to not want to split bill?

[Happymummy21]

I meet up with some other mums once a month or so, we met at a mum and baby group which our toddlers have grown out of.

We meet for lunch, usually at a local cafe. When we started meeting, about nine months ago, the five of us would usually have a soft drink and sandwich each. The bill would arrive and we'd split it equally, all having had pretty much the same. However, as times gone on, one of the mums always seems to get there early and has an extra couple of drinks before and during the meet up. Another of thr mothers sometimes has extra and a couple of us tend to just have a drink and sandwich still. When the bill comes, those who have extra seem to want to split it evenly still, then after its paid they say, 'oops I had more I should have paid more', once the bill's been paid....

So last week I threw my £10 in when the bill arrived and said 'that's for mine and a 10% tip'. I was met by slight surprise and glares as the others worked out what they owed.

Aibu in not wanting to split the bill? It would only be an extra fiver or so for each meet, but money is tight and I'd rather spend it on dc. These mums aren't close friends but I do like catching up with some of them. I suspect some of the others who have less don't like splitting the bill either as they sometimes pay indepently at the counter...

Does it matter?

Why don't you just a trend of paying separately then?

a tenner for a coke and a sarnie?

i would begrudge that

bottle of coke is a quid in tesco and a sarnie is a couple of quid - money is tight, suggest a picnic :)

A couple of drinks before? What alcoholic ones?

£10-£15 for a drink and a sarnie?

There is no way I would expect everyone to split the bill if I had spent more. Bloody cheek. In my group of friends, we tally up what we have spent using the bill and pay only for what we have drank/ate.

It clearly matters to the OP Rabid or she wouldn't be posting .

To a lot of people, an extra £5 a week might make the difference between being able to go and not being able to go. Can you just pay at the counter like the others? Or arrive a little bit late and then go up and order and pay at the same time, so that you miss the 'ordering en masse' part?

I think if you go out in a group every few months then you just accept that sometimes you have more and you win and sometimes you have less and you lose out, but if it's every week and you're overpaying every week then that would annoy me. I would be more irritated at those who have more taking advantage than the actual £££ to be honest.

I once went out for a Christmas night out with a group from my night school course and we had all paid up front for the dinner and half bottle of wine package. On the night, a few people ordered fancy wines and other drinks from the bar to the table (I didn't) and then at the end they wanted to split the additional bill! I thought this was cheeky beyond belief and said that I was happy to put in the extra for my share of the tip, but was not interested in paying an extra £10 on top of the £40 I had already paid in order to subsidise those few (a little group all huddled at one end of the table) who had ordered extra wine and a ton of drinks from the bar. They were all very po-faced about it, but the majority who hadn't ordered extras were happy that I am shameless and said something.

YANBU money is tight for most people with kids an extra £5 is 50% increase on your actual bill, is it the same women/women havin the extra drinks everymonth?

Another splitting the bill thread :)

You should pay for what you spend, especially if people take the piss and order loads.

I went out for a meal with some work colleagues earlier this week.

We all had a rough idea how much we had spent respectively and put in accordingly (it normally depends on the bar bill). It turned out that we had put in way too much as a group and that even if we were to leave a decent tip we would still have had a fair bit of float.

It was decided that the surplus would be donated to a charity linked to our place of work.

It wasn't my idea, but I did leave thinking that I wish it had been.

Of course, that has little relevance to the OP situation. Personally I think what you did was fine if you know that you have covered your bill.

YANBU

£10 for a drink, sandwich and tip?! Bloody hell. YABU for paying that. Pack some sarnies and meet in a park now that it's coming to summer... well.. if you can call it that glares outsides.

YANBU about the bill though, pay for what you eat/drink and that's it. Or just start turning up early and squeezing a few extra drinks out of the outing yourself.

Yanbu

Thanks for your replies. I will pay at the counter in the future as money is tight, but as some have pointed out, the principle matters too as it is always the same one or two who order extra.

Emsyj - good for you at your party! :)

YANBU. If it's always the same two they are the ones who are being meanies. Not you.

Definitely just pay at the counter - I sometimes do this in group situations as it just makes life easier. I would be annoyed too if a modest lunch ended up costing me £5 more than I had actually spent.

I don't blame you. i would do the same. Once you realise that there are some people who are taking the piss, then you have to take a stand, or you'll just end up disliking them and that will ruin a friendship more than everyone paying for their own food and drink.

I'd pay at the counter, it's not a big deal at all :)

Paying at the counter is a lot easier - you could point out it makes it easier when people have to leave and arrive at different times? They aren't having to sit and wait without ordering ? No-one will feel under pressure to be restrained or overly generous? That people will still be able to come along if they are a bit short that week? Lots of good reasons to do it.

I too, am rather stunned at the concept of paying £10 for a sarnie and a drink though.
I meet a couple of colleagues in a lovely cafe near me (which is frequesnted by groups of Mums and babies) and it's £3.80 for a coffee and an enormous toastie, less if you only have one filling .

I don't drink but happy to just split equally as we don't go out enough that often for dinners with my/our friends.

If your situation though, I know how it feels and if it's the local cafe, I would just pay for the meal and the drink I ordered at the time of ordering. That way, everyone else can split the bill, as long as you don't have to be counted in it as you've already paid. :D

I can't understand why some people are so selfish and take advantage. I have gone out in groups of friends before and maybe one or two have said before ordering "I'm pretty skint at the moment, do you mind if I just order one course and pay for my own?". We have never had a problem with that.

I would just tell the glarers that you can't afford to subsidise the sneaky extras they are having.

Yes paying an extra 50% everytime would annoy me. I'm sure tge ones who have been pulling a fast one forgetting til after the bill was aid were annoyed.

Thanks, I agree paying at the counter is the way forward, just didn't know if it was rude for me to not want to split the bill...its good to hear that I'm not alone in thinking people should pay their way though.

I like the idea of suggesting a picnic, think I may just do that :)

YANBU, paying at the counter when you order is a good idea, and then no-one could have any reasonable cause to complain.

I don't really get why people ever split the bill, everyone has different amounts of money and orders different things so it never seems to make any sense. I've found that my friends who have lots of money always want to spit and never consider that other people have less money (they also order more so benefit!) it just belittles ppl that have less money and that's wrong.
I love the friends episode that deals with this, it's exactly how it is!

The mums who order extra know exactly what they are doing. Obviously money is tight for them as well, and they want more than what they pay out for.
I'd be happy to do it once but as a regular thing, no, it isn't fair to have to part pay for someone's lunch each time. They know what they are doing. YANBU