To find this article on embarrassing dads offensively sexist?

[stillstanding]

See this article on embarrassing dads.

I mean if the article was about being more "embarrassing" and fun and worrying less about "smothering your children with love and caring", I would get it. Agree even. There are some good points here but the overall message is so unbelievably sexist.

It is, apparently, the mother's role to change nappies, spend time getting bored rigid in the playgrounds, attend nativity plays and parents' evenings. Mums can (so patronising gracious this) "cook and clean and nurture and 1,001 other amazing things". But the really fun stuff allegedly belong to Dads. They get to make stupid jokes, sit, splendidly aloof, with a newspaper amidst the chaos etc (presumably while the Mums are cooking and cleaning and bringing order to the chaos).

I just find this all extraordinarily sexist. So 1950's. Why can't we share the chores and nurturing, split the time in playgrounds/nativity plays AND the fun, embarrassing stuff? I am just as likely to be "bored rigid" in the playground as my DH is. Why is that my role and his is to take the kids joy-riding on a bike?

I know that women and men have different parenting styles - my DH is definitely better at physical playing with the DCs than me - and that certain generalisations in this regard are inevitable. And I agree that fathers don't need to be more like mothers in the sense that we all have to be exactly the same. But I do think they need to be more like mothers in doing their fair share of the chores and nurturing (if they aren't already), perhaps to free up those same mothers to do some of the fun stuff.

Let's share in the joint responsibility for raising our children, including being more fun and embarrassing, and less smothering. But, for god's sake, let's move away from some archaic and properly sexist notion that old-fashioned Dad's are the answer.

YANBU at all. What a pile of narrow minded, blinkered bullshit. It's not just sexist, it's also poorly written and patronising, 'Athena (the goddess of wisdom)'....yes, I do have enough education to know who she was, you dick.

I have two boys who are completely different in personality, likes, etc. This is because they are individuals and their gender does not define who they are. Likewise, their dad and I split roles and just do whatever needs doing as and when. We do not do things because that is 'mum's job' or 'what dad's do'. In fact, I am the main breadwinner in our house and so it is down to DH to do school runs, etc. And he is not the only dad we know who does this. And he certainly is not bored rigid in the playground! I wish I could do it more, not because I am their mum and it should be 'my role' but because I like being involved in my kids lives. Doesn't every responsible parent?

I suspect the writer was trying to be amusing, tongue in cheek and give a witty, light hearted take on modern parenting. Unfortunately, he just comes across as a twat.

I didn't get past the first paragraph. Don't think I need to. YANBU.

One of the more idiotic notions of modern parenting is that fathers need to be more like mothers. If only dad changed more nappies, spent more time getting bored rigid in playgrounds, attended more nativity plays and listened more attentively at parents? evenings, we?re asked to believe, then all our children would be happier, better balanced, more fulfilled.

Nuff said.

Ugh. YANBU. What a sexist gobshite.

Delingpole is the Telegraph's resident idiot. (Well, one of their resident idiots.) He's most famous for his tedious blog attacking climate change scientists because climate change isn't really happening, as the scientists would know if only they were as clever as Delingpole (who has an English degree, I believe).

In the words of Ben Goldacre, "James Delingpole is a penis."

I hate it when they refer to their child as Boy. Twit.

@ hackmum

Article = load of shit. One of the most fucked-up men I know had a Dad who was constantly mocking him, teasing him, taking the piss out of him, cruelly and puerilely (does that work as a word?) - he in turn did it to everyone around him indiscriminately, because that's how he related to people. Marvellous job, that Dad! Yes, jolly bloody well done at turning out a complete fuck-up of a son, who has left 2 marriages when the child of the marriage was 3 (probably luckily for the children, if h was going to continue the pattern!)

Yes, Dads may have a subtly different role to mums - but it doesn't involve trashing their sons' self-confidence.

Very funny, hackmum. I confess i hadn't read Delingpole until i read this article but am pleased to see I am in good company!

Thumbwitch, sounds like your friend's dad was a nasty piece of work. There is a balance though, I think, between what you describe and good-natured banter. Gentle teasing of your children about their choice in music/fashion etc is practically mandatory imo. Far more cringey if you try to be "cool", loving their music, wearing their clothes etc ... urghh.

Maybe, stillstanding, maybe - I am not a great believer in "good natured banter" unless both sides of the banter are actually happy with it - I've seen too many people be upset by "gentle teasing" to think it's a particularly nice thing, tbh (and they weren't all sensitive flowers, either - but parents just know where your weak spots are and know how to poke them).

He lost me at 'driving Boy back to school.' Where, presumably Boy is handed over to Matron and JD can abdicate all Dad Duty, embarrassing or otherwise.

I started to read it with an open mind, but the article is actually avocating poor parenting.

I agree with Thumbwitch and the writer himself recognises that the banter is 'cruel', but would do it anyway and take it further.

Mind you, he holds Homer Simpson up as an example of how fathers should be, so enough said.

What an utter twunt

Cringingly sexist.

'feminised society'? - my arse.

What a pile of crap. Who says mothers can't ride pillion on a motorbike or crack a joke? Mind you, what do you expect from the torygraph.

What utter bollocks. It just sounds as if he is trying to find a reason for liking his daughter more than his son. Really nasty, IMO.

Am not quite sure why he sees it as an admirable quality, to sit in an armchair with the newspaper, ignoring chaos. I think that says 'lazy fucker', rather than 'good parent'. But what do I know - I'm just the thick woman getting on with the 1001 completely undervalued (by this twat), but utterly necessary jobs while the really important business of piss taking is done by the father!

Mums and Dads don't have to parent in exactly the same way - or split each task 50/50 down the middle. There's nothing wrong with playing to your own strengths. That's probably what he meant, but I am guessing because any point he had, got lost in the delivery. He is definitely wrong to say that mums are good at X and dads are good at Y - that's just over simplistic and insulting to everyone who views themselves as not solely defined by gender.

Judging by his own contribution to the parenting of 'Boy' (wtf is that about?), if that kid turns out well, it will be a credit to the female contribution and that of the school.

Absolute drivel.

I know what you mean, Thumbwitch - lots of pretty horrific behaviour is sometimes put down as "gentle teasing" when that is very far from the truth. I think though that I am thinking particularly of my father and the banter we used to have when I was a teenager about his music v mine, justifying their relative strengths etc. It was all really good fun AND funny. And later on it moved into more complex areas like politics and beliefs etc - more debating, I suppose, than teasing - but it was very good for me personally and also for our relationship. But it was always good-natured and considerate, never hurtful.

Incidentally, I do know what Delingpole is talking about when he describes the car trips and trying to find out about your children's day and be supportive and caring etc. I definitely do try to do that but seldom with much result and I know that if I were to joke around more, the same trip would be more fun and might end up with more constructive results, ie I would get more out of the DCs. The thing is though that you need to be both: make sure that your child knows that you are interested and care but also to have fun, enjoying their company. A healthy balance. But the healthy balance applies to both parents and the mum/dad divide is ludicrous.

YANBU. Utter tripe.

And the comments... Lots of men posting there think he is 'spot on', that society is too demanding/ unsupportive of fathers and that this is due to homosexuality and feminism...or summat like that.

These people walk among us...frightening.

Sounds like you had a good time with your father then, stillstanding, and I recognise what you're talking about - airing of opinions, calling his stuff old fashioned and fuddyduddy, while he calls yours all noise and no actual music (that would be me and my Dad then! ) but without making it personal about you and how crap you are, sort of thing?

It's easy enough to do it right if you focus on the thing and not the person; but once you start telling someone they're crap because they like crap music, that's when it could start to become damaging rather than strengthening (depending on the age and character of the person at the butt end of it)

I'm sure we're agreeing though!

I think we ABSOLUTELY agree, Thumbwitch!!