the bill goes over it, who pays the extra?
Sorry OP - didn't mean to sound stroppy in asking you why you are holidaying with them.

The way we work it is that we each take it in turns to cook (and buy the food) and take it in turns to buy booze too. So I cook one day and buy all the food, someone else buys booze, I buy booze another day and a couple cooks two days and buys booze two days. If we go out, we pay for what we eat/drink.

It works out over the course of the week

oranges I didn't take it that way.

It's just the dynamics have changed and I started thinking about it. We are ve good friends with one family and they are v good friends with the others. So I could easily mention it to family 2 but feel more uncomfortable bringing it up with family 3 IYSWIM.

I have been on holidays with friends loads of times, and if you say "look, I need to budget a bit, so I am going to pay for our meals separately", nobody will mind at all..

From the POV of the bigger family, they might actually be relieved if you just say breezily 'I'll get a separate bill for me & dd, can't be arsed working out what we've had at the end.'

I have a mate with one dd (I have 3) who always insists we get alternate bills. I end up forgoing a second glass of wine because I know she'll end up paying over the odds - much rather pay my way & feel able to order what I want!

Agree a kitty based on per head amounts is simplest solution for self catering. It doesn't help with eating out, though, if a disproportionate amount of it is getting guzzled in steaks for kids & cheeky little vintages...

Sorry - 'alternate bills' - ie. she pays on one occasion, I do the next, she ends up out of pocket because I have more kids.

At the end of the first meal just tot up your spend, add a tip and put on the table!!

No discussion just do it. What can they say??

Kitty a stupid idea in this circumstance as one family obviously will take more than equal share..

We don't holiday with friends though, like our own company as a family.

What can they say - we ate and drank more so we should split the bill?
Nothing they can say - but you have to be prepared to say it.

And kitties don't work if one family is always eating and drinking more.

I am wary of contributing to a kitty, if you have different ideas about spending. I can see the extravagant family using the communal kitty to buy food as they normally would (inc the wine) and would then expect you all to top up the kitty again. So what you budget for one week, could be used up in two days, or even by one expensive meal out.

I think getting your own bill is the way to go. Even if everyone concerned was equally wealthy, it would still be taking the piss to expect you to subsidise their wine costs and their children.

Just say you have a limited budget for food while you are away, so you will be ordering separately, that you are saying now so as not to cause bad feeling :)

You could always broach it from the angle that you dont want them to feel they have to reign in their own spending for your sake..

I don't think a kitty would work for us. It still throws up the issues with children eating adult meals or the you've had a bottle of Pauillac, I've had 2 beers thing. We're SC in separate apartments so no issue with the shopping, just eating out.

I also think that people should just be able to eat and drink what they like, instead of thinking they can/ can't have a starter/ pudding because so and so isn't. It doesn't matter for one meal, but over lots of meals it's more difficult.

I think I will have a word and suggest we all get our own bills. Then there's no falling out.

That's good squeaky, I like that.

Why the heck should you subsidise them? If you can't bring it up with them, then just ask the restaurant to keep the bills separate.

Do you have email for the family you have been away with before? If so (and you are worried about getting flustered on the phone/in person) then send them an email:

Hi

Just wanted to get the boring details sorted before we go.

As things are different from previous years I want to change how we split the costs. As it is DH, DD & I for the first week then just DD & I for the second week if we go out for a meal during the holiday we will order and pay for ourselves. I will leave you and XYZ to sort out how you want to play things amongst yourselves.

Really looking forward to it

Love

Downnotout

Dont apologise, dont explain

And no one has said IABU! That's a first. Thank you (don't spoil it now!)

I recently went on holiday, we were 3 families and we just bought all our food separate.
Don't go down the root of splitting bills, just don't enter into it as you will be paying more even though you only have one dc.
You may find that you will not be sharing each and every meal with them anyway as you may dine out separate some nights.

We have been going away with 3 other families for the last 8 years or so in the same conditions that you are (separate accom etc). We always have a separate bill per family as our numbers are all different and our budget is different (We also have a separate wine bill that we all pay into equally, but it doesn't sound like that would work here!). You should see the waiters faces when we try to explain it!

I think you just need to tackle it with the close friends and they can deal with the other family - they can't seriously expect you to be subsidising their teenagers eating habits and their expensive wine.

Failing that, at bill time, whip out a small calculator and work out to the penny what they owe. Ha ha :)

Straight away I would be saying that I will be paying for my family.

I drink a lot whilst on holiday so it would be unfair for the people who only have 2 glasses of wine then a coffee and so on.

Gawd, I loathe kittys.

Say, just so you know, DD?DH/Me are picky eaters & we'll be paying separately for our food.

This so puts me off going on holiday with other people....

GnomeDePlume's letter is good..I might borrow it