More of a WWYD I guess. Don't want to drip feed so will try to make this as brief as possible!
DM married SD about 12yrs ago. I used to send him a father's day card every year (in addition to sending one to my actual dad). my step-dad's relationships with his own kids aren't great - one doesn't speak to him since he left his wife for my DM - the other does, although the relationship did suffer during the split, but they are gradually getting closer again. He used to get v emotional every year I sent him a card - think it brought up a lot of feelings about his own kids - I wasn't sure whether it was a good thing or bad thing to mess with his head in that way, but my DM always thought it was a sweet reaction and encouraged me to send one every year.
Anyway, fast forward 12 years and our relationships have all changed, chiefly because I have become a parent and I have been very unhappy with the way SD and DM have treated my DD (5). They are extremely negative towards her, pick up all her faults, ignore all her good points and tell her off constantly, to the point where I feel they bully her. SD is most definitely the ringleader and encourages my DM to hold similar views about my DD, who is incidentally a lovely well behaved little girl, but shy and sensitive and quiet. it is her sensitivity that annoys him so much. Needless to say she is shit scared of him especially when he shouts at her to 'look me in the eyes!' all the time (!!)
Several times there have been incidents between SD and my DD, when it has been my DD who has attempted to hold out the olive branch and kiss and make up, while SD has actually refused to kiss her back. This has actually happened on more than one occasion. To my mind this makes him a smaller person and less mature than my shy, sensitive 5 year old DD!
Following a disastrous family holiday last year, DH and I are now firm about protecting DD from SD at all costs and minimising the contact between them. The sad thing is, though, that my DM would actually like a better relationship with DD and I still want to support her chances of a decent grandmother-granddaughter relationship, despite SD's influence.
Anyway, this year it didn't even occur to me to send him a card. The day before Father's Day I realised what I had done, and briefly thought 'should I?' but my DH said, 'if you don't feel it, don't do it.' So I haven't. My DM, who texts every day without fail, has pointedly not sent one to me today. She can't exactly nag me about it as he's not my real dad, but it will go in the log book of resentments for next time I see them no doubt.
I wonder if I am just causing myself more problems in the long term. There is still time to put an e-card together, just about.... WWYD?