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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended at DP?

12 replies

Monica2012 · 15/06/2012 18:24

DP insists he had to go to work tonight to get money for our upcoming holiday. We have money, and I had a bit of a whinge at him coz he's always out at work, but I couldn't be bothered to argue with him for long, so off he went to work, after working from 5am this morning. He came home for a few hours at tea time for a rest, now he's gone off out again.

Our friend, well more DP's friend, is having a birthday get together at her house tonight. I have only met her once. She's nice. DP decided that we wouldn't go to her party as he'd be working. All ok, except now DP has text me saying shall we go to the friends' party. I am pissed off because I feel DP says he had to go to work, now he's saying let's go to the party. I've told him I can't go because I have things to do at home that can't wait til tomorrow. I feel like I am last on his list. He was so fucking insistent on having to go to work, now he wants to go to the party. All I want is a nice night just the two of us tucked up infront of the telly.

If he decides to go to the party alone i'll be pissed too that i'll be at home doing chores that have to be done before tomorrow (as we have someone coming to view the house at 8am), chores that he could've helped with while he was home from work in the few hours today.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 15/06/2012 18:29

this is how it comes across to me, as an outsider:

he wants some more money to spend
you want him at home more
he goes to work, you tell him you're unhappy with it
he gets out and thinks maybe you're right, so texts to say ok, let's go to party
you decide to play the martyr and say no

you say you want a nice night in in front of the telly, but how can you do that if you have all these chores that need doing?

while i don't think you should have to ask him to help (whole other thread!) did you actually ask him to help with the chores while he was home earlier? has he forgotten about the viewing perhaps?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 15/06/2012 18:29

Is there a chance he is saying you shudo go to the party because he knows you were pissed off that he went to work and he thinks you want to go to the party?

That's the sort of thingy dh would do. Try to fix something that had upset me but go about it in completely the wrong way and end up making it worse!

Have you told him how much you want a night snuggled up in front of the telly more than you want holiday money or to go to a party?

FutTheShuckUp · 15/06/2012 18:31

Thats what I thought- how come if DP stayed at home you would both have a night in front of the telly but if he went out you would have loads of chores to do?

manicbmc · 15/06/2012 18:36

Go to the party. Get a few things done now and have some fun. Sounds like you could both do with some.

TidyDancer · 15/06/2012 18:36

thisisyesterday pretty much nailed the right response tbh.

HecateTrivia · 15/06/2012 18:36

Are you actually saying that you are pissed off that it always seems that he decides everything and it doesn't matter how you feel or what your opinion is?

Cos on the face of it, it seems like you're making a fuss over trivia, but you're so cross that there must surely be something else going on.

And the repeated use of "he decides" Grin

Dprince · 15/06/2012 18:41

It comes across as a bit childish tbh. He went to work, you want him home. He said no to the party because of work, but is now saying lets go.
Now you are saying no to the party, because you have to these jobs. So you couldn't have had a night in front of the telly. So if you had got these jobs done earlier in the week, you would go to the party? Still no night in.
He asked you to go, you don't want to. But you don't want him to go alone so he can help with jobs. But you haven't said this to him and you didn't ask him to help earlier? Yes he should have just helped, but after working from 5am and planning on going back he may have been tired and thought you were ok with that.
He isn't a mind reader. You seem like you are trying to be a martyr.

comptoir · 15/06/2012 18:45

YABU. I can see why someone would make an effort/sacrifice to go to a party, but not necessarily for a night in front of the telly. isn't that what you do when there's nothing better to do?

Original poster
Monica2012 · 15/06/2012 18:45

well, if he was home we'd get the chores done in a few hours if we did them together and then have time snuggling together. I am BU aren't I?! I just hate how he seems to put everything, and I mean everything before the two of us just having a snuggly night in together. We have a right laugh together (really we do!) on the odd occasion to do spend the weekend home together on the couch scoffing food that we shouldn't and watching tv that we shouldn't.

Anyway, i'll make the most of his absence, forget about the molehill i'm making, and order a yummy takeaway and devour before I get to work on the chores :)

OP posts:
manicbmc · 15/06/2012 18:47

Could you not plan a nice evening in tomorrow night?

WorraLiberty · 15/06/2012 18:48

What sort of things shouldn't you eat and watch on TV?

thisisyesterday · 15/06/2012 18:52

have you talked to him about it? i mean, does he know that what you'd really like is to just have him at home a bit more and spend time together?

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